Talk:Clément Chantôme/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Z1720 (talk · contribs) 02:46, 9 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I will be reviewing this article shortly, using the following template. If you intend for this article to appear at WP:FAC, please note so below and I will conduct a more thorough, pre-FAC review. Z1720 (talk) 02:46, 9 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Comments:

In general, there are lots of places where I think a copyedit would help. Some sentences are awkward and feel like they are missing words. If desired, a copyedit can be requested at WP:GOCER. However, it typically takes a month for an article to receive a copyedit, so if this route is taken I suggest withdrawing this nomination and renominating once the copyedit is complete.

I also noticed that there's a lot of prose about speculation. Since some of the sections are quite long (notably the Paris Saint-Germain section) it would be best to remove these as too much detail. Instead, focus on what actually happened to Chantôme.

Some specific examples of things to fix are below:

Lede

"Chantôme was a fan favourite because of his home-grown status, fighting spirit, and fearless attitude on the pitch." This language feels too WP:PROMO, as it is hard to define what a "fighting spirit" or "fearless attitude" is. This should be expanded upon in the lede so the reader understands what is meant by this, with more neutral wording.
"Rising through the ranks of Paris Saint-Germain's youth academy," This is mentioned in the lede, but not in the body.
"he had drawn comparisons to Didier Deschamps for his determination and ball winning ability." also needs to be mentioned in the body.
Please ensure the the rest of the statements in the lede are also mentioned and cited in the article's body.

Paris Saint-Germain

This section needs level 3 headings, as there are too many paragraphs here. Perhaps split into years.
"It wasn't until on 1 December 2007 that Chantôme returned to the first team," -> On 1 December 2007, he returned to the first team..."
"During the same month, he spoke out his development in the first team for Paris Saint-Germain." I'm not sure what is meant by this sentence.
"In the January transfer window, he was linked a move away from the club, as French clubs tried to sign him on loan but ended up staying at the club." Considering how large this section is, I do not think this is necessary as it is speculation.
"Ahead of the 2008–09 season, Premier League side Arsenal were reported to be interested in securing the youngster's services." Since this is speculation, this can be removed.
"However, he found himself facing a new competitions from new signing, Claude Makélélé, resulting in him finding his playing time from the substitute bench." -> "After the team signed Claude Makélélé, Chantôme lost his position in the starting lineup, often playing as a substitution."
"This led Manager Paul Le Guen about Chantôme's situation, saying: "Clément is one of the players who can really contribute to the team. He showed it especially in the second half of last season. Without Makelele, without Sakho, without Giuly at his best and without Chantôme, given our squad, that's a lot."" I'm not sure what this quote is trying to tell the reader, and I think it can be removed.
"But he faced the sideline along the way, due to competitions and his own injury concern." What is this injury? Describe how he was injured. Also, this is a sentence fragment.
"At one point, Chantôme was expected to be loaned out to get first team football, but he ended up staying at the club." Speculation can be deleted as too much detail.
"It wasn't until on 23 October 2008 when Chantôme scored his first goal of the season, in a 3–1 loss against Schalke 04 in the UEFA Cup match." -> "Chantôme scored his first goal of the season on 23 October 2008 in a 3–1 loss against Schalke 04 in the UEFA Cup match." This avoids the contraction (wasn't) and tightens up the language.
"At the end of the 2008–09 season, Chantôme made thirty-six appearances and scoring once in all competitions." This needs a citation"

I'll pause there to give the nominator time to address the above concerns. Please ping when ready for more comments, or if you decide to close the nomination in favour of a copyedit from GOCE. Z1720 (talk) 03:11, 9 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Z1720: Do you recommend a copyedit? Paul Vaurie (talk) 05:59, 10 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Paul Vaurie: Yeah, I recommend a copyedit. Contractions are used throughout the text, commas are placed in awkward parts, and some of the phrasing can be rewritten more clearly (In particular, rephrasing the "It wasn't until..." sentence starters). GOCE can do a much better job in a copyedit than I can, and they have been a fantastic help in fixing up my articles. Also, I suggest that once-sentence paragraphs be merged into other paragraphs, per WP:OVERPARAGRAPH. Z1720 (talk) 16:19, 10 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, thank you. How can I request a copyedit? Can you do it for me? Thanks again! Paul Vaurie (talk) 17:21, 10 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Z1720: Pinging so you see the comment. Paul Vaurie (talk) 17:21, 10 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Paul Vaurie: Go to WP:GOCER and request it there. It will take about a month for the request to go through. If you choose to have GOCE to copyedit, I will close this GAN (as it can't be on hold for a month) and you can renominate it once the copyedit is complete. Z1720 (talk) 17:35, 10 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]

@Z1720: Sure, that works. Paul Vaurie (talk) 17:38, 10 January 2022 (UTC)[reply]