Talk:Capresso
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Responding to request for editor comment
[edit]Hi, I'm responding to the request for feedback. Let me go roughly from a couple things that really do bear changing to fairly trivial ones.
1) The tag requesting references. It might be more accurate to have used the tag asking for "Independent Third Party References". (I just changed the tag to be more precise.) There are now four references and external links, but they all appear to have been written by a marketing department. Perhaps all of them by your marketing department. (As opposed, say, to an independent consumer review Web site, or a review in a major newspaper, or a national magazine.) One link to your official Web site is held to be enough information from a PR perspective.
2) The tag saying article is written like an advertisement is based on the above, but also other factors:
3) The linguistic roots of the company name are pretty obvious, so the shorter this sentence, the better, IMHO:
- "The name “Capresso” – originally suggested by Doris, Kramm’s wife of more than 35 years – combines the words “cappuccino” and “espresso”."
In particular, there's no need to mention "of more than 35 years". That's irrelevant to the article topic.
4) Phrases that cannot be proved, and with which, for example, your competition might disagree, need citations. In some cases, language is considered "peacock" or "fluff", and a citation really won't help. Examples might be "global market leader" and "introduced the American consumer". See WP:PEACOCK. I'm not sure whether "premium segment" or "high end" have any concrete meaning in this context, but it wouldn't hurt to be explicit, if possible.
5) I know what a "coffee maker" is, but I don't know what an "automatic coffee center" is. If it's a phrase that's been coined in the last few years, it may not belong in Wiki.
6) This statement causes me to start thinking "now estimated at $200 million retail". Hmm. Who made that estimate? When did they make the estimate? Why is it mentioned at all? Is Capresso trying to capture the whole market?
7) Choose one spelling, not "US", "U.S." and "United States".
You get the idea. If you could quote one obviously independent source (and leave only one link pointing to your official site), that alone would probably probably warrant some editor removing the tags.
Hope this was of use!