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GA Review

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Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:Bitches brauchen Rap/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Sebbirrrr (talk · contribs) 07:27, 1 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]


Hi there. I'll be reviewing this article as part of the current backlog drive.

Infobox and lead

[edit]
  • Add alt text for the cover art
  • Ghana Beats should go after Geenaro
  • "also referred to as simply BBR" → "also abbreviated as BBR"
  • "a delay of the record's original release date" → "a delay of the record"
  • "old-school rap* → link all three words to Old-school hip hop
  • "Commercially, the album was successful, reaching..." → "The album was commercially successful, reaching..."
  • "on the German singles chart; "Ich darf das" was certified gold by the country's Bundesverband Musikindustrie (BVMI)." → "on the German singles chart, while "Ich darf das" was certified gold by the Bundesverband Musikindustrie (BVMI)."

Background and creation

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  • "which among others" → what does this refer to?
Wasn't needed to begin with
  • "became the first number-one by a German female rapper on the German albums chart" → "became the first album by a German female rapper to top the German albums chart"
  • "a circa 12-track project that was intended to be the follow-up to Supersize" → "a project that included around 12 tracks which was intended to be the follow-up to Supersize"
  • "already been released[6])," → move the ref after the comma
  • "began work" → "began working"
  • "and Bozza, Geenaro, Shindy and Kitty Kat also contributed on selected tracks." → "while Bozza, Geenaro, Shindy and Kitty Kat also contributed on selected tracks."
  • "developing ideas and demos which she then brought" → for clarification purposes, what ideas did she bring to the studio?
Just general ones like ideas for a melody, for a line etc. I think this is clear to the reader.
  • "(pictured in 2013)" → for consistency, I recommend removing the year as it's the only image which has the year included
  • "one of the main collaborators" → "was one of the main collaborators"

Title and release

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  • The refs don't show the release date for the box sets
  • The lower amount of money should come first
  • "and CD of the album; one box" → start a new sentence instead of using a comma splice
  • "German singles chart.[11][25][26][27]" → spread the references throughout the sentences per WP:CITEKILL
  • "and described as" → is this about the cover or David?
About the way she looks on the cover; reworded in hopes that it sounds better now.

Music and lyrics

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  • "old-school rap* → link all three words to Old-school hip hop
  • "as well as touches on politics" → "as well as politics"
  • "and pun usage.[4][5][14][34]" → WP:CITEKILL
  • "her real name" → "her full name"
  • "as a Barbie doll" → "as a Barbie (logo pictured) doll"

Songs

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  • Link the singles to their German wikipedia pages for consistency
  • "in the society" → "in society"
  • "listlessness" could be replaced with a more common word
Could you name one?
@Cartoon network freak: does indifference sound good to you?
  • "with David's sister Patricia" → you've already mentioned her sister's name so it doesn't seem worth mentioning anymore
  • "Leier Mirco" → "Mirco Leier"
  • "including to reject several feature offers" → "such as rejecting several feature offers"
  • "allegedly received" ref 37 claims that David confirmed receiving them
Fair enough. I reworded.
  • "The song features Shindy" → link Shindy
  • "for David; observers regard it" → "for David, with observers regarding it"
  • "and the song was inspired" → "which was inspired"
Not doing this because this could be misleading to the reader; not her singing but the song was inspired by that thing.
@Cartoon network freak: it reads a bit awkward, if "David predominantly sings on" isn't relevant I suggest removing it instead
  • "featuring Kitty Kat" → link Kitty Kat
  • "as part of the group Aggro Berlin" → Aggro Berlin is a record label though
It is both the label and the group (even though the article isn't that cleaned up, I have to admit).
  • "her male physical education teacher.[2][8][14][31]" → de-link physican education and WP:CITEKILL
  • "and the feud with Shindy.[2][5][28][45]" → WP:CITEKILL

Critical reception

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  • Since this article uses British English, "criticize" and its derivations should be spelled as "criticise"
  • "as well as hailed it" → "further hailing it"
  • "a place for female artists.[2][4][5][8][30][46]" → WP:CITEKILL
  • "as well as commended" → "also commending"
  • "Schmid critiqued" → "Schmid was critical"
  • Is the album's name Das schwarze Album (The Black Album), or is "The Black Album" the English translation?
The first option.
  • "was not fitting" → "did not fit"
  • "all the genres it explored" → is "it" the album or the voice?
The album.
  • Add a period instead of a comma splice after "explored" to start a new sentence

Singles and commercial performance

[edit]
  • Add a period instead of a comma splice after "December 2020" to start a new sentence
  • The ref for the Swiss positions doesn't show that the singles peaked within the top 20
Fixed.
  • "the premiere of the album" → "the album's premiere"
  • "On the weekend" → "In the weekend"
  • "amassed 11.4 million streams (over 110 million if combined with all the previously released singles)" → "amassed 11.4 million streams (over 110 million if combined with all the previously released singles) on Spotify"
  • "album worldwide on Spotify" → "album worldwide on the platform"
  • "industry professionals had previously opined" → the source does not state that industry professionals opined this though
Fixed.
  • "David also charted at numbers three and four" → "The album also charted at numbers three and four"

Track listing

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  • The wiki link on Laas Unltd. doesn't work

Charts

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Release history

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  • The refs don't show the release date for the box sets

References

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  • Copyvio score at 4.8%
  • Refs 2 and 46 should use the paramaters author1 and author2
  • Refs 4 and 34 should be tagged with url-access=subscription
  • For refs 7, 10, 52 and 63, YouTube should be listed under the via parameter
  • For ref 36, change 20 minutes (Switzerland) to 20 minutes

Outcome

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@Sebbirrrr: Thank you so much for your review! Cartoon network freak (talk) 19:57, 1 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]
@Sebbirrrr:  Done Cartoon network freak (talk) 20:47, 1 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]
@Cartoon network freak thanks! Everything is good now so I'm  passing Sebbirrrr (talk) 20:55, 1 June 2022 (UTC)[reply]