Talk:Bruno Mars at The Chelsea, Las Vegas

GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Bruno Mars at The Chelsea at The Cosmopolitan/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: No Great Shaker (talk · contribs) 15:28, 8 July 2020 (UTC)

Basic GA criteria

1. Well written: the prose is clear and concise.
2. Well written: the spelling and grammar are correct.
3. Complies with the MOS guidelines for lead sections.
4. Complies with the MOS guidelines for article structure and layout.
5. Complies with the MOS guidelines for words to watch.
6. Complies with the MOS guidelines for writing about fiction – not applicable.
7. Complies with the MOS guidelines for list incorporation.
8. Complies with the MOS guidelines for use of quotations.
9. All statements are verifiable with inline citations provided.
10. All inline citations are from reliable sources, etc.
11. Contains a list of all references in accordance with the layout style guideline.
12. No original research.
13. No copyright violations or plagiarism.
14. Broad in its coverage but within scope and in summary style.
15. Neutral.
16. Stable.
17. Illustrated, if possible.
18. Images are at least fair use and do not breach copyright.

Hello, MarioSoulTruthFan. I'll be doing this review and will use the checklist above to register progress. Hope to provide some feedback soon. No Great Shaker (talk) 15:28, 8 July 2020 (UTC)

Hello again, MarioSoulTruthFan. It's an interesting article and I'm impressed by its objectivity. It already meets most of the criteria including verification, coverage and neutrality, but it should really have been carefully proofread and copyedited before nomination because it presently fails all of the first three criteria above. This list outlines the problems I've found and I'll leave this with you for a week and place the review on hold in the meantime.

Thanks for taking your time to review the article, I will address your concerns to the best of my abillities. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 13:46, 10 July 2020 (UTC)

1. Amend title to either "Bruno Mars at The Chelsea, Las Vegas" or "Bruno Mars at The Cosmopolitan, Las Vegas". Having at the... at the... jars somewhat and the sources don't use it as the name of the venue.
2. You don't need to repeat the title in the opening sentence. I would suggest something along the lines of: The American singer and songwriter Bruno Mars performed the debut concert residency at The Chelsea, the new concert showroom in the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas, from December 2013 to December 2015.  Partly done all articles start this way, why shouldn't this one start like this too?
3. Correct enconre.
4. Mention the number of shows (eleven) in the lead.
5. The concert residency begins both of the last two sentences in the lead: replace with "It" in the second one. Also, if you include the dates in the first sentence, omit lasted two years.
6. No comma after halftime show.
7. Semi-colon after two more dates is incorrect: use a colon to introduce a new clause or, in this case, a comma as it is only a date.
8. Write Chief Executive Officer in full first time with the acronym in brackets and then CEO on its own thereafter.
9. Use a colon or a comma after said to introduce the statement.
10. Omit the before 2016 in the performer for the 2016 New Year's Eve and, better still, change the expression to New Year's Eve 2016.
11. Correct ticked.
12. During the concert, Mars and The Hooligans' dance routine showed "Motown-inspired choreography" and the R&B/pop aesthetic form Mars had a "core musical inspiration", whilst he occasionally he made the audience laugh with small comedic sets. This should be two sentences with a full stop after form.
13. Is showed the best word here? The essence is "featured".
14. The second half of the long sentence needs to be revised because it is confusing. Try: Mars had a "core musical inspiration" and he occasionally made the audience laugh with small comedic sets.
15. Change carried on (sounds negative) to continued (more positive).
16. Change the one during the to the one used in the.
17. Incorrect use of semi-colon after another blend of covers. This is where a colon is used as you are introducing a list and, technically, you could use semi-colons as delimiters in the list although this list is simple so the commas are fine.
18. Mars sung. The context is Mars sang.
19. After these covers, Mars sung his piano ballad "When I Was Your Man", having the crowd singing along. Change to: After these covers, Mars sang his piano ballad "When I Was Your Man" with the audience singing along.
20. Replace crowd with audience (more than one instance).
21. Take apostrophe out of for song's suggestions. Better to write for suggested songs or perhaps for song suggestions. By the way, the semi-colon here is correct (two independent clauses with no introductory aspect).
22. Change lifted due to a performance to lifted by a performance.
23. Change the concert was, "An intimate to the concert was "an intimate. No need for a comma here and the capital letter is unnecessary as the quote is contained within the sentence (as per the later quotes).
24. Change the closure of the final sentence to place the quote mark before the full stop. This is for consistency to comply with all other instances in the article.
25. Change during 2013 New Year's Eve concert to during the 2013 New Year's Eve concert (context).

Please let me know if there is anything in the list that you don't understand. Thanks. No Great Shaker (talk) 20:08, 9 July 2020 (UTC)

@No Great Shaker: I have addressed all your comments and left you a question, please let me know if there is anything else I can do to improve the article in question. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 13:56, 10 July 2020 (UTC)

That's looking good now, MarioSoulTruthFan, and I'm happy to promote the article to GA. The use of the title as an opener is personal preference, really. I would tend not to use it unless it's the name of a person or place but I don't mind either way. Sounds like Bruno is a good live performer although I've only ever caught glimpses of him. I was a teenager in Motown days and of course Elvis was very much around then too so I'd probably appreciate this show if I could see it. Anyway, well done. All the best and keep safe. No Great Shaker (talk) 15:40, 10 July 2020 (UTC)

@No Great Shaker:Thanks and by the way you are welcome. If there is anything you need help just let me know. There are videos of it on Youtube and other sources, you won't regret it if you have the time to see it. You too. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:56, 10 July 2020 (UTC)