Talk:Beyoncé (album)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Petergriffin9901 (talk · contribs) 22:17, 12 July 2014 (UTC)

@Petergriffin9901: Hello, thank you for taking this on so quickly. When will it begin? —JennKR | ☎ 12:55, 13 July 2014 (UTC)

Hey Jenn. No problem, the topic interests me :). I already started the review on a document file so I should be posting the first half later today. Cheers.--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 18:59, 14 July 2014 (UTC)

@Petergriffin9901: Any update on this, Peter? —JennKR | ☎ 23:33, 23 July 2014 (UTC)

@JennKR: I truly apologize for the delay in the review Jenn. My laptop broke and I was left without any real means of internet or computer access over the last week and a half. I know you put a lot of work into it and were eager to get it under way, so again, I apologize.--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 06:12, 24 July 2014 (UTC)

Oh that's fine! I assumed that something was up as you hadn't edited in a while. Thank you for this great close prose review also, I'm implementing them slowly! —JennKR | ☎ 12:06, 24 July 2014 (UTC)

Of course :) This is really a standout article and I definitely am confident this can be a FA soon after. I feel it would only be fair to really be as thorough as possible as to not cheat this truly comprehensive and well-written article. Again, awesome work!--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 23:23, 28 July 2014 (UTC)

Lead

• Described as a visual album -> I think it would be best to be specific as to whether she described it as such or critics did (or both).

• Not Done: it's both but I don't think adding this would aid understanding.

• to illustrate the stories that were conceived during its composition -> Well said, however, it comes across as if you're saying the events described in the songs happened simultaneously to their composition. Additionally, while several of the songs do "tell" a story, some are just for the sake of experimenting with hyper-sexuality (i.e just for the sake of a song, not necessarily bringing the listener in for a personal experience).

• Done: modified "stories" → "concepts".

• and much darker than previous recordings -> Maybe her previous material?
• fear, loss -> A bit vague. What kind of loss, fear?

• Not Done: the source doesn't specify, any further addition would entrench on WP:OR.

• I don't see anywhere in the article where it discusses loss or fear. Kindly point it out (as well as the sources).--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 11:56, 24 July 2014 (UTC)

• My bad! This has been removed from the article. I'll correct.

• Now Done.

• where songwriters and producers were gathered in an unconventional setting where they lived and worked with Beyoncé for a month -> I understand what you're implying, but it reads a bit awkwardly. Not really an unconventional setting' per se, more so method

• Done: → circumstances.

• Hm. How would you feel about method? I think this works best. 'Method' is the 'way' of gathering them, which was unconventional. 'Circumstances' is more-so a certain time/place, not as much coverage in its meaning if you get me.

• But it's not the method that is unconventional, its the circumstance of them living and working together. I'm not sure if it would read better as method.

• Especially with the album also being titled Beyonce, I think it would be best to substitute her name for the singer, she etc. Reads a tad repetitively

• Done: changed.

• Beyoncé resumed recording -> We never really indicated she had already started recording, only working with songwriters and producers

• Done: changed.

• Comment: just to add "resumed recording" is still there, but it is now indicated recording was started for it then to resume.

• continually shifted the album's deadline as she began favoring an unexpected release -> A bit awkward. There isn't really any correlation in regards to her changing the release date and it being an unexpected release as it was never, at any point, public knowledge. Also, I'm not sure shifted is the best word to describe it.

• Done: → "avoided discussing the status of the project"

• Beyoncé was drawn to the experimental production of unknown producer Boots -> Drawn to the experimental production? Also, I think relatively unknown would be more appropriate.

• Done: modified.

• who composed most of the album. Their collaboration created Beyoncé's alternative R&B sound -> Comes off a bit redundant

• Done: modified.

• and emotive vocals. -> Being a bit picky with this one, but it's a bit hm, how shall I say, vague/fan-ish/not well connected with the rest.

• Done: modified.

• hysterical response -> A bit NPOV. Maybe best to use a quote? As put by "", the album caused "mass hysteria" etc. See my point?

• Not Done: Aren't quotes best avoided in the lead? I think mass hysteria is probably worse.

• number one, -> album

• Comment: what is this referring to?

• worldwide, worldwide -> Maybe use globally

Background

• as she desired to show women that they need not abandon their careers. -> Maybe "set an example". Also, women isn't really appropriate.

Mothers is correct, or expectant women. Maybe halt instead of abandon. Reads a bit feminist/martyr-ish

• Done: modified.

• where she mostly cared for Blue Ivy, but also began recording her next project -> She began recording? We haven't yet discussed any mapping of the project or discussion of any new material. Additionally, I think "cared for her daughter is a bit unnecessary.

