Talk:Clayton Kershaw/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Muboshgu (talk · contribs) 15:32, 25 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I got this one. As we discussed on my talk page, I'm sufficiently free from any personal COI as I haven't been a major contributor to this page. And, since it's Spanneraol's first GA nom, I'll give this a good, thorough review and make him a regular GA participant. I won't complete my review for a few days though. Got a busy day at work tomorrow. – Muboshgu (talk) 15:32, 25 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Time to get started...

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose is clear and concise, without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:

B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Overall:
Pass or Fail:

LEAD and INFOBOX

The first paragraph is only one sentence, which isn't really adequate. Something else should be here. The last paragraph of the lead is kind of skimpy itself. Perhaps the answer here is to merge the two. Per WP:MOSBEGIN, it should be general, with nothing too specific. Maybe just add he's a left hander and when he made his MLB debut. I'm not sure yet if the Koufax comparison is too specific, since the lay reader might not know who Koufax is. Take a look at some GAs and FAs to see how their leads are structured. Fixed - reworked lead.. let me know if this works better. Spanneraol (talk) 15:49, 6 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Lead looks great! – Muboshgu (talk) 19:07, 13 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
ERA should be spelled out, innings pitched wikilinked. Does not need to be abbreviated since it's only used once in the lead (as far as abbreviations go, the lead and the body are treated as separate entities) Fixed
The image needs a caption Fixed

SECTION HEADERS

Early career: 2008–2010

2011 Season: Cy Young Award

2012 season: Cy Young Runner-up

2013 season

These section headers should be uniform one way or another, whether that's putting the year(s) first or a title first. Also, "season" shouldn't be capitalized Fixed

EARLY LIFE

Highland High School... where is that? Is there anything about his life before high school? Was he always from the Highland HS area or did he move as a child? Did he play little league baseball, or do anything else before high school that's worth noting? Fixed - expanded section with more on his early life. Spanneraol (talk) 04:07, 6 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Link prospect to Prospect (sports) Fixed
Spell out ERA, link to win-loss record (pitching) and innings pitched Fixed
An "all strikeout perfect game"? That sounded to me like he struck out all 27 batters he faced. I clicked the link and saw it was 15 batters. That should be expanded on in the article so we know he did indeed strike out all 15 batters he faced. Fixed
MLB abbreviation used before the full name is spelled out in the body. Fixed
"best high school pitcher available" CN Fixed

This is covered in the draft tracker reference at the end of the next sentence, does it need to be listed twice? Or I should I find an additional reference for it?Spanneraol (talk) 22:40, 5 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

You're right, it is. It's vague though. Can you find anything better about who considered him the best available high school pitcher? Baseball America, perhaps? MLB.com rankings? – Muboshgu (talk) 18:29, 12 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The Baseball America ref I've already used a bunch has that in it also so i've put that in there... it seems to be a consensus opinion that he was the top high school pitcher. Spanneraol (talk) 22:16, 12 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Space between period and reference. This happens a few times in the article Fixed - I think i caught all of these. Spanneraol (talk) 15:32, 6 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Don't pipe out University from Texas A&M. Maybe add something more about where he accepted a scholarship from Texas A&M before saying he spurned them Fixed
"The bonus was the largest to any Dodgers amateur" Missing a word Fixed

MINOR LEAGUE CAREER

Per MOS:CONVERSIONS, best to give both the standard and metric versions for mph. The {{convert}} template can convert mph into kmh for our non-American friends Fixed

I looked over the documentation for that template but it isnt too easy to figure out so i'll have to come back to this... never heard anyone use kmh for the speed of a baseball pitch. Spanneraol (talk) 04:38, 6 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

They do in Japan. I know it's not the American way, but GA articles need to be accessible to the entire world. – Muboshgu (talk) 18:57, 12 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I didn't see anything about the abbreviation "no." for "number" on Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Abbreviations, so I'm gonna follow my gut and come out against it. Change to "best" and "second best", or something similar Fixed
"5 starts" numbers less than 10 should be spelled out Fixed
"He was then called up to the majors, but optioned back to Jacksonville on July 2, 2008." When was he called up? I get that the minor league and major league careers are separated, but when the timeline gets broken up like this by promotions and demotions, it gets confusing to follow. Fixed

EARLY CAREER

A link that appears to go to 1995 should instead be clear in that it's going to the 1995 season article Fixed
"Phillies" shouldn't be piped Fixed
"6⅔ IP" IP as an abbreviation has to be introduced Fixed - got rid of the abbreviation, didnt like it anyway.Spanneraol (talk) 02:12, 6 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Odd that the Giants being rivals is introduced the second time you mention the Giants. Fixed
Ace (referring to Lincecum) should be linked to Ace (baseball) Fixed
Should introduce abbreviations for NL and NLCS, as they will be reused Fixed
Pronouns shouldn't lead a paragraph Fixed

