Talk:Cherien Dabis

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Editing suggestions

Hello!

So, I've read through your article, and its quite detailed, so congratulations on that. There's a few places where I think that citations would be useful, and I've noted them by adding a "citations needed" note. For example, when you summarize Dabis' films, a citation showing where you found that information would be useful. If there is not a specific source, then maybe link to a review of the film that includes a summary, or even just the film's imbd or Wikipedia page.

The television, personal life and inspiration sections are very small, so I would think about either compiling those facts into another section, or possibly deleting them altogether. For example, the television section could simply be a sub-section under "career". Also, I would consider moving the facts about her life during the Gulf War to under Background, as it has impacted all of her work. And then turn the rest of "early life" into "personal life", just to make things more concise. And the last thing I would do is turn the "awards" section into a table, just to make it more comprehensible. For example, I would look at Amour, just to see what an awards table can look like. Other than that, everything looks great, and you have a lot of information! Good work!

Ruth Maffett (talk) 16:22, 13 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Hi!

I as well chose to edit your article, and noticed that it is in fact very informative and well written. I think you did a great job on gathering concrete information and providing accurate sources to match the information provided. However there were a few little details that I would have liked to see, or see changed. Right off the bat reading the information provided under the heading "early life" I noticed a few grammatical errors and awkward sentenced structures. Although I believe your quotes to be strong and informative, the sentence structures seemed choppy and somewhat awkward. I might suggest taking some of the quotes you used and paraphrasing them more smoothly into your article, simply for a smoother reading experience. I was specifically looking at this section of the paragraph, "She and her family were held at the Israeli border for 12 hours, and she was strip-searched along with her sisters.[1] This incident would make Cherien understand "what it meant to be Palestinian".[1] She would not return to Palestine until 20 years later.[1]". Though it makes sense, and utilizes your quotes fairly well, I would suggest making longer sentences and smoothening out the quotes you used. I am simply just suggesting you to do one more thorough read over of your article to make sure you have it as well written as possible, however it is just my suggestion. Other than a few minor grammatical errors or choppy sentences I noticed your article is lengthy enough and is presented in the proper format for a Wikipedia page. It seems as though you worked hard on this assignment and put forth a lot of effort in order to make your page so presentable, and for that I congratulate you. I think this is a very strong page and looks professionally done.

Great Job!

Maxblamauer (talk) 19:30, 6 November 2015 (UTC)Max Blamauer[reply]

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