• Not Done: it's difficult to offer background to the album without mentioning recording. It followed a strange process of initial recording → release of "Bow Down" → resumed recording (where most of the recording occurs). Therefore, to give background on most of the album, mentioning the initial recording is unavoidable. Its not the best narrative, but the strange, sporadic process of this album makes it that way.

• although this did not materialize. -> Has to be something already available or set for debut in order to materialize or not so. They were just rumors that weren't true.

• Done: modified.

• The Timbaland-produced second-half "I Been On" uses -> I believe some punctuation is in order

• Done: commas inserted.

• uses a pitched-down vocal as a homage to the Houston hip hop scene -> I feel a tad more explanation is required. What's the correlation in between electronically altered vocals/pitch have to do with hip-hop use/originating in Houston?

• Done: this is difficult as the sources yield little, but I've left an explanatory note from a MTV source which discusses this technique. Is that ok?

• Michael Cragg of The Guardian described the track as "brilliantly odd", commending its loud, abrasive production of the song's first half. -> Perhaps the loud or the song's loud. Its doesn't flow into the song's first half

• Done: I must have missed this!

• Beyoncé's previous catalogue, particularly for its aggression -> I think existing catalog is more appropriate (Used in the media file as well). Also, perhaps aggressive tone/nature
• This atmosphere -> iffy

• Done → "This aggression"

• from some who questioned -> Maybe those
• where "Bow Down" appears on the track "Flawless", -> Elements of?
• "Bow Down/I Been On" was described as a significant departure from Beyoncé's existing catalogue, particularly for its aggressive nature.[8][10] This aggression, as well as -> Much better, though I think it would be best to begin the following sentence a bit differently

• Done: modified.

• described the track as "brilliantly odd", commending its loud, abrasive production of the song's first half.[8] Pitchfork's Lindsay Zoladz described -> stuck out a bit

• Done → viewed.

• as a statement of empowerment -> Female empowerment in particular?

• Done: modified.

• Beyoncé did not explain the nature of "Bow Down/I Been On", leaving confusion as to whether the song was intended as a single or demo -> Not really its nature, more-so its place in the era/project altogether. See what I mean?

• Done: yeah, I agree. It was doubtful it would make the album.

• Better, though the nature of the song still isn't appropriate. Maybe the intent behind the song's release?

• Done: yep, better suit.

Recording

• Beyoncé invited producers and songwriters she respected to accompany them -> she respected is a bit out of place/unnecessary

• Removed.

• More of the slight repetitious usage of the singer's name as previously stated

• Replaced some of the instances of her name with "she". (Used "they" for a sentence referring to Beyoncé and Boots, but if that turns it into an unclear sentence, tell me)

• "Pretty Hurts", written by Furler, -> co-written or written with

• Done.

• The project was suspended until 2013 and moved to New York City's Jungle City and Oven studios -> How does relocated sound instead of moved? Since 'moved' implies some physical type of movement

• Done: yep, better.

• Jason Gay described Beyoncé's attention to detail as "obsessive" when observing her studio, -> in the

• Not Done: I think this may entrench on WP:OR as it's only indicated he saw the studio, not her in it (especially as he focuses on the state of the studio).

• In mid-2013, a newly discovered musician called Boots, -> How does removing called sound? This implies a nickname like people call her B (it's his personally chosen/credited moniker)

• Done: deleted word.

• Boots was coy when answering questions about how Beyoncé discovered his demo or his work previous to Beyoncé, -> of his work previous

• Done: included.

• In June 2013, they met in person for the first time and he played her songs he believed would resonate with her -> Your call, but I find this sentence kind of lackluster

• Done: Hm, sort of modified.

• Beyoncé thought differently and refused to leave the song alone, -> Perhaps refused to ignore or something a bit more precise

• Done: changed.

• composed after an exasperating meeting with a potential record label. He began by composing

• Done: → written (as its a rap).

• Link "arpeggios".

• Done: linked.

• "Ghost" eventually became the first half of "Haunted" and Boots would later describe Beyoncé as the "only visionary in the room" for her ability to find potential in scraps of songs. -> How does subsequently sound instead? (Perhaps also making it the first word, followed by a comma?) Also, the connection from "Ghost" to his describing B's artistry is a bit awkward

• Done: used subsequently. Really? He makes this connection himself. I think it stems from his own self-deprecation and Beyoncé's ability to draw the best she can.

• was one of the earliest creations of Beyoncé and Boots -> Your call, but I can't help feeling they created Frankenstein Lol.

• Done: → compositions. I'm sorta self-conscious now, I wonder whether "creat/e/es/ions" has an abundance in my other writing, haha.

• When recording in New York City, -> while?/ Link interpolate

• Done: changed.

• on the television competition Star Search as a child, her resulting strength manifesting itself in the more aggressive, dominant persona in the song. -> How about "on the television competition Star Search as a child; her resulting strength manifested itself into the more aggressive, dominant persona in the song.

