Talk:Chrystal Macmillan/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: –MuZemike 18:29, 27 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Prose issues

In the "Peace activism" section: In September 1914, Stritt wrote to Catt in America with "deep personal regret" for the "terrible war" to say that the women of Germany must withdraw their invitation to the annual IWSA congress in June 1915 which was to convene in Berlin. - seems a bit long and drawn out. I would recommend splitting up with some punctuation there at least so it's not so long-winded.
In the second paragraph of the "Women's nationality" section, The new committee was successful in lobbying the League of Nations ... having different citizenship than their husbands. - that sentence is also a bit long. I recommend spllitting into two separate sentences so it's not so drawn out.

Verifiability issues

The wide publicity the case attracted satisfied the Scottish suffragists. - is not sourced.
The first paragraph in the "Peace activism" section needs a citation there, so we know where you got the information from.
The last part of the first paragraph in the "Women's nationality" section also needs some citation there.

Conclusions

On hold pending the improvements as noted above. In general, it's very well-written and just about there - it just needs a couple of tweaks as listed above. –MuZemike 18:29, 27 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, I have hit all the indicated spots, adding refs and tweaking text, and I added another news account of the House of Lords appearance, just because I ran into it while gathering sources. Binksternet (talk) 20:46, 27 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Passed – While I'm not very approving of the single-sentence paragraph in the "Legacy" section, merging it into the other paragraph doesn't make any sense, either; if there's any other opportunity to expand on that UN resolution a bit more, please do so. Otherwise, very good work - it was written and cited well, and it's a good read overall. –MuZemike 01:33, 28 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! That one sentence bit was previously at the end of the "Women's nationality" section, and I moved it down for better chron order. :/

I appreciate your thoughtful suggestions. Cheers! Binksternet (talk) 02:27, 28 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]