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Talk:Bonin white-eye/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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Reviewer: Jens Lallensack (talk · contribs) 21:19, 19 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]


I'm currently travelling, I have time to read but have to see when I have time to upload the comments, so I might take a few days longer. --Jens Lallensack (talk) 21:19, 19 March 2019 (UTC)[reply]

  • Since 1995 it is known to be a white-eye in the family Zosteropidae, and is closely related to the golden white-eye of the Marianas Islands. – remove "and is" or replace with "that is" to make sentence parts fit?
  • Done
  • suggest to use the correct dashes (the long ones) for ranges (e.g., 3–4 mm) and separating sentences.
  • Done
  • It is not stated in the main text since when it was considered a member of the white eyes. This info is in the lead though.
  • Added
  • nominate – please link
  • Done
  • There are two subspecies of Bonin white-eye, the nominate, formerly found in Mukojimaand Chichijima – that means the nomimate form is extinct? Would specify for clarity.
  • Done
  • The nominate race has – use past tense if extinct
  • Done
  • the think black line – "a" "thin" black line?
  • Is it the only member of its genus? I would explicitly state this.
  • The species as once found – "was"?
  • Fixed
  • and a bird from that island were the type specimen – why past, is the type specimen lost?
  • should have been was, changed
  • and a bird from that island were the type specimen for the species. – this means a bird from the population before its extinction? Would state for clarity
Clarified on preceding sentence where that fact sits more naturally
  • Communication – suggest to name it "Vocalisations", as "communication" would encompass much more (visual, etc) which is not mentioned.
  • I think its fine but changed
  • image caption: Calophyllum inophyllum, on Haha-jima, are part of the diet of the Bonin white-eye – but which parts? Fruits of? Seeds of? And wouldn't it be better to show a native plant species anyways?
  • with vines, grasses, pine needles, rootlets, woven in, – maybe "and rootlets woven in"?
  • Done
  • 19.5–20.5 mm (0.77–0.81 in)x15–15.8 mm (0.59–0.62 in) – I don't think this works with the templates so well. Maybe write like this: "19.5–20.5 mm x 15–15.8 mm (0.77–0.81 in x 0.59–0.62 in)"
  • done
  • in the lead: two eggs. I would add "usually", otherwise it sounds as if it is fixed to this count.
  • fixed
  • Warbling white-eyes may have had some effect on the behaviour of Bonin white-eye, – "Bonin white-eyes" (plural)?
  • fixed
  • It was a big reason for the protection. Clarified.