Talk:Cam (singer)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Hog Farm (talk · contribs) 15:27, 24 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Lead - You talk about her releasing an EP, and then talk about Burning House being the album's second track. Since an EP and an album aren't the same thing, it would be better to use "the EP's second track".

Early life - Cane we add here date of birth to this section, or at least the year?

Wikilink a capella.

"Taking residency in a rural mountain community, she lived for several weeks with limited electricity and basic needs. She developed a friendship with Canadian musicians and started playing the guitar more consistently." - Placing these two sentences like this without a clear separator gives the implication she befriended the Canadians in Nepal. Is this accurate?

7 of the 12 sentences in this first paragraph all start with "she". Can we vary this up a little?

"A meeting with a fellow college professor" - Implies she was a college professor. If this is accurate, it should be stated directly.

Will get to the rest of the article later. Hog Farm (talk) 23:53, 24 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Career - "It was released under the independent label, Rubber Room Records" - This comma feels unnecessary.

"Cam's major label debut single was released in early 2015 titled "My Mistake"" - I think this would benefit from changing around the order of the clauses. Maybe make "title "My Mistake" an appositive between single and was.

Jeff Bhasker is a duplicate link.

"It has since peaked at" - Probably better be in past tense. The EP was released in 2015 and isn't on the charts anymore.

" reaching the top 20 of its list" - Does this list have a name? If so, it should probably be given.

You piped link Sony Music Entertainment as just Sony. Just using Sony brings about thoughts of the electronics manufacturer, so it would be better to list the label's full name.

"The companion video contained memorable images as well as revealing the singer's attractive appearance. " - Tone and buzzwords issues in this sentence.

"Thirdly, the song" - The other two accolades aren't given ordinals, so maybe it would be best to find another way to introduce this.

"In April 2018, "Diane" was added to the BBC Radio 2 A-list and hit No. 1 on iTunes for 5 weeks." - Unless I missed the mention, this doesn't seem to be verified by the next citation.

Is the performance on Die Kontract that important? Cam didn't do the performance, and the show doesn't even have an English Wikipedia article.

Tyler Johnson is a duplicate link.

"and George Strait." - Citation needed

"small, desert ceremony" - So the ceremony was in the desert? Since desert isn't a typical adjective for weddings, maybe it's best to phrase it as " ... in the California desert."

Can we get citation for the rest of these tours?

I'll do a source review soon.

Is the Country Fancast source reliable? People is listed at WP:RSP as reliable. Spot check of the links turned up all tested as working, so the refs look good other than the query about that one ref.

Image is appropriately tagged. Placing on hold now, pinging nominator @TenPoundHammer:. Hog Farm (talk) 23:41, 26 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Hog Farm: I'll look at this over the next two days. Got a lot on my plate right now. Ten Pound Hammer • ^{(What did I screw up now?)} 02:16, 27 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- Take as long as you need. Hog Farm (talk) 03:30, 27 March 2020 (UTC)[reply]
@Hog Farm: I think I've addressed all your concerns here so far. I'll see about the Country Fancast source, as it does not look reliable to me either. Ten Pound Hammer • ^{(What did I screw up now?)} 02:07, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
- @TenPoundHammer: - The Country Fancast may actually just be removable - Two instances are statements backed up with multiple citations, and the third is the date of birth in the infobox, which appears to be cited to another ref in the early life section. Still need some sort of verification for the supporting act tours, though. Hog Farm (talk) 02:13, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Hog Farm: Removed Country Fancast, used AllMusic instead for verification of birth date. I sourced the supporting tours that I could find, and removed a couple I couldn't verify immediately. Ten Pound Hammer • ^{(What did I screw up now?)} 02:23, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@TenPoundHammer: - There were two more Country Fancast refs left in the text, but both of them were duplicate refs, so I removed them. Passing now. Hog Farm (talk) 02:33, 1 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]