Talk:Cigars of the Pharaoh/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Brigade Piron (talk · contribs) 10:40, 2 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hello! If you don't object, I'd be happy to review this one. Very enjoyable article, though! Brigade Piron (talk) 10:40, 2 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Much appreciated Brigade Piron! Glad that you enjoyed reading it! Midnightblueowl (talk) 13:02, 2 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.	~~Repetition of "eccentric Egyptologist" - consider rephrasing one?~~ I've removed the first. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:42, 2 August 2013 (UTC)[reply] "unseen enemy gases Tintin and Sarcophagus into unconsciousness" This is like "shot to death" and is grammatically incorrect as well as sounding a bit odd. Consider reph. to "Tintin and Sarcophagus fall unconscious after being gassed by an unseen enemy"/"Tintin and Sarcophagus are gassed by an unseen enemy and fall unconscious" or similar. ~~"thrown overboard in sarcophagi" - considering the name of one of the protagonists, would you consider adding the adjective "wooden" to the sarcophagi, just to clarify?~~ ~~"Having lived through the First World War, Hergé disliked gunrunners..." - I think you mean arms dealers in general rather than gunrunners specifically in this instance?~~ ~~Link to Deus ex machina please.~~ "Here he discovers Sarcophagus, who has been poisoned with Rajaijah juice, resulting in insanity." Please rephrase - for instance "He discovers Sarcophagus who has become insane as the result of being poisoned with Rajaijah juice" I can see why you've avoided this in the lead (there're quite a few links in the phrase already) but please put links to Egypt and India (in this case to Kingdom of Egypt and British Raj rather than just Egypt/India) I've made a small modification to the last sentence of the summary section, feel free to revert/change if possible but the final sentence sounded quite unnatural, otherwise I think that's it for this section.
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.	~~Consider increasing the summary of the plot by a sentence or two in the lead? At the moment it's rather short which is problematic considering the plot must be a major aspect of any article on a book.~~ Done! Midnightblueowl (talk) 12:23, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply] Great! The lead's much better & more complete as a result of your recent edits
2. Verifiable with no original research:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).	I know this is not required for the synopsis section in general, but a page reference at the end of the section for "Quite a simple trick, but it fooled the police of half the world" because it is a direct quote. I've removed the quote rather than add a reference; it was simply superfluous in my opinion, and not directly relevant to the idea of a Synopsis. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:07, 5 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
	2c. it contains no original research.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.	~~Short explanation of what Rajaijah juice is/does/comes from please. At the minute it just pops up randomly. Otherwise, perhaps just substitute "poison" (or similar) if it isn't important.~~ Done. Midnightblueowl (talk) 22:50, 2 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.
	7. Overall assessment.	Very close. Further review pending changes or responses to above suggestions. Good work! Brigade Piron (talk) 13:12, 2 August 2013 (UTC)[reply] Once these final suggestions are implemented/discussed, I'm happy to pass it. Brigade Piron (talk) 19:23, 3 August 2013 (UTC)[reply]