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Talk:Boenga Roos dari Tjikembang (novel)/GA1

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Reviewer: Dwaipayanc (talk · contribs) 15:25, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • Will do the review.--Dwaipayan (talk) 15:25, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Not long afterwards Keng Djim calls Aij Tjeng and Gwat Nio to his deathbed, where he confesses that he has recently learned that Marsiti was his daughter from a native njai he had taken as a youth, and that she had recently died.". Who has died? Marsiti, or, Marsiti's mother?
  • " As he investigates, he sees Lily.". He investigates what?
    • How's this?
  • Fine.
  • "After investigating, the Sims discover that "Lily" is in fact Aij Tjeng's daughter...". Who are the Sims?
    • Sim Bian Koen's mother and father; in Chinese names like this, the family name is the first one. Changing to "Bian Koen's parents" might be clearer for Western audiences, but then it would be repetitive. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:55, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Tha's an interesting info I was not aware of. I understand stating parents again would be repetitive; but won't that be easier for a larger audience? I have no particular leaning in this issue; it's up to you.
  • "When he comes to at his home..." "to at"?
    • "come to" means 'to become aware'. I've changed the article wording to avoid the "to at" construction.
  • "...and after discovering Roosminah's background they have Roosminah take over Lily's identity.." Who is Roosminah? That name has not been used in the plot before.
  • "Born to an ethnic Chinese textile merchant and his native wife" What is native here?
    • The wife was native Indonesian, although I've yet to find out if she was Javanese or Sundanese (more likely). As there was no Indonesia at the time, having "native Indonesian wife" would be incorrect. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:51, 9 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "By the time he wrote the novel, was an active proponent of Buddhist theology". Does this need a "he" after the comma? I am not sure.
  • "he also wrote extensively on themes relating to native Indonesians and a keen social observer." The phrase after and (a keen social observer) does not match with the verb in the sentence.
    • Added "was"
  • " he also wrote extensively on themes relating to native Indonesians and a keen social observer. He also read extensively, in Dutch, English, and Malay." Repetitive sentence structures.
  • "Kwee wrote that he was inspired to write the novel after hearing his daughter singing an English version of the French song "Mimi d'Amour". He was struck by the melancholic lyrics and decided to write a "sad story or stage play" based on it. However, he did not begin the writing process until February 1927," The sentence structure of the third sentence implies as if he was inspired by the song quite a few years earlier, but the preceding sentences do not mention any specific year of that incident.
  • "Sidharta suggests the ultimate result was inspired by..." A descriptor for Sidharta? He first appears in this sentence.
  • "... as a serial in Kwee's magazine Panorama" He was editor/publisher?
    • Both, based on my readings.
  • well, gracefully doing this is difficult! First, we don't need to change this expression in the lead. Second, I am suggesting a change in the Reception section as follows: ...originally published in 1927 as a serial in Panorama, a magazine edited and published by Kwee. It was complied as a book later that year and published by the Panorama publication; this printing sold out. What say? Even if the Panorama Publication bit is not added, that the magazine was edited and published by Kwee, I feel, is important.--Dwaipayan (talk) 02:04, 10 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Although I would have had reservations agreeing with you on "Kwee's magazine" as a stand-alone expression, now that you have added the bit on the publication (...published by Panorama Publishers – also run by Kwee) in the succeeding sentence, the two sentences together makes the reading better, I feel. So, this is resolved for now.--Dwaipayan (talk) 13:27, 10 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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