Talk:Black Prince's chevauchée of 1355/GA1
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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 20:28, 11 July 2019 (UTC)
- I'll get to this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 20:28, 11 July 2019 (UTC)
- Images appropriately licensed
- No DABs, external links OK
- The campaign was a part of the Hundred Years' War. Maybe incorporate this at the end of the first sentence?
- Done.
- an eleven month siege, three week break and English held towns All need hyphens
- Done.
- John II of France (r. 1350–1364), attempted to strongly garrison his northern towns and fortifications against the expected descent by Edward III, at the same time as assembling a large field army Perhaps "John II of France (r. 1350–1364) attempted to strongly garrison his northern towns and fortifications against the expected descent by Edward III while also assembling a large field army at the same time, but..."?
- If I were reviewing your suggestion for another editor's nom I would be inclined to write something like 'one of "while also" or "at the same time" is redundant'. I am not sure what you are trying to amend or correct, but is there another way of doing it? (I could insert 'while' after "Edward III," if that would help.)
- Something about this sentence struck me as awkward. My reformulation deliberately included the redundancy to emphasize the concurrent nature of these actions. Rereading your sentence again, I think my objection comes down to "as" in the last clause. Give it a try without that and see how it reads to you; no action required, of course.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:12, 17 July 2019 (UTC)
- You are right, it reads better without the "as". I am not sure why I couldn't see that. "as" removed. Thank you.
- Something about this sentence struck me as awkward. My reformulation deliberately included the redundancy to emphasize the concurrent nature of these actions. Rereading your sentence again, I think my objection comes down to "as" in the last clause. Give it a try without that and see how it reads to you; no action required, of course.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:12, 17 July 2019 (UTC)
- If I were reviewing your suggestion for another editor's nom I would be inclined to write something like 'one of "while also" or "at the same time" is redundant'. I am not sure what you are trying to amend or correct, but is there another way of doing it? (I could insert 'while' after "Edward III," if that would help.)
- great chevauchée, a large scale mounted raid Duplicates part of the first sentence of the lede
- Correct. I think that am missing something. (I have removed "great" from the main article as being unnecessary.)
- Is your reply missing a word? Why do you want to define chevauchée again, here? I don't think that this is a long enough article that readers will have already forgotten it from the lede.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:12, 17 July 2019 (UTC)
- Me neither. I have no problem with taking it out, but if I don't redefine it, won't I be picked up for giving information in the lead which is not in the article?
- I don't think that that applies to a simple definition, but you can always test your supposition ;-) Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 19:02, 17 July 2019 (UTC)
- Me neither. I have no problem with taking it out, but if I don't redefine it, won't I be picked up for giving information in the lead which is not in the article?
- Is your reply missing a word? Why do you want to define chevauchée again, here? I don't think that this is a long enough article that readers will have already forgotten it from the lede.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 13:12, 17 July 2019 (UTC)
- Correct. I think that am missing something. (I have removed "great" from the main article as being unnecessary.)
- It was hoped to turn back passive voice
- Oops. Now more active.
- Short and sweet.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 00:54, 17 July 2019 (UTC)
Hi Sturmvogel 66, many thanks for that. Your points above addressed, albeit in a couple of cases only with queries. Gog the Mild (talk) 10:15, 17 July 2019 (UTC)
- Sturmvogel 66 And one query left. Gog the Mild (talk) 18:22, 17 July 2019 (UTC)