Talk:Bryce Dallas Howard/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Queenieacoustic (talk) 13:07, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

I will review this article in the next couple of days. Queenieacoustic (talk) 13:07, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

I've been very busy lately, so sorry for the late review! Queenieacoustic (talk) 21:40, 2 July 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Early life

• 1st paragraph

1.  Done "All of the Howard children were raised away from the world of show business --[1] their parents did not allow them access to television[1]" Why is the same source used twice in the same sentence?

Done

• 2nd paragraph

1.  Done "Howard is also an alumna of the Steppenwolf Theatre Company's prestigious School at Steppenwolf in Chicago, and of The Actors Center in New York City. During her time in New York, Howard was also a member of downtown theater company Theater Mitu, in residence at New York Theatre Workshop, who are known for their daring and stunning exploration of theatrical forms." The bolded words introduce bias to the article and should be removed per WP:WORDS.

Done

Career

1995 – 2006

• 1st paragraph

1.  Done "Another of his movies she was an extra in was the critically lauded Apollo 13 (1995) and 2000 holiday live action Universal Studios production, How the Grinch Stole Christmas." This sentence sounds very awkward and needs to be rewritten. You can change it to "She was also an extra in her father's critically lauded...". Also, add "the" after "and", and remove the comma before How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

done

1.  Done "While on her dad's film sets she would often socialize with the crew, rather than the actors." Place the comma after "sets" instead.

done

1.  Done "For the next several years Howard appeared in New York plays." Add a comma after "years".

done

1.  Done "Among these were House and Garden, a 2002 Alan Ayckbourn production held at the Manhattan Theatre Club. In it she portrayed a disdainful, flirtatious teen." You should combine these two sentences by replacing the first punctuation with a comma, and replace "In it" with "in which".

done

1.  Done "She then starred in the Alan Brown-directed 2004 drama, Book of Love," Remove the first comma.

done

• 2nd paragraph

1.  Not done "Its story is about a turn-of-the-20th-century village..." Add quotation marks to "turn-of-the-20th-century".

done

 Done

1.  Not done "the director said that it is 'quite clear' his movie can be seen as allude to them President George W. Bush's efforts to impose democracy in Iraq." The bolded text needs to be rewritten.

done

 Done

Not done: "Allude" should be "allusion".Queenieacoustic (talk) 12:56, 9 July 2011 (UTC)

• 3rd paragraph

1.  Done "Lady in the Water, reunited Howard with Shyamalan, in which she acts as Story, a type of water nymph called a narf." This sentence needs to be rewritten. For example, you could write "Howard reunited with Shyamalan in Lady in the Water," etc.

done'

1.  Done "The 2006 fantasy film release also stars Paul Giamatti as co-lead." Add "the" after "as".

done

1.  Done "It underperformed at the box office, falling short of its $75 million budget and got largely critical reviews." Add a comma after "budget".

done

1.  Done "Most complaints about Lady on the Water were that little effort was put into getting the viewer to believe in the world..." The real world? The world from which Howard's character came from?

I've removed that part

1.  Done "When asked about what message she hoped viewers would take away from the film, she said 'I would say it's very simple - it's that if you have faith, all that is meant to be will happen.'" Was Howard asked what she thought viewers disliked in the film? Also, to eliminate confusion, replace the second "she" with "Howard".

done and clarified

1.  Done "It played theatres in Europe before going directly to cable in the United States, premiering on HBO." Should be "It played in theatres in Europe...". Also, you need to specify that it aired on cable television in the United States.

done

1.  Done "Howard was nominated for a Golden Globe Award for her performance at the 2008 ceremony." Howard performed at the ceremony?

fixed

2007 – present

• 1st paragraph

1.  Done "In 2007, Howard appeared in her first blockbuster, Spider-Man 3, a superhero movie, starring opposite Tobey Macguire and Kirsten Dunst." There's one too many commas in this sentence. You can make it more digestible by adding the last information to the part behind the first comma, i.e. "In 2007, Howard starred opposite Tobey Macguire and Kirsten Dunst in her first blockbuster...".

done

1.  Not done "Adapted from the fictional Marvel Comics, in what would later be the last film of the Sam Raimi series, she played Peter Parker's classmate Gwen Stacy, a fan favorite." First of all, Marvel Comics is not a fictional company; secondly, "would later be" sounds weird - "is" sounds better. Also, "the Sam Raimi series" sounds weird too. You could change it to "the last film Sam Raimi directed for the series", or something similar. And you should replace "she" with "Howard".

Almost done. Add "the" after "Adapted from the Marvel Comics and".Queenieacoustic (talk) 12:56, 9 July 2011 (UTC)

 Done

1.  Done "A challenge that came with playing Gwen was reminding fans of the good-intentioned character who was Peter's first love in the comics, yet the other woman in the movie." What do you mean by the last part?

fixed

1.  Done "...it is her most profitable movie and the highness grossing in the trilogy." Bolded should be "highest".

done

1.  Not done "She wrote and directed a 2007 short film, Orchids, starring Molina, as part of Glamour magazine's 'Reel Moments' series funded by Cartier and FilmAid International." Since this sentence follows information on Spiderman 3, a 2007 movie, you could instead write "The same year, she...". Also, the second bolded text jars.

done

Almost done. The sentence now reads "The same year she wrote and directed a 2007 short film..."; since you've already established that she wrote it the same year, "2007" is redundant.Queenieacoustic (talk) 12:56, 9 July 2011 (UTC)

 Done

1.  Done "Cast in June 2008, she superseded Charlotte Gainsbourg." Looks like something is missing here. For which part did Howard supersede Gainsbourg?

