Talk:Canterbury Mounted Rifles Regiment/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 07:18, 6 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Add commas after "which" and the second "division" New Zealand and Australian Division which along with the 1st Division
OK, I'll bite, what happened? The regiment's first casualty of the war came on 15 March, when a trooper was burying some Australian dead that had drifted ashore.
midnight 18/19 midnight "on"
I'd delete his name here: commanding officer Findlay
missing a comma after command: second in command Major Overton. More later.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 03:56, 9 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

All the above Done except for the burial party mystery. Incidentally, Findlay reappears later as The commanding officer Findlay, was invested as... in the Honours section at the end; I wonder if there's sufficient context to trim this the other way round, i.e. to "Findlay was invested as..."? --Demiurge1000 (talk) 05:08, 9 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Yes, I'd use one or the other, but not both. Probably his name for that bit about the investiture.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 05:20, 9 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

The source does not clarify what happened to him so I have taken that line out.

Fix the names of the further information links like First battle of Gaza. Battle should be capitalized as a proper noun.
I suggest reordering the clauses in this sea south of Gaza following the route of the road to Beersheba so that "following the route..." comes last.
I liked the maps of the individual battles, but can you add a map of Palestine so the reader can see the relationship between Jerusalem, Jericho, etc.?

Added one that covers all the main Palestinian battle areas, which I thing works

Add periods for Luxford's initials.
Images appropriately licensed.
No DABs, external links all work. No overlinking.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 00:33, 10 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Been away for a couple of days, so a belated thanks for the review. All done I believe. Jim Sweeney (talk) 18:33, 10 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]