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GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 09:23, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • I always advocate removing refs from the lead. There should be literally nothing in the lead which isn't in the article (and better, expanded upon) so referencing there is best, and leaves a lovely clean, easy to read lead, instead of one littered with interrupting refs (more than 20 in this case...)
 Done Removed and moved most citations. Had to tweak few sentences and a paragraph. Please take a brief look at the lead again. In an attempt to remove the last citation, I added this new line "The name Chandrayaan means "mooncraft" in Sanskrit and Hindi." to Design section. Shanze1 (talk)
  • "currently" see WP:CURRENTLY. This should probably be replaced with "as of 2020" or similar.
 Done Shanze1 (talk) 05:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Satish Dhawan Space Centre on " say where that is.
 Done Shanze1 (talk) 05:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " 2.43 PM" -> 2.43 p.m. (with non-breaking space).
 Done Shanze1 (talk) 05:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Vikram lander.[25] Vikram and " repetitive.
 Done Shanze1 (talk) 05:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Shanze1 (talk) 05:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "A successful soft landing would" I don't think "soft" is necessary.
 Done Shanze1 (talk) 05:12, 24 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " USSR, US and PRC to do so." I would say "Soviet Union, United States and China".
 Done Shanze1 (talk) 05:22, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The proposed configuration ..." I don't think this is lead material as it's not related to Chandrayaan-2.
 Done Shanze1 (talk)
  • SATCAT no is not referenced. And I know it's getting it from WikiData, but that's not referenced either.
 Done Shanze1 (talk)
  • "(03:32 UTC) [11][12]" no space before refs.
 Done Shanze1 (talk)
  • " UTC) [14][12]" ditto, and ref order.
 Done Will work on the rest shortly. Shanze1 (talk) 05:51, 22 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Inclination, rover power and lander power not referenced in infobox.
 Partly done: Added citations for the the power values. Cannot find the inclination mentioned anywhere in official sources.  Question: Should I remove inclination now? Shanze1 (talk) 13:16, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Russian Federal Space Agency (Roscosmos) " just Roscosmos is fine being the common name.
 Done Shanze1 (talk) 05:12, 24 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "per schedule" on schedule sounds more natural to me.
 Done Shanze1 (talk) 05:12, 24 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "January 2013[45] " just move that ref to join the others at the end of the sentence.
 Done Shanze1 (talk) 05:12, 24 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Roscosmos later withdrew in " withdrew from the CHandrayaan-2 project.
 Done Shanze1 (talk) 05:12, 24 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the technical aspects connected " reads weird. Do you mean some of the design for the failed mission were also going to be used for this project?
 Done Yes, I've rewritten the sentence now. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "India decided to develop the lunar mission independently" hang on, I though you just said Russia withdrew?
 Done I have removed the initial mention, it's only mentioned at the end now. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The spacecraft's launch had been scheduled for March 2018..." well no, I guess you mean the reschedule following ISRO going it alone was first slated for March 2018.
 Done added "initially after the India's decision" at the end of that sentence. I'm not sure if that fixes the problem though. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "legs got minor" --> "legs received minor"
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "launch was initially scheduled " once again, nope, it was far from the initial schedule...
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "rescheduled.[53][8][54]" ref order.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "of a GSLV MK III M1" - the M1 was missing in the lead mention of the rocket.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " the lunar surface and operate a robotic rover on the surface" repetitive use of "surface".
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Scientific goals include orbital studies" change of tense from previous sentence (past) to this one (current).
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • And then to the future " The orbiter will map..."...
 Done Followed bullet-list format like in other related articles. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "water ice" is overlinked.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Objectives mentions surface no fewer than five times...
 Done Taken care of. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The mission was launched on a Geosynchronous Satellite Launch Vehicle Mark III (GSLV Mk III) " the M1's gone missing again.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Sriharikota Island.[3][13][10][58] " where is that? And ref order.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " As of June 2019, the mission has an allocated cost of ₹ 9.78 billion" it's now April 2020, is this updatable? And link the rupee symbol.
 Done No, it's up to date.  Question: Should I remove the "As of June 2019"? Linked rupee symbol. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Chandrayaan-2 stack was" --> "The Chandrayaan-2 stack was..." and what's a stack here?
