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Talk:Charles Green (Australian soldier)/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 01:18, 19 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]


I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 01:18, 19 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • No DABs, exterior links work
  • Images properly licensed
  • The lede is way too detailed, needs to be severely trimmed.
Disagree, I have trimmed slightly, but the article is around 23,000 characters, and the guidance at MOS:LEADLENGTH for an article of this size is two to three paras. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 02:33, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not talking about the number of paragraphs, but rather of the excessive details within them. The lede is supposed to be a summary, but you're including stuff best reserved for the main body as well as being unnecessarily wordy.
After the action at Pineios Gorge on 18 April 1941, now-Captain Green and many other members of his unit became separated from the battalion main body, and Green joined a group that avoided capture and made its his way through the Aegean Islands, through Turkey, to Palestine, to rejoin the reformed 2/2nd Battalion.
Done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 05:07, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
After a few months garrisoning captured Vichy Syria, during which Green was promoted to major, the 2/2nd Battalion returned to Australia in August 1942 via Ceylon (modern Sri Lanka), to fight the Japanese
Done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 05:07, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
At the time, the unit was training in Queensland.
It is necessary as otherwise a reader might think it was fighting the Japanese when he rejoined it. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 05:07, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Granted, but thinking on it a bit more, I think that it should be folded into the preceding sentence.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 15:56, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Green led the battalion to Korea, where the battalion landed in late September.
Done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 05:07, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
, and his career remains an inspiration to serving Australian soldiers This is almost promotional and isn't supported by anything in the main body. His qualities as a leader are, but not this.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 04:35, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Yes it is, in "Green's career as a battalion commander in New Guinea and Korea had been "exemplary", and serving Australian soldiers remain inspired by it." in the Legacy section. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 05:01, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry, that's what I get for trying to edit during a tryptophan overload.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:59, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
It is, in the first sentence of the lead and the first para of the Korean war section. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 02:33, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Quite right, I missed it.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 04:35, 27 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Aitape-Wewak campaign against the Japanese Redundant
Removed. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • He was enthusiastic about the sport of cricket as well as horse riding. And this is important, why?
Colour? It is included in his Australian Dictionary of Biography entry, so I think it is ok to include. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Gorge and allowed were quickly overwhelmed by the larger German forces "allowed"?
Whoops, fixed. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Close proximity alert for 2/11 Battalion in the 2nd para of the Aitape campaign section
Varied. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • battalion lost 20 killed and 29 wounded and had killed tense disagreement, be consistent
deleted "had". Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • 710 feature ? Like Hill 710?
It is referred to as the 710 feature in the source (Long, the official history). Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Link Victoria, battery
Done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The brigade then moved north under the operational control of the US 1st Cavalry Division. Proximity alert for "brigade" in the following sentence
used 27th British Commonwealth Brigade
  • In confused scenes, the brigade and elements confused "fighting"?
it was mostly just confusion, they mistook each other for friendlies then many KPA surrendered, a few fought. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Clarified. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks Sturmvogel 66, all done I reckon. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:00, 28 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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