Talk:Bill Masterton/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman 03:57, 11 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Will review shortly. Secret ^account 05:55, 25 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Tragic figure, will give this one as detailed of a review as I can.

Nothing on his early life at all? Bit abrupt starting his biography with "A native of Winnipeg, Manitoba, Masterton played two seasons of junior hockey with the St. Boniface Canadiens in the Manitoba Junior Hockey League (MJHL)."
- I'm trying to find something to create at least a small early life section, but I think a problem here is that his death is such an overbearing aspect of his biographies (as it should be), that his early life is getting lost somewhat. For instance, in the six-page bio of him in Hockey's Greatest Tragedies, all that is stated of his early life is "William Masterton was born on 13 August 1938 in Winnipeg, Manitoba. A very good hockey player, and a very good student, in 1958 Masterton began attending the University of Denver on a hockey scholarship." In this article, I've really left his non-hockey life intertwined with his hockey, since his playing and working career were so intertwined. Any suggestions on a better way to begin the article? Reso lute 02:41, 27 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

He averaged a goal per game and finished with 49 points in 22 games in 1955–56 as the Canadiens won the Turnbull Cup as MJHL champions. "as MJHL champions" is redundant, as the wikilink to the Turnbull Cup (which redirect to the league page anyways) explains the subject. Either remove that wikilink, or remove the last three words.
- Done.

Will keep on in the morning... Secret ^account 06:05, 25 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I await further comments! Thanks, Reso lute 02:41, 27 February 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Still doing this one Secret? Wizardman 15:20, 30 March 2013 (UTC)[reply]

If after the weekend there's no response I'll take over the review. Wizardman 14:56, 5 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Sounds good, appreciated! I know Secret has been having computer problems, so they may have other priorities when interacting with technology right now. Reso lute 15:47, 5 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Here are the issues I found:

"about the merits of wearing helmets as few NHL players did so in that time." should be a comma after helmets
"Masterton attempted to achieve his dream of playing in the NHL." not really sure if that's necessary as worded
" named its most valuable player award after him" should most valuable player be capitalized? Since it's noting general I could be wrong here, but double-check.

A good, if tragic, article. Just make the fixes and I'll pass it. Wizardman 03:57, 11 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Done, thanks! I added the comma and corrected my awkward wording on the second suggestion. I left "most valuable player" alone, as I am not referring to the award by a proper name. Thanks again, Reso lute 04:08, 11 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good, article now passes. Wizardman 15:08, 11 April 2013 (UTC)[reply]