Stack is the composite which just the 2 components combined - orbiter+lander.  Question: Shall we use "spacecraft" instead? Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "₹ 3.75 billion" convert again.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • GSLV Mk III is overlinked (and missing an M1).
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "40,400 km apogee by the launch vehicle" convert.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "As of September 2019..." no change as of April 2020?
 Done No, it is the final orbit. I have tweaked the sentence- "The Chandrayaan-2 orbiter is orbiting the Moon on a polar orbit.." Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the orbiter.[62][2]" ref order.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " to ISRO Satellite Centre on" to the ISRO Satellite Centre.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The mission's lander ..." avoid single sentence paras.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Vikram spacecraft crash-landed " remove "spacecraft"
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The lander's propulsion system consists of" tense?
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • " Liquid Apogee Motor" no need for this to be capitalised.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • lunar dust is overlinked.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why abbreviate KaRA if you never use it?
 Done removed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The mission's rover is called Pragyan" tense.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "info))[83][81]" ref order.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • ", would have operated on " and would have.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "traversing 500 meters on the lunar surface at the rate of 1 cm per second," converts.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "For navigation, the rover uses:" tense.
 Done fixed. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • What's a NAVCAM?
They're navigation cams, linked the page and removed capitalisation.  Done Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "visual odometry.[citation needed]" needs fixing.
 Done Had to remove the uncited part. Shanze1 (talk) 12:47, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That takes me to the Payload section. I'll put the article on hold for now, and once these are resolved satisfactorily, I'll move on to later sections. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 16:27, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Shanze1 I'll close the review on 1 May if we don't make progress. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 09:39, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@The Rambling Man: Hi. Thanks for being patient. I was kind of busy with other areas. I have fixes most of these now. I need your guidance in a few above. Thanks. Shanze1 (talk) 13:16, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Cool, I'll take a look at the sections from Payload onwards later. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 12:49, 27 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Second comments

[edit]
  • (from the Lander section) " attitude thrusters," is overlinked.
 Done fixed.
  • It's not 100% clear to a non-expert that "scientific instrument" is synonymous with "payload".
 Done made it "Science payload"
  • " on this mission" just "on the mission" would be fine.
 Done fixed.
  • "update just a month" remove just.
 Done fixed.
  • "on the orbiter are:[3][84][1]" ref order.
 Done fixed.
  • " from ISRO Satellite" from the ISRO Satellite...
 Done fixed.
  • "Ahmedabad for mapping major elements present on the lunar" comma after Ahmedabad and simplify to "for mapping the lunar"...
 Done fixed.
  • "from Space Applications Centre" from the...
 Done fixed.
  • "DFSAR is expected" was?
 Done fixed.
  • " of water ice" repetitive, I would delete "including water ice" from the previous sentence.
 Done fixed.
  • "rom Space Applications Centre (SAC)" overlinked, and you've already abbreviated it before, so use the abbreviation.
 Done fixed.
  • "It features an " tense.
 Done fixed.
  • "Quadrupole Mass Analyzer from Space Physics Laboratory (SPL) " Quadrupole Mass Analyzer doesn't need capitalisation, and the SPL.
 Done fixed.
  • "from Space Applications Centre (SAC) for preparing " use the abbreviation. And don't link again.
 Done fixed.
  • " for the studying electron" remove the.
 Done fixed.
  • "the Lunar ionosphere" why suddenly capitalise Lunar? Be consistent throughout.
 Done fixed.
  • "It will later help " tense.
 Done fixed.
  • "has a spatial resolution of 0.32 m from 100 km polar orbit, which is the" tense.
 Done fixed.
  • "Seismometer " no need for capitalisation.
 Done fixed.
  • "Thermal " no need for capitalisation and I'm not sure that's the Thermal you really mean to link.
 Done fixed.
  • What is VSSC?
 Done abbreviated and linked.
  • " plasma.[83][14]" ref order, and be consistent with the use of full stops, full sentences need them, fragments don't.
 Done fixed. ensured consistency of them.
  • "by NASA Goddard Space Flight Center" -> "by the Goddard Space Flight Center".
 Done fixed.
  • "orbit.[105][87][88]" ref order.
