Talk:Box lacrosse/GA1

GA Review

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Lead

• "Box lacrosse (boxla or indoor lacrosse)" Are boxla and indoor lacrosse alternative names? I'd suggest removing the brackets and turning into prose.

 Done by Mr. Boo

• "It is a team sport played between two teams of six players." It may not be possible to change it, but this sentence uses "teams" twice. Could be worth trying to find an alternative.

 Done by Mr. Boo

• "Only Canada, Iroquois Nationals and the United States have finished in most coveted 1st, 2nd and 3rd places at ILF World Indoor Lacrosse Championships." It's kind of obvious the top three are most coveted positions. Why not say "Only ... have finished in the top three places at the ILF ..."

 Done

History

• "led area arena owners to introduce the new sport." Not sure what this means.

• Change to: "led the participating ice hockey arena owners to introduce the new sport." Does this make more sense? -Mitico

• "the Montreal Canadiens, the Montreal Maroons, the Toronto Maple Leafs, and the Cornwall Colts." Not sure you need to say "the" at all. At the most I would only use it the first time.

 Done by Mr. Boo

• "the year after Sir Donald Mann's death," Who is Donald Mann? Why is it important to mention his death?

 Done There are some the believe that the Mann Cup was only changed to box lacrosse rules after Mann's death because he opposed the box version of the game. I was attempting to allude to this, while remaining on the encyclopedic/no original research side of things. It's not that pertinent, so I'll strike it. It will also shorten this long sentence. -Mitico.

• "and in 1998 formed the current National Lacrosse League." Do you need to say "current"? See WP:DATE for more details.

 Done by Mr. Boo

• "Although 10 of the league's 13 teams are currently based in American cities, greater than two—thirds of the players are Canadian." Again you don't need currently here. It dates the sentence particularly in this case.

 Done by Mr. Boo, with further explanation below.

Players

• "On the floor, a team consists of a goalkeeper and five runners." What does "on the floor" mean? It sounds a bit like jargon. Secondly, what is a runner?

• Changed "On the floor," to "During play,"
• Explained/expanded the term "runner"

Is it clearer now? - Mitico

• "During a typical game the number of officials can range from one to three, depending on the league and level of play." Needs referencing.

 Done

Goalkeeper

• "massive upper body gear, large shin guards known as "irons", and ice hockey-style helmets." I'm not sure about the word "massive" Massive to who? What does "massive" specificly mean? It's also a tad WP:PEACOCK. I would suggest re-wording to something more specific, particularly how much it covers, how big they are or how much they weigh.

• Reworded & specific dimensions added. Too much?

• "Also, below the professional level, box lacrosse goaltenders are often seen using traditional wooden sticks." Could do with a reference.

 Done Stricken. I could not find one, outside references that say that wooden sticks are allowed in CLA leagues. I left it in, because the image showed a goaltender with a wooden stick. Since wooden sticks are allowed, and mentioned somewhere else in the article, this might be duplicate, and unnecessary. - Mitico.

• "Some say the box lacrosse position is more akin to an ice hockey goaltender than a field lacrosse goaltender." Who is "some say"?

 Done by Mr. Boo. Removed comment. The comment was related to the Philly Box Lacrosse "faq" page, but honestly didn't add much so removal is okay by me. -Mitico

Playing area

• To me it looks like "playing area", "duration", "ball in play" and "penalties" all refer to the rules of the game. Is it worth making all level three headings under one level two section?

• I have gone with your suggestion, however I put the level two "Rules" above "Players, equipment and officials." I was little concerned that having level four's would be too many, and would be a negative point in review. Let me know if you think I should change it. - Mitico.

Duration

• "If the game is tied at the end of regulation play, overtime can be played. Overtime may or may not be sudden victory, depending on the league." Could do with a reference.

 Done

International

• "Box lacrosse is also a popular version of the sport in the Czech Republic.[36] It is also played to a marginal degree Australia," Be careful about the overuse of "also".

 Done - Change to "Box lacrosse is the most popular version of the sport in the Czech..." Which is reflected in the source. - Mitico.

Quite a bit to do, but nothing individually too demanding, so I'll put it on hold. Peanut4 (talk) 21:12, 9 November 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the review and the constructive comments. There are certainly some areas of the article that can be improved and terms that should be further explained. In terms of the NLL, the word "current" is used a number of times for two reasons: (1) back in the 70's, there was a league called the National Lacrosse League, that was unrelated to the one that exists now, and (2) the number and location of teams frequently changes in the NLL -- there haven't been two consecutive seasons with exactly the same teams since the early 90's -- so when we say, for example, "the thirteen teams in the NLL", we are assuming that that number will change within a year. --MrBoo (talk, contribs) 01:30, 10 November 2008 (UTC)

Peanut, again, thanks for the review and help in improving this article. I think we have addressed all of your concerns. For the items that I feel strongly that they are resolved, I put a  Done mark underneath of them. For others in which I have comments or maybe more questions you will not see this designation. Please let me know if you have any questions. Any further comments, concerns and observations welcome. Thanks! mitico (talk) 20:49, 10 November 2008 (UTC)

All looks very good. Great work. My one final question is do you need to credit the photographer in the lead image? After all, we don't sign any text, and his copyright details are available at the image page. Peanut4 (talk) 22:46, 10 November 2008 (UTC)

I guess not. It has just always been that way so I didn't think about changing it. I have removed. Thanks, mitico (talk) 23:05, 10 November 2008 (UTC)

GA review (see here for criteria)

1. It is reasonably well written.

   a (prose): b (MoS):

2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.

   a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):

3. It is broad in its coverage.

   a (major aspects): b (focused):

4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.

   Fair representation without bias:

5. It is stable.

   No edit wars etc.:

6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.

   a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):

7. Overall:

   Pass/Fail:

Excellent work. It meets all the GA criteria.

I'm not sure what your plans are to progress the article, but my advice would be to look at some featured articles of other sports, to see if there's anything you could add; taking a quick look association football is an obvious one to look at, but also chariot racing, hare coursing, though I'm not sure what help those two will be. However it may also be worth looking at other related sports or GA sport articles for any ideas. Other than that perhaps get a peer review for any suggestions or help to turn the prose towards FA-worthy prose.

On an aside note, thanks for your own part during the GA process. You've both been a pleasure to work with. Peanut4 (talk) 23:20, 10 November 2008 (UTC)