Talk:Clarence Chesterfield Howerton/GA2

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: MusikAnimal (talk · contribs) 04:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this one, comments soon to follow :) — MusikAnimal ^talk 04:29, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

OK, thanks for taking it on MusikAnimal. Mat ty.007 09:42, 24 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Issues

Alright, here's a list of the issues I see. I am going to help you along the way, which as far as I know, is acceptable behaviour as the reviewer. Any disagreements about changes in content should be discussed here. Don't worry if the normal on-hold seven-day period is exceeded, I will not fail the review unless it's obvious things can't get fixed in a reasonable amount of time. — MusikAnimal ^talk 21:17, 27 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

General

Facts you are grabbing from the Census Bureau is good as it's very reliable, however noting this in the body and linking to the article on that year's census is a bit off-topic I would argue. So instead of saying At the time of the 1940 United States Census, Howerton was... you could say something like By 1940 Howerton was.... This way you're still noting that the mentioned fact is only known to be true as of that year, without unnecessarily adding attribution to the source within the body of the article. — MusikAnimal ^talk 21:17, 27 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Changed. Mat ty.007
“Howerton is said to have performed with numerous "extreme individuals"”
Is "extreme individuals" a quote from the source or is it being used as an umbrella term for sideshow actors? I question the usage of the word "extreme" when more descriptive diction could be applied. Here we are (presumably) referring to actors in freak shows, so maybe go with the more commonly used term human oddities. — MusikAnimal ^talk 21:17, 27 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Changed. Mat ty.007

Lead

“Howerton, being well known, was also used in advertising, and visited The White House in 1922 and 1948 respectively”
I'm a little confused about the connection between Howerton's role in advertising and visiting The White House. The usage of "respectively" here is also confusing. It would seem to imply that Howerton was used in advertising in 1922 and then visited the White House in 1948. I assume you meant the opposite, if by advertising you mean his role as the mascot for the Marine Corps? However sources I'm finding show Howerton may have represented the Marine Corps prior to 1948. I'm going to take a stab at what I think should be said and suggest something like Howerton's enjoyed much success throughout his career, having visited The White House and representing recruitment efforts of the United States Marine Corps. How does that sound? Also in light of this new source (indicating the year 1930), I think we might want to move info about him and the Marine Corps out of the "post-career" section (more on this below). — MusikAnimal ^talk 21:17, 27 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I found that, but seem to have not used it. I have tried to change it to something better. I also moved it into a different section. Mat ty.007

Early life

“He had four brothers (all four of whom grew to 6 ft 0 in (1.83 m) tall.”
Two problems. I am unable to check the source (really I'm just too lazy to go to the library), but I assume the siblings grew to at least six feet tall, where this sentence would imply an exact height of six feet. Secondly, the very next sentence says Howerton had five brothers when this one says he only had four. — MusikAnimal ^talk 21:17, 27 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Well, the book says he had four, but I suspect that the census info supersedes the book, so have changed four to five. I have no idea how to get rid of 0 inches in the template, so did it manually. Mat ty.007

Size

This section is very brief. Can we expand it all? It contains details about Howerton's family, so perhaps we could merge it to the Early life section, paraphrasing to make it flow with the existing prose – e.g. info on how the siblings grew to be "normal" height is already mentioned in the Early life section. — MusikAnimal ^talk 21:17, 27 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Merged. Mat ty.007

Post entertainment industry and death

Per the first bullet in Lead above, info about Howerton and the Marine Corps should be moved out of this section since it's clear this occurred while he was still active in the entertainment industry. Working for the Marine Corps sounds like a big gig, maybe we could find more information on this and create a new subsection under Career, since this doesn't really fall under any of the other subsections. — MusikAnimal ^talk 21:17, 27 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Mat ty.007
After retirement, Howerton didn't die for another 27 years. Are there any interesting details we could add? Where did he live? Was he still with his mom in Manhattan? Maybe we could find out from these census entries. — MusikAnimal ^talk 21:17, 27 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I personally have no idea how to get census info, but I'll have a look to see what I can find (bear in mind that I have already done a pretty thorough search). Thanks for the review, Mat ty.007 16:55, 28 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Having a look, I remembered that on the (unreliable) Find A Grave there is someone who says they say him in Newberg, but I couldn't find anything that either proves or disproves this. Thanks, Mat ty.007 17:02, 28 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Alright, hopefully you're okay with all the changes I've made. I'm not 100% happy about the brevity of the Post entertainment industry and death section, but for organizational purposes I think it's best kept as a different section, and it will allow for easier expansion. Other than that, I think it looks pretty good! — MusikAnimal ^talk

Y GAN passed. Congratulations! — MusikAnimal ^talk 23:38, 29 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.