Talk:Briarcliff Manor Union Free School District/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ritchie333 (talk · contribs) 10:05, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

As I've been asked, I can review this

Lead

"The district is an independent public entity. It is governed by the district Board of Education" - this could probably be one sentence

done.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:25, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"three schools serving about 1,600 students. It spends an average of $24,858 per pupil and has a student to teacher ratio of 13:1" - this claim in the lead should also go in the body somewhere

done.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:25, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

For acronyms such as "UFSD", define them first ie: in this case, put that in brackets immediately after the title. That way a reader knows exactly what the acronym is referring to.

Well UFSD is a common acronym, but the district itself is often referred to as the BMSD, BMUFSD, and Briarcliff Manor UFSD. How should I fix this...--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:25, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

You'll be surprised at what's "obvious" and "common" to one person isn't to another (eg: somebody foreign born living in the US who's never been to school there). To fix it, I would start the lead off with "The Briarcliff Manor Union Free School District (UFSD)". That should fix it Ritchie333 ^(talk) ^(cont) 10:10, 22 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I know that UFSD won't be familiar to all readers, though 99% of this article's readers will be from the US. Regardless it should be clarified, although your above proposed way makes it seem like UFSD is an acronym solely representing this district.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:37, 22 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"won first place for the small district category of the 2008 Digital School Districts Survey" - though this claim is sourced, again the information should be repeated and expanded in the body

done.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:25, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments on the body to follow. Ritchie333 ^(talk) ^(cont) 10:05, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

History

"In 1865, a one-room schoolhouse was built on land" - might be useful to say whereabouts exactly

done.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:48, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The book sources could do with page numbers

This'll take a while, and some are more accessible than others, some have no page numbers. Will work on this soon.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:48, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, I believe I added all I can; Gelard's, Pattison's, and the Centennial book are both too short and don't have page numbers. Bosak's, Yasinsac's, and the Family Album aren't easy to find; I'll have to go back to Briarcliff to get them, and next I'll be there will be around April. Seeing as it's not a GA requirement, please let this pass with my assurance that I'll return to fill in the rest.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 01:06, 23 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"Briarcliff Public School was built in 1898 and burned down in 1928" - did nothing significant occur between those two years?

That's right, so far as all of my sources say.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:48, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"$50,000 ($1.31 million today)" - when is "today"?

I use an inflation template that will take the 50,000 number and change it into the current year's dollar value; I use 'today' instead of {{currentyear}} as it'll be more accurate; the inflation template is manually updated and may not be technically accurate to whatever the current year is, although it would be accurate enough to "today". It's been brought up before by other editors, most recently around the end of 2014, where "{{currentyear}}" would say 2015 but the inflation template would be accurate to 2014 figures.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:48, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"the nearby Ossining High School In 1918" - period missing

fixed.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:48, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"In 1918, the Briarcliff school began educating students through high school" - why did the narrative just jump back from 1928 to 1918?

fixed.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:48, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Pace University could be wikilinked

done.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:48, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

(in image caption) "the baseball and softball fields are under construction" - are they still under construction?

Until Template:Cite tweet exists, I can't find a source for this. The tweet in question is here. So without RSs, it should stay that way...--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:48, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"leasing the middle-school building, and the middle school was moved" - to avoid repetition, the second "middle school" could be simply referred to as "it"

"Pace University began leasing the middle-school building, and it was moved to a portion of the new high school building."? That seems to imply that the MS building was moved into the HS building.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:48, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"and senior housing was built" - as this links to retirement home, which I don't believe is a term not used in the US, I'd use that instead

OK.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:48, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

General information

This New York Times source could be mined further - it states the district is "prized because of the close relationships students can form with their mentors as the result of its small size", for example

I tried to get everything worthwhile from it. The example you state seems rather POV and opinion-based; not necessarily factual. It's better to say the student-teacher ratio is 13:1, which is an unalterable fact.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 22:03, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

But that doesn't mean you can't cite that, saying it's the opinion of the New York Times. It would certainly add some colour to this section, which seems rather short otherwise. Ritchie333 ^(talk) ^(cont) 10:05, 22 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Which section were you looking for it to be added to?--ɱ (talk · vbm) 21:37, 22 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"after George A. Todd, Jr.,[4] who was the village's first teacher" - I'd leave the comma out, myself

OK, done.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 22:03, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

kindergarten and second grade could be wikilinked

done.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 22:03, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"The student to teacher ratio is 21:1" - this information is included twice

fixed.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 22:03, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"The school runs the Greenhouse Club, which donated to charities, fixed old laptops, and" ... shouldn't this be in the present tense, unless the club has now stopped running?

I know from sources that they did these activities; it doesn't mean they're regular activities they're still doing.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 22:03, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Rather than clumping four citations about the Greenhouse Club together at the end of the paragraph, it may be more helpful to split them out, and re-use each one if a fact is required twice

done.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 22:53, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

"The school is noted for its annual musicals" - per WP:ITSHOULDBENOTED, rather than just saying "it's noted", add some specifics from the source such as sellout tickets and links with professionals

fixed.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 01:57, 22 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I think more from Briarcliff High School's lead could be included here, such as the high student achievement and testing scores, and 100% proficiency in Maths and English

done.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 01:57, 22 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Summary

I can't think of anything else, so I'll put the review on hold pending improvements. Ritchie333 ^(talk) ^(cont) 15:53, 21 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I addressed everything, but we'll have to revisit a few issues.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 01:57, 22 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Ritchie333: awaiting your comment on the few remaining issues.--ɱ (talk · vbm) 02:58, 26 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

{{re}} doesn't seem to ping. Anyway, I just came back to this and I think the only thing left was popping a bit more in "General information" from the NYT source. That's now done, so I'm happy to pass the review. Well done. Ritchie333 ^(talk) ^(cont) 15:27, 27 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]