Talk:Brian Kershisnik/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: MX (talk · contribs) 14:54, 7 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Review

Doing... Hi Rachel Helps (BYU)! I'd love to get this review started. I'll post my review in the next few days. Thanks for working on this! Stay tuned. MX (✉ • ✎) 14:54, 7 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Bit of a delay. Had friends from out of town come over unexpectedly over the weekend. I've read through the article already. I just need to go back and post the review material. Thanks for your patience. Cheers, MX (✉ • ✎) 04:04, 12 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Part 1: Sections

Personal life and education

Kershisnik was born in 1962, in Oklahoma City. – Please add the complete DOB (month and date). If not, the date in the infobox would be unsourced per WP:INFOBOXCITE.

I removed this information since I cannot find a source for it. Rachel Helps (BYU) (talk) 17:23, 15 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Kershisnik attended the University of Utah intending to study architecture – University of Utah

He transferred to Brigham Young University (BYU) where he – Brigham Young University

eventually focusing on painting – focused

He received his Bachelor of Arts (BA) from Brigham Young University – Use the acronyms BYU.

his family moved to Kanosh, Utah – Kanosh, Utah

The wikilinks you recommended for this section are in the lead, but not linked again in the body (per MOS:REPEATLINK). Should they be linked again in the body of the article? Rachel Helps (BYU) (talk) 17:23, 15 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Kershisnik and his wife had three children, and later divorced after the children left home. – Any mention on when he got married? If not, then I would write: "Kershisnik married [name, if applicable] and had three children. The couple later divorced after the children left home". However, if you can change "left home" and be more specific (i.e. got married, left home to go to college, etc.), even better. Just make sure it is supported by the sources.
So the sources are rather vague about this, and somehow got mixed up. I've replaced the source you saw with the right 15 Bytes article, which simply states: "As their children prepared to leave home, Kershisnik and his wife, who disliked being confused with the women in his paintings, reconsidered the choices they’d made years earlier. Both eventually left Kanosh to pursue separate futures on the populous Wasatch Front, where they continue actively parenting their children through the transition to adult life" (the second page of the article; on this page). I was able to verify the divorce through a public record, since the 15 Bytes article never actually states they were divorced, but I didn't want to use the year from it since WP:BLPPRIMARY forbids using public records for BLPs (but I didn't want it to look like he was a bigamist, so I stated that they were divorced.). I'm not really sure what the right thing to do here is. Rachel Helps (BYU) (talk) 17:23, 15 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

teaching vacancy at his Alma mater, Brigham Young University – "... at his alma mater, BYU..."

which brought him to Provo, Utah where he currently resides – link Provo, Utah; and change "currently" per WP:RELTIME. Maybe add "... where he resides since [date]", if applicable.
I couldn't find a more exact date, but I tried to make the prose more specific. Rachel Helps (BYU) (talk) 17:42, 15 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

He is married to Faith Kershisnik – This should be merged with the first mention of the wife, see above. Make sure to keep the sources together, however. This sentence seems a bit out of place where it is.

Kershisnik and his neighbor Joseph Adams have also been collaborating for over 15 years – The phrase "over 15 years" can get outdated, and gives readers no real sentence of when the collaboration started. Perhaps you can rephrase to "since [date]" if applicable.

Process and style

Christian idea that humans receive divine assistance – Would you say that this theological idea is divine providence? If so, please link.

Notable works

Nativity depicts the miraculous event of Christ's birth – Link Christ's birth with Nativity of Jesus.

started the 17-foot-long painting – convert using WP:CONVERT; Meters should be included.

Criticism

limiting the emotional weight of Christ's death - link Christ's death to Crucifixion of Jesus

Writing for the Phoenix New Times, Tricia Parker commented – link Phoenix New Times

Tricia Parker commented that his people are – what do you mean by "his people"? The people painted in the work? Please clarify.

Permanent and long-term exhibitions and collections

the Springville Museum of Art, – Please link it.

The collections in Illinois State University and the University of Ohio also include some of his works. – same here

Part 2: Sources

Kershisnik and his wife had three children, and later divorced after the children left home – Couldn't find this in the source provided. I found a small mention of the wife but nothing else.

Joe and Brian (Documentary). Kanosh, Utah: YouTube. January 2013. – At first I thought this source would be ineligible per WP:PRIMARY, but after looking at the "About" section in the YouTube channel here, I decided to keep this. The source seems reliable enough for me, and the text in the article does not give any interpretation of the source. All good here.

Givens, Terryl; Barlow, Phillip L. (2015). The Oxford Handbook of Mormonism. New York, NY: Oxford University Press. ISBN 9780199778362. – Ideally a page would be needed her, but there doesn't seem to be one available online. All good here.

@MX: Thank you for the review! I made most of the changes you suggested, with comments on some parts within your review above. Rachel Helps (BYU) (talk) 17:23, 15 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good to me! You're right about the question you had above about overlinking. I usually link in the lead once and in the sections below once, but that's up to editors to decide. Everything else checks out. Nice job here! MX (✉ • ✎) 21:51, 15 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]