Talk:Boys & Girls Harbor

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Start

Great Start!!!!! Your article lacks pictures and any sort of a hook. I felt like I was reading a fact sheet after the first sentence. Is there any way you can make it more engaging. For instance I want to know more about this Drexel Duke fellow, what was he like. Remember Fifi you can be creative, this assignment should be fun, in fact that is why wikipedia was created to make looking up information more fun. Your off to a great start and I can't wait to see what else you add.Deichman (talk) 18:37, 18 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Ginna

All in all, I think the information you have posted about Boys and Girls Harbor is pretty solid. Your second sentence that starts with "The Charter school and its various other programs " ends up reading a little choppy. If you were to use a few less commas or break it down into two sentences, I think that would help. You did a terrific job of writing the article from a non-biased point of view and I think you included all the necessary information one would need to get a general idea about your topic. As far as format goes, I think that an image of some sort would help your article. Also don't forget to include some info on Hans Hageman. Keep up the good work G-Knott!Sjperry (talk) 14:38, 25 March 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Strengths

This is a good start to the article
There is correct citation throughout
Did not make the information seem biased, which the last article cited was

Weaknesses

The setup of the page could be more clear. For example at the top of the page, is that supposed to be an introduction or information that will later be broken up in to sections.

Additional Resources

The website for the Boys & Girls Harbor website has a multitude of links to which you can use as resources to add more information

References

The link to the first website is broken, im not sure what was wrong with it but it did not work

Ways to improve

Add more sections, more information on the topics covered in the top paragraph
Along with that use more resources - from the website or elsewhere

Depolomd (talk) 02:25, 8 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Fab Job!

I really can tell you have put your heart and sole into this Virginia. It is so refreshing to see someone so committed not only to thier own educational aspirations but also the aspirations and dreams of the children of New York. Keep up the great work, your academic prowess and huge heart is a model to us all. Heharper (talk) 03:00, 8 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Great Work-- My only edits would be to set off the "East Hampton, New York, Boys and Girls Harbor" with and "and" before "Boys and Girls" because there are too many commas right around there and it might be confusing when reading it. Also, since you are talking mainly about the founder in the "history" section, it might be more relevant to title that section"founder" instead of "history".

Another formatting issue i thought would benefit from some change would be to reverse the two sentences about the mission of the school to come before talking about how parents/children have to be dedicated to their mission so that it's more of an introductory sentence to that next one.

If you could find anything else, i think it would be nice to see what year the school became coeducational and why?

Great job and can't wait to see how it turns out! —Preceding unsigned comment added by Powellmb (talk • contribs) 14:45, 8 April 2009 (UTC)[reply]