Talk:Bridget Hustwaite/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 14:03, 26 August 2022 (UTC)

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 14:03, 26 August 2022 (UTC)

No images to review. Instagram is not a reliable source, though here it appears to be covered by the "uncontroversial self-description" clause.

That was my intention in using the source, however, I can try and find an alternate one if need be. Sean Stephens (talk) 14:47, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

• What makes musiclove.com.au a reliable source?

Unsure. I'll give it a second look. Sean Stephens (talk) 14:47, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

• "frequently uses heat bags": I don't think we can say "frequently"; she has used them is all we can say based on the source. I would cut "frequently".

Fair statement, I will amend it as such. Sean Stephens (talk) 14:47, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

 Done. Sean Stephens (talk) 23:22, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

I made this "has used" to avoid the implication that she always does it. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:37, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

Thank you, that adjustment makes a bit more sense. Sean Stephens (talk) 13:05, 15 September 2022 (UTC)

• "her first novel, How to Endo, which documents her experiences": if it's a novel, it's not documenting her experiences, it's based on them (I would assume).

I concur. Sean Stephens (talk) 14:47, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

I've changed it to "chronicles", let me know if you feel I should amend it further. Sean Stephens (talk) 23:22, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

Having just looked at the source to spotcheck it, I see it's not a novel at all; it's listed in non-fiction, so we need to change that. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:37, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

Yes, that is true indeed; I'll update it. Sean Stephens (talk) 13:05, 15 September 2022 (UTC)

 Done. Sean Stephens (talk) 15:21, 16 September 2022 (UTC)

• Having multiple short sections in such a short article makes it hard to read. I suggest combining "Filmography" and "Published works" into a "Professional work" section; eliminating the subsections in "Career", and combining the "In popular culture" factoid with "Career". It would probably be OK to combine the "Advocacy" section with the "Career" section too.

I would tend to agree. I had wondered if the sections were too short. Sean Stephens (talk) 14:47, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

 Done. Sean Stephens (talk) 23:22, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

I have also cut the subheads in the career section as they are very short. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:37, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

Thank you. Sean Stephens (talk) 13:05, 15 September 2022 (UTC)

• Is her relationship with Matt Jennings notable enough to mention? Perhaps remove that information and re-add it if/when he ever gets an article. -- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 14:17, 26 August 2022 (UTC)

I think it's notable in that it was public, not that the relationship itself was. I'll amend it so the sentence has less focus on him and see what you think. Sean Stephens (talk) 14:47, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

I've removed the red link, it should probably redirect to a future subsection of Alex Lahey anyway (he's a live band member). I can amend it further this paragraph need be, but I was trying to balance making it as comprehensive as possible whilst not placing undue weight on him specifically. Sean Stephens (talk) 23:22, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

Given that the relationship is over, and he's not notable, and given WP:BLP's presumption in favour of privacy, I think the "personal life" section should be reduced to just the health issues. If you want to keep the note about her living in Melbourne, I would suggest moving that to the "Early life" section and giving it an "as of", though privacy would argue against keeping it. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:37, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

I'm inclined to leave it in and amend further; I can reduce it to "she was in a relationship with __ for 5 years" even. Having heard her discuss it in radio, it seemed like a significant part of her life. If you feel that would be disadvantageous, I'd be more than happy to remove it. Sean Stephens (talk) 13:05, 15 September 2022 (UTC)

Sean Stephens, just checking you are planning to work on this? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:18, 2 September 2022 (UTC)

For sure! Sean Stephens (talk) 14:47, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

Great; I'll keep an eye on this and check again when you've made changes. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 15:50, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

Earwig finds a duplicated paragraph on allfamousbirthdays.com, but it looks like a Wikipedia mirror, judging by the article dates. Spotchecks.

• FN 3 cites "In late 2015, Hustwaite was offered the role of presenter on Triple J's mid-dawn program": verified; re-uses "on Triple J's mid-dawn program" but that's hard to avoid.
• FN 10 cites "following six years of suffering intense abdominal pain, nausea, and fatigue during her adolescent menstrual years". Source has "Bridget Hustwaite suffered six years of intense abdominal pain before she was diagnosed with stage four endometriosis in August 2018. Since early adolescence, the Endometriosis Australia Ambassador and triple j broadcaster was plagued by heavy bleeding, nausea, fatigue and cramping associated with her period." Again a little overlap in wording but I think it's on the right side of the line.

-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 15:50, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

Let me know if you feel any changes here need making, it can be hard to avoid deriving words and phrases from the source at times but I'll rephrase as necessary. And yeah, I think the Famous Birthdays link has copied information from here; I have noticed that to happen to other articles in the past. Sean Stephens (talk) 23:22, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

No, I think those are OK. I am a bit concerned about how short the article is, particularly if you cut the personal life sentences as I suggest above, but there's no lower limit on wordage for a GA. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:37, 8 September 2022 (UTC)

Sean, just checking in again -- there are still two or three points outstanding above -- the musiclove.com.au source, the description of the book as a novel, and the personal life section. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:36, 15 September 2022 (UTC)

My apologies; I've had a busy couple of days. Looking now, I agree with the phrasing RE her book, I'll be sure to change that. The Music Love source, I was confident was a good one but I'll have to go over that. And I'll flesh out a few more sentences of detail tomorrow due to your earlier notations that the article might be a tad short to pass GA status. Thank you for your feedback! Sean Stephens (talk) 13:05, 15 September 2022 (UTC)

Let me know when you're ready for me to take another look. Re the length: I wouldn't pad the article; it should be whatever length the sources support. Re the personal life, I'm still not convinced he should be mentioned at all; she's apparently not enough of a celebrity for him to have drawn scrutiny. Are there any sources that mention him that aren't just her mentioning him in an interview? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 13:48, 15 September 2022 (UTC)

I've taken a look at the Music Love source and thought it was okay, what seemed to be the issue with it? FWIW, I couldn't find anything else about her early career with SYN–outside of primary sources like her website and the SYN website. I've now junked most of the personal life section; I believe that how it is now is probably the best fit for noting a relationship with someone non-notable (I'm only inclined to keep it in as per other celebrity articles with personal lives sections about non-famous partners, if you would prefer it be removed, I'm happy to do so). A couple more sentences have been added, I'll have a glance around and see if there's anything important that should be added. What do you think of the lead—does it need more detail, or is it fine as is? Also, apologies for the delays, there's been some wild weather in my area lately, and it's impacted both my internet access and my ability to fine-tune this article. Sean Stephens (talk) 15:21, 16 September 2022 (UTC)

The link for Music Love explicitly says it's a blog, which normally means it's not a reliable source. I had a look at the website and there's no evidence it exercises editorial control, or is owned by e.g. a corporate entity, or is anything more than a site run by enthusiasts. I'll read through the changes you made to the article shortly. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:06, 19 September 2022 (UTC)

In the new material you added, the Pilerats sources looks like a blog, and I'm not sure it's a reliable source in any case -- the "about" information says it's a just a collective and says nothing about editorial control. The author link for this post says "The Pilerats News Room machine, sometimes serious, sometimes silly, always stuff." which again doesn't give a lot of confidence about editorial filters. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:13, 19 September 2022 (UTC)

Sean Stephens, just checking in to see if you're still planning to work on this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 14:01, 26 September 2022 (UTC)

Failing GA for inactivity. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 09:47, 3 October 2022 (UTC)