Talk:Brich dem Hungrigen dein Brot, BWV 39/GA1
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Reviewer: Adam Cuerden (talk · contribs) 11:39, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
Alright. This is a pretty good article, but the quality of prose is far below what's needed, with parts of it being incomprehensible:
- "After two years of regular cantata composition, Bach did not begin his third annual cycle with a new major new work. Only one year later, he composed Brich dem Hungrigen dein Brot for the occasion." - outside of the redundant "new major new work", it's not clear what this is trying to say - do you mean that he took a one-year break from composing cantatas, doing other works? Did he only produce what are considered minor works in the third year of this project? I presume that it's trying to say he didn't begin this composition until the fourth year of his project, but I'm not entirely sure on that point.
- I am trying to say - and English is not my first language, so help is appreciated - that it was kind of a surprise that he didn't begin his third cantata cycle with a major work, as cycles I and II the years before, actually not even with a work by himself at all, BUT this cantata became that (expected) major work one year later. Unlike the others, the third cycle stretches over more than one year. Gerda Arendt (talk)
- I am trying to say - and English is not my first language, so help is appreciated - that it was kind of a surprise that he didn't begin his third cantata cycle with a major work, as cycles I and II the years before, actually not even with a work by himself at all, BUT this cantata became that (expected) major work one year later. Unlike the others, the third cycle stretches over more than one year. Gerda Arendt (talk)
- A text poet developed ideas from the Old Testament to central New Testament words. What is a "text poet"?
- a too literal translation from the German Textdichter. Should I use librettist? Does it cover enough that the result is poetry? "Librettist" tried. Gerda Arendt (talk)
- Librettist sounds right. Perhaps we could emphasise the detail by saying something like "The librettist responsible for turning the Biblical text into poetry". Adam Cuerden (talk) 14:17, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
- Only he didn't. The biblical text is quoted without a change, the librettist wrote the text for the recitatives and arias. Gerda Arendt (talk)
- Librettist sounds right. Perhaps we could emphasise the detail by saying something like "The librettist responsible for turning the Biblical text into poetry". Adam Cuerden (talk) 14:17, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
- a too literal translation from the German Textdichter. Should I use librettist? Does it cover enough that the result is poetry? "Librettist" tried. Gerda Arendt (talk)
- the second with a quotation from the Epistle to the Hebrews (Hebrews 13:16) as the central movement 4. - Do you mean that the second part begins with the central fourth movement? If so, that should be something like "the central fourth movement, which begins the second part, starts with a quotation from the Epistle to the Hebrews (Hebrews 13:16)." (Also, the first part of that section, "The author organized the text in seven movements in two parts", should be written "The author organised the seven movements into two distinct parts".)
- I tried, but the central 4th movement doesn't begin with Hebrews 13:16, - that is the complete text of that short movement. - I won't add my own reflections on Bach composing complicated music for the Old Testament, simple music for the New, - OR ;) Gerda Arendt (talk)
- Ah, right. I think I see a way forwards then.
- I tried, but the central 4th movement doesn't begin with Hebrews 13:16, - that is the complete text of that short movement. - I won't add my own reflections on Bach composing complicated music for the Old Testament, simple music for the New, - OR ;) Gerda Arendt (talk)
While the article passes all other GA criteria, the prose issue blocks this from being a GA. However, there aren't that many problems, so if you can clarify the points listed above, I can probably get this fixed. Adam Cuerden (talk) 11:39, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
- Please look again, --Gerda Arendt (talk) 12:15, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
- Doing so. Thanks for clarifying, we should have this ready for GA pretty soon =) Adam Cuerden (talk) 14:17, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
- Right, I think that will do. If you plan to go to FA, I'd probably suggest getting in one of the expert copyeditors floating around, but, despite how I may have made it sound (for which I apologise), it wasn't that bad outside of the few bits that were unclear. If you ever want me to look over things again, please ask me!
✓ Pass Adam Cuerden (talk) 14:37, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
- Thank you. FA will be much later if at all. You read my mind, though, but I will start with an early work, BWV 172. I will ask you once I get there, --Gerda Arendt (talk) 14:47, 22 June 2013 (UTC)
- Sounds great! I'm a huge fan of Bach, although admittedly haven't heard as much of his works as I'd like. CDs get expensive. Adam Cuerden (talk) 14:59, 22 June 2013 (UTC)