Talk:Boyce McDaniel/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: North8000 (talk) 16:50, 9 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Just checking in at this time. In disclosure, the nominator gave a tough and thorough GA review on an article (SS Edmund Fitzgerald) which I nominated and we were thankul for for the toughness and thoroughness; it subsequently achieved FA; I hope to return the favor with a tough and thorough review. One other disclaimer, I am weak on reference formatting expertise, but as I understand it that is not a GA criteria. I'll have a preliminary review in today. Sincerely, North8000 (talk) 16:50, 9 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I would expect no less. Thank you for taking the time. Racepacket (talk) 11:27, 10 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thoughts after a quick pass

At this preliminary stage, I'm making some suggestions for either changes or to hear your thoughts if you do not think they are feasible or worth doing. North8000 (talk) 11:44, 10 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Add a bit to the lead - like another small paragraph?

How about:

During World War II, McDaniel used his electronics expertise to help develop cyclotrons used to separate Uranium isotopes. McDaniel is also noted as having performed the final check on the first atomic bomb prior to its detonation in the Trinity test.

Looks good to me. North8000 (talk) 02:49, 14 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Added. Racepacket (talk) 06:01, 15 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

A major thread of his work is involvement in ever more powerful accelerators which presumably also followed a time progression. The article also gave this type of information, leading me to try to follow it both lines. Have yet to figure out what to suggest, but I had to read that part of the Biography section three times to really figure out the picture.

Each successor accelerator was state of the art. Here is the chronology:

Looks good, but how about a bit more of a title saying that these are the ones he was involved with /led? North8000 (talk) 02:52, 14 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Accelerators That McDaniel Helped Develop
Power	Year
300 MeV Cornell	1947
1 GeV Cornell	1957
2 GeV Cornell	1964
10 GeV Cornell	1967
18 GeV (effective) CESR	1979
300 GeV FermiLab	1973

I am not sure what to do with this. I am placing it in the article and you are free to move it or delete it. Racepacket (talk) 06:01, 15 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Sufficiently resolved. North8000 (talk) 11:02, 15 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Where the article says: "he had increased the power of Fermilab's accelerator from 20 GeV to 300 GeV", this was a huge project involving lots of people....article makes it sound like he did it single-handedly. And once we know he didn't do it single-handedly, then the question arises as to what his role was in it. If accurate, maybe say "under his leadership: or "he led the effort" etc......

He led the effort would be fine. In reality, the project was stalled and Wilson brought McDaniel in to fix it.

Resolved North8000 (talk) 14:08, 14 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

"became the world's leading source of information about one of the fundamental...." sounds categorical & extraordinary where it should either get a cite or be dialed back a bit.

Would "primary" be better than "leading?" The fact is that during this period, Cornell was the source of experimental data on the b-quark. The other source was Fermilab, where it was discovered in 1977.

I think that would put it on a bit safer ground for not requiring a cite. North8000 (talk) 10:01, 14 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Done.(Racepacket)

Resolved North8000 (talk) 11:07, 15 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

What do you think about adding a 2nd image? Should be relatively easy, could be of one of the noted atom smasher facilities, or of the Trinity test?

Added

Resolved North8000 (talk) 10:05, 14 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

From a flow standpoint, what do you think of a final sentence stating his death, with a fact or two (e.g. where) beyond the date?

How about:

McDaniel died of a heart attack in Ithaca, New York at the age 84.<ref name=obit/>

Sounds good. North8000 (talk) 10:05, 14 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Added. Racepacket (talk) 06:01, 15 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Resolved North8000 (talk) 11:05, 15 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

It says 1972, Wilson invited McDaniel to run a big chunk of Fermilab. But the most recent mention of Wilson in the article was only as McDaniel's predecessor at LNS. Sounds confusing. Was Wilson running fermilab? If so it should say.

How about,

Wilson and McDaniel continued to collaborate at Cornell until Wilson left to head Fermilab in 1967.

as the new first sentence of the Fermilab paragraph? Wilson was the founding director of Fermilab and was running it at the time that McDaniel was there. Wilson brought in McDaniel to troubleshoot the hardware.

Sounds good. North8000 (talk) 10:05, 14 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Added. (Racepacket)

Resolved North8000 (talk) 11:03, 15 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Sincerely, North8000 (talk) 12:03, 10 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Notes, discussion and conclusion after further review

All of the items which I brought up, including those that there only suggestions were addressed. I conducted a more thorough review and do not have any additional items. So I pass this article. As this is only my 2nd GA review, it may take me a bit to handle the details properly Nice article, and interesting article! Sincerely, North8000 (talk) 11:22, 15 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]