Talk:Chad Mottola/GA1

GA Review

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GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars, etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Comments–

• "is an American retired American" – removed the first "American"
  • Derp. – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• Wikilink the 2006 season in his infobox
  • Done – Muboshgu (talk)
• Ref 1 should have MLB Advanced Media as the publisher and Miib.com as the work
  • Done – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• "baseball player who reached Major League Baseball (MLB) as an outfielder" – better to state how many years he played for: "who played five seasons in..." This will also help with my next point.
  • Changed – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• "Considered a journeyman" – "considered" appears a borderline weasel word. Either specify who makes the claim or (as I'd prefer) just simply call him "A journeyman who played for five different teams during his tenure in the majors."
  • Not sure it's weasel-y. I'll just point out Jon Weber (baseball) passed GA with the same phrase. I'm considering other ways to write it, though. – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)

• Fair enough. —Bloom6132 (talk) 09:25, 16 October 2012 (UTC)

• "Mottola played professionally from 1992 through 2007. He appeared in 59 MLB games and 1,801 minor league games." Amalgamate the two sentences so that they'll read "Mottola played professionally from 1992 through 2007, appearing in..."
  • Done – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• "A highly regarded prospect, the Cincinnati Reds selected Mottola with the fifth overall selection" – the description should follow immediately with the subject. I'd suggest, "A highly regarded prospect, Mottola was selected by the Cincinnati Reds as the fifth overall selection"
  • Done – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• "Developing the reputation for having a negative attitude" – change to "After developing a poor reputation..."
  • Done – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• "the Reds let him go after he played for the Reds only during the 1996 season" – sounds informal and a bit repetitive. Why not "the Reds decided to trade him after he played only one season for them in 1996."
  • "the Reds traded him" – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• "1995-6 offseason" – 1995–96
  • Fixed – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• "question the Reds commitment to him.[10][9]" – reverse the refs so that they are in numerical order.
  • Fixed – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• "suffered a broken thumb that limited his season, requiring surgery." – the last part regarding his surgery seems to be hanging in mid-air. Change to "suffered a broken thumb that required surgery, thus limiting his season."
  • Changed – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• "By his final seasons" – during his final seasons
  • Done – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• Replace ref 18, which doesn't work anymore.
  • Replaced – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• Ref 12 should have the same consistent date format
  • Fixed – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• Use newspaper rather than publisher for refs 6 & 12 (and 18, if you can find back the article)
  • Changed – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)
• Criteria 6 does not apply, since no images were used, but I won't press this, since GA don't require images. I'm guessing you weren't been able to find any free ones.
  • Yep, not able. – Muboshgu (talk) 02:52, 16 October 2012 (UTC)

Overall, you did a great job in expanding the article. I'm putting it on hold for now and once all the comments concerning prose are addressed, I will

All comments have been addressed. I'll pass it now. —Bloom6132 (talk) 09:28, 16 October 2012 (UTC)

Reviewer: Bloom6132 (talk · contribs) 01:20, 16 October 2012 (UTC)