Talk:Brian Twyne/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Nikkimaria (talk) 14:38, 28 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Hello! I'll be reviewing this article for possible GA status. My review should be posted shortly. Cheers, Nikkimaria (talk) 14:38, 28 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I've decided to pass this article as GA. Consider the below comments suggestions for further improvement. Cheers, Nikkimaria (talk) 17:40, 28 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your speedy review and useful suggestions, all of which I hope I have now adopted. Bencherlite ^Talk 19:39, 28 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Writing and formatting

Biographies should include persondata - see WP:PDATA
"This was not unusual, however" - unclear if this refers to Twyne taking the Southampton spot or there being no spot for Surrey
Was Antiquitatis academiae Oxoniensis apologia his only work (as in article text) or his only main work (as in the lead)?
"re-establish Oxford as the older foundation" - should be "older university" or "earlier foundation"
"He was given permission by the university to borrow documents for this purpose in May 1606, and the work (running to 456 pages in three volumes) relies upon archive documents held by the university, the colleges and the city of Oxford, as well as material from three Oxfordshire abbeys and the works of Homer, Aristotle, Cicero, and other classical authors" - suggest splitting into 2 sentences to improve readability
"Twyne had been unable to find the quotation in any known manuscript, and challenged Camden about it, who said that it came from a copy sent to him by Sir Henry Savile (who is now generally regarded as the originator of the passage, with Camden's connivance)" - grammar, and what "quotation" are you referring to? None was mentioned in the earlier discussion of Camden's edition
"The university's statutes at this time were written in the registers of the chancellor and proctors; the chancellor's register dated from 1315, and the contents had been confusingly rearranged by rebinding, and although the two proctors' registers from 1407 and 1477 were in better arrangement, repealed statutes remained next to ones that were current" - very long sentence, could split to improve readability
Zouch or Zouche?
"Twyne was part of a new delegacy appointed by William Laud (Archbishop of Canterbury) and the new Chancellor of the University)" - parentheses placement

Accuracy and verifiability

"Despite the assistance of his father's patron Thomas Sackville, 1st Earl of Dorset (Lord High Treasurer and Chancellor of the University), he failed to be elected to a fellowship at Merton College, Oxford. He studied with the mathematician Thomas Allen, encountering modern developments in astronomy and navigation" - source?
Why is Hegarty in Bibliography while Crossley is not?
Be consistent in whether shortened notes end with a period or not

Broad

"Death and legacy" repeats some of the details from earlier in the text

Neutrality

No issues noted

Stability

No issues noted

Images

One Creative Commons and one PD-old image - no obvious problems