 Done fixed.
  • micro-reflector or microreflector?
 Done "microreflector" appears to be used more frequently. So, using it.
  • "weighs about 22 grams and can not " tense, convert, cannot.
 Done fixed.
  • "Pragyan rover carries two" -> "The Pragyan rover carried..."
 Done fixed.
  • "from Laboratory" the.
 Done fixed.
  • "Timeline of operations [110][111]" no space.
 Done fixed.
  • Mission profile table could use MOS:ACCESS, row and col scopes, for the benefit of screen readers.
 Done fixed.
  • The timeline of operations table probably works best after the prose describing those events.
 Done fixed.
  • "Chandrayaan-2 launch was" -> "The launch of Chandrayaan-2 was"
 Done fixed.
  • " 22 July 2019.[31][9]" ref order.
 Done fixed.
  • " the GSLV MK III M1" overlinked.
 Done fixed.
  • "with better-than-expected " with a better...?
 Done fixed.
  • " parking orbit" overlinked.
 Done fixed.
  • "Such long Earth-bound phase" Such a long... or Such ... phases.
 Done fixed.
  • "for Chandrayaan-1" overlinked.
 Done fixed.
  • " showing North American landmass" the North American.
 Done fixed.
  • Why is "Chandrayaan-2 trajectory" caption bold?
 Done fixed.
  • "Landing site [138]" no space.
 Done fixed.
  • "that passes over" tense.
 Done fixed.
  • "aposelene and 114 km (71 mi) periselene." both overlinked.
 Done fixed.
  • " landing sites were selected, each with a landing " landing landing repetitive.
 Done fixed.
  • "site (PLS54) is at 7" tense.
 Done fixed.
  • " 70.90267 S 22.78110 E " missing some degree symbols.
 Done fixed.
  • "landing site (ALS01) is at 67.874064 S 18.46947 W" see previous two comments.
 Done fixed.
  • "The prime site is on " tense.
 Done fixed.
  • " to be done by the" performed.
 Done fixed.
  • Merge first two paras of "Loss of Vikram"
 Done
  • " a hard landing"." overlinked.
 Done fixed.
  • "Radio transmissions from " and "The powered " and "ISRO's Chairman " paras, merge all three to avoid such clunky prose.
 Done fixed.
  • "ISRO's Chairman, K. Sivan, " no need for capital C and Sivan is overlinked.
 Done fixed.
  • "while NASA's Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter (LRO) f" you already linked and already abbreviated this.
 Done fixed.
  • "The flat highland between..." caption is a sentence so full stop.
 Done fixed.
  • "Scientists Involved in the Mission" decapitalise per WP:HEAD.
 Done fixed.
  • "Mission repeat: Chandrayaan-3" not sure you need "Mission repeat" in the heading.
 Done removed.
  • "is called Chandrayaan-3[178] and" no bold needed and move the ref to end of sentence.
 Done fixed.
  • Merge last three short paras of that section.
 Done fixed.
  • " ISRO's chairman K. Sivan stated" you've mentioned his position at ISRO a few times already and definitely have overlinked him here.
 Done fixed.
  • "Before and after images of the impact site." fragment, no full stop.
 Done fixed.
  • See also has some items already linked.
 Done fixed.
  • "A view of Mission..." fragment, no need for a full stop.
 Done fixed.
  • Don't include work names or publisher names in ref titles, e.g. ref 162.
 Done fixed.
  • Make sure all refs have a publisher/work e.g. ref 109.
 Done fixed every ref.
  • Be consistent with publisher titles, e.g. Indian Space Research vs ISRO vs isro.gov.in etc.
 Done used Indian Space Research Organisation for all refs.

That's it for the second segment of the article. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 09:20, 30 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Shanze1 pinging in case you miss the update! Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 09:20, 30 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The Rambling Man I've made all the corrections now. Can you check whether they are alright? Thanks. Shanze1 (talk) 05:20, 1 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Shanze1 okay, I've made a few tweaks and I'm generally satisfied that this just about meets the GA criteria. Good work. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 09:47, 2 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The Rambling Man, That's great! Thank you for your time and effort! Shanze1 (talk) 13:57, 2 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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