2011 SEASON

Per MOS:IMAGELOCATION, avoid placing a left aligned image at the beginning of a section. Fixed
Also, this image itself is not the best. I had to squint to see him and click on it to really see him. I found some more images on Kershaw with the Free Image Search Tool, so those can be integrated into the article. Fixed
"Kershaw finished the 2011 season with 21 wins, 248 strikeouts and a 2.28 ERA, winning the NL pitching Triple Crown" It should be stated that he led the league in each of these categories so that it's clear what the Triple Crown is Fixed
"233 1/3 innings pitched" unconverted fraction Fixed
"TSN" abbreviation needs to be introduced Fixed
WHIP appreviation needs to be spelled out as well Fixed

More to come... – Muboshgu (talk) 20:09, 5 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I didn't mean for a whole week to pass before I continued. My apologies, but life has been kinda hectic lately. Onward... – Muboshgu (talk) 18:57, 12 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

2012 SEASON

After a full date, a comma is needed after the year (minor thing, but good to take note of) Fixed
I'd split that first sentence in two. It's a bit of a run-on. Fixed
Opening Day should be capitalized Fixed
A sentence that starts "On September 4" before a sentence that starts "On August 11". Should be made chronological, and given WP:PROSELINE, should be careful to start off two consecutive sentences in that manner Fixed
The abbreviation "LA" is common enough for Los Angeles that I know it immediately, but not everyone will, necessarily Fixed
"4th" to "fourth", "2nd" to "second", "5" to "five" Fixed

2013 SEASON

Years appear linked, but they are season articles. Linked text should read "XXXX season" to be clear to the reader Fixed
Need a comma after "April 17, 2013" Fixed
"2nd" to "second", "6" to "six", "4" to "four" Fixed

PITCHING STYLE

"Kershaw pitching style" grammar Fixed
"Unique leg kick" isn't justified by the source that follows those sentences Fixed - got rid of the "unique" bit and found source for his leg kick.
Velocities converted to kmh for our non-American friends, per above Fixed, though it seems clunky like this
Space between sentence stop and [77] Fixed

AWARDS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Should use × rather than "x" to denote multiples Fixed

PERSONAL

Commas after Walden and Stafford. Well, the one after Walden is optional. I'm a fan of the serial comma, but you don't have to be Fixed
"the main reason he wears number 22 is due to Clark" reads a little awkward to me. I assume this is "in honor of", and not because Clark told him to. Fixed
His great uncle discovered Pluto? What a small world (pun not intended). Anything about his father? Siblings (if any)? Mother's job? Fixed - no siblings, cant find anything on his mothers job though i added info on his dad. Spanneraol (talk) 22:57, 12 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

HUMANITARIAN WORK

There's an extra space here - "I Am Second. [98]" Fixed
"Kershaw had a similar program in 2011" seems a little redundant since the 2011 program is talked about in the previous paragraph. These two paragraphs could be merged. Fixed
"programs in Los Angeles such as Habitat for Humanity" comma missing. Also need one after "Lynwood, California" Fixed - reworded a bit as the language was clunky
Clemente and Rickey award sentence should perhaps be two sentences. Maybe with a topic sentence that says something along the lines of "Kershaw has been recognized for his charity work"? Fixed

REFERENCES

All have access dates. Excellent
Refs 41, 60, 75-77 missing work/publisher Fixed
Ref 88 is to blogspot. I'm a little uneasy about that. Is there a firmer source for his playing with Stafford? Fixed - already had one from earlier, duplicated here

I'll come back to check on the article this afternoon. Got some work to do now. Depending on how it reads, I may pass it, or I may find some other issues I didn't find the first time. – Muboshgu (talk) 14:32, 13 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

One issue remaining

I'm still uncomfortable with the statement "Kershaw was considered the top high-school pitcher available", when BA only says he was "considered a cinch first-round pick, and possibly the first high school player selected". Either change the statement to be more in line with what BA said, or find something more concrete that he was the consensus best high school pitcher available. After that, I think we're good here. – Muboshgu (talk) 19:07, 13 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Found a couple of better sources for that, one from SI and one from scout.com that both mention him as the top high school pitcher. Spanneraol (talk) 19:21, 13 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, those look good. One more thing I just noticed, Ref 77 is to wordpress.com, which isn't any better than blogspot for our purposes. Can you find something for that point in a source that's beyond reproach? – Muboshgu (talk) 19:28, 13 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I didn't write this section originally and i've been trying to avoid having to rewrite it but the only sites i could find that discussed his leg kick were baseball blogs... and since those dont work, i have taken the whole thing out and rewrote the lead using a source from fangraphs. Spanneraol (talk) 20:00, 13 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I understand. Fangraphs I'm okay with because I know their quality.

I hope this process hasn't been too arduous. The review itself was a bit longer than many because the article is fairly long. Anyways, that's my way of saying congratulations! I'm passing the article. Good work. – Muboshgu (talk) 22:59, 13 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Not too bad... I know what to look for next time now.. Thanks. Spanneraol (talk) 18:52, 14 September 2013 (UTC)[reply]