Talk:Brett Hull/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sarastro1 (talk · contribs) 19:46, 17 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Nice work on this one. Nit-picks only, although watch out for WP:DATED in a few places.

Lead

"alternate governor": Not sure what this means.
It is a front office position. Each team has a representative on the NHL's Board of Governors. Hull would be an alternate to the Dallas Stars' governor, able to speak on behalf of the team. I'm not sure how to clarify that for you, except to link to board of governors, which isn't a great article at this point.
"a reference to his father, Hall of Famer Bobby Hull": Having two such linked terms next to each other makes it look like one big link.
That was added by someone else after I nominated. Reworded and moved to the third paragraph where I talk about Brett and his father.
"His 86 goals in 1990–91 is the third highest single-season total in NHL history": WP:DATED?
Nope. And given the changes in the game since then, it is decidedly unlikely to be eclipsed any time soon, if ever.
"While he was also eligible to play for Canada, Hull represented the United States internationally.": "While" is a little confusing here as it may mean "at the same time", which would be odd.
Reworded.
"As well they are the only pair to each score 1,000 career points in the NHL.": Not sure about "As well", but if it is to be there, I think it needs a comma.
Removed "as well"

Playing Career

"He had two elder brothers, Bobby Jr. and Blake, a younger brother, Bart, and a younger sister, Michelle.": Comma overload here! Maybe rephrase to cut some of them down?
Fixed.
"before his parents' acrimonious 1979 divorce": I think, as written, this suggests that there may have been divorces in other years. Maybe "acrimonious divorce in 1979".
Fixed.
"Admitting that he was viewed…": By who? Looking at the source, a direct quote may be better, as the current phrasing suggests that teams held this view. The source seems vaguer than that.
I didn't convert to a direct quote, but did make a change. Any better?
Anything on his early hockey: he seems to go from a child learning to skate to being on the fringes of the NHL with little development in between. School teams? Youth teams?
He would have played minor hockey in Chicago, Winnipeg and Vancouver, but nothing happened that was so outstanding as to be covered well (thus the lack of interest from junior teams). I did at a brief note about learning while watching his father.

"and in 1984–85, scored 32 goals as a freshman while the power of his shot terrorized opposition goaltenders": Not sure about this "while" either.
"Broke into two sentences.
His college records also need dating, per WP:DATED.
I state only that he broke the record of that time, not that he still holds it. Minnesota-Duluth's site is remarkably poor for statistical history, so I cannot say one way or another if he still holds the record, though I am personally certain he does.
"when he hit the post in his first shift of the game": Shift?
Added a link.
"and his 93 points was third best in the league": Should this be were the best?
I'm going to call WP:ENGVAR on this one. "Were" is more of a European convention.
"inattention to playing defense": This doesn't sound quite right. Would "inattention to defensive duties" or something similar work in hockey-speak?
Yeah, that works. Changed.
"prolific offensive numbers": Maybe rephrase, as this is a little jargony and sounds like someone might be offended by a number!
Heh, rephrased.
Over what did Hull and Keenan clash?
A shorter list might be what they didn't clash about. ;) But clarified.
"the league altered the rule after the fact to avoid the embarrassment of having to restart the game after the Stars had already begun celebrating": Something not quite right here. As written, it either suggests that the league altered the rules in the seconds between the goal being scored and the team celebrating, or that the alternative to altering the rule was to replay the game. Not sure that either is correct.
Removed most of the passage. Double checking the reference, it doesn't support the statement as I had it presented. The conspiracy theory is the former, but I'll have to go back and find another source before I reinsert/reword.
"abolished the crease rule following the season": Why not just after the season?

Changed to a third alternative

"He rebounded in the 2000 Stanley Cup Playoffs": rebounded seems jargony.

Reworded

"The Coyotes, who had relocated from Winnipeg in 1996, continued to honor the Jets' retired numbers…": Until I followed some links, I did not realise that these were the same team. Perhaps it could be made clearer in the text?

Clarified slightly and added a link to Relocation of professional sports teams.

"Team Canada stymied them in the final": Not really encyclopaedic.

Reworded

Playing style

Last paragraph is a little repetitive; most sentences begin "He", "His" or "Hull".

General

Spot-checks fine.
A few deadlinks according to this.
Hmm. Not sure what is up, but the two Canada.com links are still live, even though the show as dead. The Bufalo News link is dead, but only temporarily so. The website says it will be made available again following an in-progress website redesign. Replaced the Odessa American link.
Image of Hull is fine. However, I'm not entirely convinced by the non-free rationale for the Retirement Patch. While not an expert on images by any means, I'm not sure that the image is needed to convey the fact that his number was retired.

I was unsure on both the value and status myself. Removed.

I'll place this on hold, but no major problems. Sarastro1 (talk) 20:09, 17 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Excellent, thanks for the review! I am very tied up today, but will try to respond to all of this tomorrow. Cheers! Reso lute 23:14, 18 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

And done. Thanks again for the review! Reso lute 01:05, 20 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Everything looking good now, happy to pass. Sarastro1 (talk) 09:24, 20 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]