fixed

1.  Done "Set in 2018, a group of survivors led by John Connor struggle to prevent the machines from destroying all humanity." Add "the film follows" after the comma.

done

1.  Done "It grossed a total of $370 million, but was not well reviewed, with one critic calling it 'a shambolic, deafening, intelligence-insulting mess, a crushing failure on almost all counts.'" The bolded text implies that reviews for the movie were badly written. "Well received" sounds better.

done

1.  Done "She replaced Lindsay Lohan as the lead character in The Loss of a Teardrop Diamond (2009)." Replace "She" with "Howard". Also, when was Lohan replaced by Howard?

done

1.  Done "Based on a 1957 screenplay by Tennessee Williams, it did not play at many engagements." Engagements? Don't you mean theaters?

done

• 2nd paragraph

1.  Done "A big career point for Howard was playing the role of Victoria, a vampire who wants to kill Bella Swan to avenge her mate that was killed during events of the first film in the Twilight series' third installment The Twilight Saga: Eclipse." This sentence is very long and should probably be rewritten entirely. First of all, you should inform the reader earlier on what film or film series Victoria is a part of (as of now, it is first mentioned at the end of the sentence). Secondly, it is overall poorly written; who is Bella Swan? Was her (Victoria's? Bella Swan's?) mate killed in the first film of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse?

done

1.  Done "The film is a supernatural romance fantasy movie from Summit Entertainment that is based on the Stephanie Meyer book." Bolded text should be replaced with "romantic vampire film", and "Stephanie Meyer book" should be replaced by "the book by Stephanie Meyer".

done

1.  Done "She landed the part after Rachelle Lefevre had to drop out from a scheduling conflict in July 2009." Rachelle Lefevre dropped out from a scheduling conflict?

done

1.  Done "Filming started in August 2009. Eclipse was directed by David Slade and released to theaters on June 30. It set a new record for the biggest midnight opening domestically in box office history, making around $30 million in over 4,000 theaters and topped the weekend box office with $64 million in ticket sales." These sentences are inconsistent; the first sentence mentions the film's production, the second mentions the director and the film's release date, and the third further details the film's release. David Slade and filming should be merged into one sentence, as should the release date and further mentions of the film's release.

done

• 3rd paragraph

1.  Done "In December 2009, she was cast in Clint Eastwood's Hereafter (2010), which deals with mortality, as a burgeoning love interest of Matt Damon's character." The bolded text jars, and should be removed. Also, replace "she" with "Howard".

done

1.  Done "Her first film of 2011 will be The Help, a movie adaption of Kathryn Stockett's 2009 best-selling novel of the same name, that also includes Emma Stone, Viola Davis and Jessica Chastain." Replace bolded text with "and will also star".

done

1.  Done "Howard has teamed with her father to help produce Gus Van Sant's Restless," Add "up" after "team", and when did they team up?

Fixed wording. I haven't been able to find a RS interview where she goes into discuss of why they produce that film in particular

1.  Done "She was cast in a supporting role in the cancer dramedy 50/50 opposite Seth Rogen, which is based on a true story." Add bolded text after "role".

done

1.  Done "Both films have September releases. "It’s viewing that experience through a very truthful lens of humour", she said of 50/50's take on its heavy subject matter." These sentences are in the wrong order. In the previous sentence, it says that 50/50 is based on a true story, and the next one mentions the film's release date. The third sentence goes back to the film's premise.

fixed

1.  Done "She announced in 2011 she would be directing a film called The Original." "In 2011, she announced that she...".

done

1.  Done "She co-wrote the screenplay with her brother-in-law Dane Charbonneau, which she described as 'a Breakfast Club for my generation'." She described her brother-in-law?

fixed'

Personal life

• 1st paragraph

1.  Done "The two had met at New York University[11] and dated for five years." Remove "had".

done

1.  Done "Howard had difficulty breast-feeding, which she found to be more painful than experiencing natural child birth, and would often cry in the shower and allowed her house to fall apart." What do you mean by the bolded text?

I've removed it.

1.  Done "Feeling overwhelmed and unable to made decisions," Bolded part is in wrong tense.

Done

• 2nd paragraph

1.  Done "Howard became a devoted vegan when Joaquin Phoenix, her The Village co-star, showed her a documentary on animal cruelty called Earthlings, for which he had provided the narration at the request of Nation Earth." Replace bolded text with "a co-star in The Village". Also, what is "Nation Earth"?

I re-worded the co-star and removed the NE mention

1.  Done "However, in August 2006, Howard announced that she had switched her diet from vegan to vegetarian in order to help her boost her amino acid levels in preparation for pregnancy." Remove bolded text and add it after "for".

Done

• 3rd paragraph

1.  Done "Howard has said that she gets freaked out by "the Hollywood scene" and has never had a sip of alcohol in her entire life." Put "freaked out" in quotations.

Done

Lead

Looks good!

In conclusion

This article needs some work, but it's not too far from GA status . Sorry if I've sounded a bit critical in this review, (especially since you've had to wait so long for it) but I'm sure you will make a fine job fixing the article. I will put it on hold for seven days, but I won't be able to respond until July 10, when I'm back from my vacation. Good luck! :) Queenieacoustic (talk) 21:40, 2 July 2011 (UTC)

I've returned from my vacation, and I notice that you've made some significant improvements on this article. Well done! There are just some small tweaks that need to be made before I can pass it for GA, so until then, good luck! :D Queenieacoustic (talk) 12:56, 9 July 2011 (UTC)

Nice work!! I'm more than happy to pass this article now. :) Queenieacoustic (talk) 13:26, 9 July 2011 (UTC)