Talk:Black and White (picture book)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 07:33, 15 August 2019 (UTC)

Comments

• "postmodern picture book " this is a WP:SEAOFBLUE.

I removed link to picture book. Barkeep49 (talk)

• " Released by Houghton Mifflin..." published? (especially as you repeat "release" later in the same sentence).

Dunno why I fixated on released. Changed to published. Barkeep49 (talk)

• " act different one" maybe a ENGVAR thing but I would say " act differently one", and even replace "act" with "behave".

 Done

• " of doing a book" not encyclopedic in tone, perhaps "of writing a book" or "of creating a book"?

 Done

• " of a postmodern picture book" you've already linked these two in the previous para of the lead.

So I left the link in. My understanding is that links in the LEAD should be repeated the first time in the body. If you tell me differently I'll change. Barkeep49 (talk)

You had it linked twice in the lead, that appears to be resolved now. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:07, 15 August 2019 (UTC)

• " The book is credited..." the word "book" appears three times in this one sentence....

I changed the first mention to the title. I think the other two are unavoidable. Barkeep49 (talk)

• "He worked hard to" I would remove "hard" here.

The quote that supports that is "I did everything I could to visually separate each fragment" which says to me hard work. I can switch it so it's the quote instead if you think that's better. Barkeep49 (talk)

Yes, I'd prefer the quote, or my suggestion. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:07, 15 August 2019 (UTC)

 Done

• "two page spread " I would expect "two page" to be hyphenated in this usage.

 Done

• "A photo which resembles the newspaper hat worn by several different characters in Black and White." odd caption. I would say something more like "A newspaper hat similar to that worn by several different characters in Black and White"?

 Done

• " at 7 in the morning and returning home in the evening at 7"-> "at 7 a.m. and returning home at 7 p.m."

 Done

• " leading examples of a postmodern picture book" again, first comment applies here. And considered ?

Left per my comment above, noted who the sources are saying consider it. Barkeep49 (talk)

• "t is about holsteins while" capital H for Holsteins.

 Done

• "Author Macaulay in 2012." fragment, no period required.

 Done

• "in the Los Angeles Times.[17] " newspaper titles in italics.

 Done

• " Macaulay spoke of " no need to repeat name so quickly.

Except that we have a quote by a different person in between these two so we do need to make clear who's speaking. From a good writing standpoint I did tweak the phrasing of the first spoke of to described. Barkeep49 (talk)

Fair enough. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:07, 15 August 2019 (UTC)

• "His speech was then delivered ..." active voice: "He then delivered his speech..."

 Done

• Avoid SHOUTING in the ref titles.

Think I caught them all. Barkeep49 (talk)

• Fix the redirect in the McCauley template.

 Done

• (Could fix Cathedral link too while you're at it!)

 Done

That's it for me. It's a nice piece of work and probably already technically meets the GA criteria, but these comments might just polish it up a little further. I'll put the nomination on hold for now. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 08:57, 15 August 2019 (UTC)

Thanks The Rambling Man for your review and thoughts. Fixed most stuff with just a couple follow-up comments/questions from me. Best, Barkeep49 (talk) 17:45, 15 August 2019 (UTC)

No worries, a couple of responses. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:07, 15 August 2019 (UTC)

Think it was just the one issue which I've now hopefully addressed. Best, Barkeep49 (talk) 20:37, 15 August 2019 (UTC)

All good, happy with the changes and very happy with the article overall. Good work. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 05:57, 16 August 2019 (UTC)