Talk:Charles Trotter/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hog Farm (talk · contribs) 17:08, 21 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

Per WP:LEADCITE, move the exact date of death to that section in the prose, and then remove the citation in the lead
Find links for fullbore and smallbore, as those aren't terms that are gonna be familiar to everyone.
Per MOS:OVERLINK, you don't need to link Egypt
Specify that the 1956 and 1960 events are Olympics

Early life

"twelve pounds in cash—all the money that was in the house at that time" - Close paraphrasing
"an all-boys public school, where he started shooting, and represented the school at the schools' championships at Bisley three times" - Not finding where this is in the source
Put his full name somewhere in the body

Life and career

"Once the war was over, Trotter, then a Captain, commanded a group of German Prisoners of War in the Canal Zone in Egypt charged with constructing and maintaining the water supply and filtration plants" - More close paraphrasing
"After leaving school, Trotter joined the Royal Engineers with whom he served during the Second World War" - More specific date needed
We need more details about his wartime service
"Trotter then established a photography business in Nairobi, Kenya from 1951 to 1962" - Close paraphrasing
Blue Ribbon Award is the wrong link, as that's an award specific to Japanese film
"a nature film about baboons which won a Blue Ribbon Award for photography" - Yet more close paraphrasing
"He returned to London in the early 1960s, before moving to Fleet, Hampshire where he joined the Royal Aircraft Establishment at Farnborough and later Aberporth, Wales as a photographer." - Also close paraphrasing
"On 15 February 1963, Trotter married his wife, Joan Peary" - The NRA source says 1962, and the other source is unreliable
"The two were involved in a head-on car collision in 1965, which rendered both disabled." - Unclear what disabled means here, as he was clearly still mobile
"He was named Scottish Champion in 1972" - Way to vague. More information needed
"In doing so, Trotter became only the second Guernseyman to win the competition, and he remains the island's most recent winner" - Source is from 2004, potentially outdated.
What does the overly-long block quote add? It looks to be a touch excessive.
" Trotter was voted as the island's Sportsman of the Year and was asked by the Guernsey Postal Services to be featured on one of its stamps in a series depicting disability in sport" - Close paraphrasing
"He fired twenty times for Guernsey in the Kolapore, and represented Scotland, the Channel Islands and Guernsey in the Mackinnon" - Close paraphrasing
"winning a bronze medal in the Fullbore Rifle event in the 1982 edition held in Brisbane, Australia." - Source doesn't state it was in Brisbane.
" competing a number of times in the Masters and Nordic Championships" - 11 words in a row is too much close paraphrasing here
"made his own foresight rings; as he got older they got thinner until eventually he made them out of fuse wir" - Close paraphrasing
What's a foresight ring?
"Trotter's substantial collection of shooting silver and memorabilia is held in an exhibit in Castle Cornet" - Can't find this on the page it's supposedly on.
"After his death, Trotter's ashes were scattered at Bisley at the beginning of the 2004 Imperial Meeting" - Source just indicates this was planned (had not yet occurred at time of source publishment), so this fails verification

Images

Fair use claim is okay, as the subject is deceased, so getting a new free image is impossible.

References

The to-lo.com source does not appear to be an RS in any way.
Ref 5 is not working for me
Ref 6 is not working for me
Rootsweb is not a reliable source.
Blurb, Incorporated is a self-publishing service, so that source probably fails WP:SPS.

Ready Wikipedia:Close paraphrasing. Close paraphrasing to the extent used in this article is a copyright violation. Between this and a large proportion of the sources being unreliable, this is going to have to be quick-failed. Hog Farm _Bacon 18:47, 21 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]