• Done: used semi-colon.

• A portion of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's TED talk "We Should All Be Feminists" was used on the same song as Beyoncé -> Maybe "Additionally, a portion of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's TED talk "We Should All Be Feminists" was incorporated (or sampled) into "Flawless" as Beyoncé

• Done: → "additionally", "sampled"

• musician called Boots, most known for fronting rock band Blonds, -> notable

• Done.

• Boots created the song in a "hypnotic state", -> I don't think created is the best word. Also it could mistakenly read as if he was in the hypnotic state.

• Done: adapted.

• building layers of guitars -> Maybe layers of guitar riffs/arpeggios

• Done.

• This paragraph uses his name a bit heavily

• Toned down the references to his name.

• "Bow Down" was added to a track that became "Flawless". -> Maybe incorporated

• Done.

• A portion of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's TED talk "We Should All Be Feminists" was used on the same song as Beyoncé identified with her interpretations of feminism. -> The was used on the same song loses me a bit. A bit of tightening/re-arranging would do the sentence well

• Not Done: I honestly think this sentence reads fine, unless you have an alternative suggestion?

• Looser approaches were taken when writing and recording other songs. -> How so looser than previously described?

• Done → "Organic approaches were taken when writing and recording "Drunk in Love" and "Partition"." This is evidenced in the writing.

• When working with other producers, Beyoncé would take organic approaches to the writing and recording of songs. -> A bit fodder-ish/thrown in there/not really incorporated-detailed in following sentences well.

• Done: modified.

• motivated by pure enjoyment, -> Unless a quote from her, very iffy/vague/fan-ish

• Not Done: it is a quote by her.

• How about "what she described as pure enjoyment"?

• Done: yep, that's good.

• without paper and pen -> Your call but usually it's pen and paper

• Done: it is.

• Perhaps link "beat"

• Done linked.

• inspired her to create a sexual record -> Hm, the create thing. I mean the bass-line is already there.. Perhaps inspired her to accompany it with overtly sexual lyrics/themes?

• Done: modified.

• When composing "Partition", a rap known as "Yoncé" was used as the opening of the track, and was created by Justin Timberlake banging on buckets in the studio -> Created is being abused here lol. Also, sounds like you're saying the "rap" was created by his banging on buckets. No correlation between vocal raps and making noise. Maybe his banging led to its instrumentation/style?

• Done: hahaha, I've changed this also!

• as she enjoyed their imperfections. -> Maybe "she felt their imperfections fit more appropriately" or something of the sort

• Done

• blending the album's sounds perfectly. -> Perfectly is a bit iffy

• Done

• songs which she had previewed in 2013 on television advertisements—from Beyoncé to fit with its minimalist approach. -> Maybe "songs which had been previewed' in 2013 on television advertisements—from Beyoncé to fitin with its minimalist approach."

• Done: changed.

• Beyoncé spent less time on vocal production than she had done with previous projects, instead focusing on blending the album's sounds -> Hm. A bit vague, not so different from other projects (don't you always try to 'blend sounds'). Maybe she adopted a more raw vocal approach, and then work on the last part a bit

• Done (sort of): I haven't removed the "less time on vocal production", but I have replaced "blending sounds" with "focusing on perfecting the album's music". There is a huge difference on this album in terms of vocals versus music, the latter has taken the back seat especially on the first-half 4 and I Am... Sasha Fierce.

Composition

• with strong, emotive vocals, minimalist production and streams of consciousness. -> What are strong vocals?

• Done: deleted word.

• Beyoncé's most sonically experimental record she had created to date -> Again with created Lol. Also I think "B's most experimtal record to date reads better

• Done

• but unlike her previous releases, -> though

• I'm assuming this is to substitute "but" with though, which I did, but if it isn't tell me please.

• restrains from vocal belting and runs as to increase tension in the music. -> I'm confused as to how that achieves this?

• Comment: tension is created in the music as opposed to in her voice.

• Hm, you say she exercises her "large-spanning vocal range", yet say right after it's void of belting and mostly rapping etc. It's a bit off

• Comment: as in she uses her range (falsetto on songs like "No Angel", lower register on songs like "Haunted"), but refrains from belting

• Felt, felt. Some repetitious wording throughout

• Done: changed.

• Much like previous Beyoncé albums, -> The singer's previous albums

• Done in a slightly different way

• Beyonce, Beyonce, Beyonce

• Done (a bit)

• In its second-half, Beyoncé sing of being -> typo

• Corrected

• that creates a cold atmosphere. -> "cold atmosphere" is OR unless it's in quotations

• Not Done: paraphrase of "chilly charged atmosphere" (NME).

• A duet with her husband Jay-Z, -> A duet with husband Jay-Z,

• Done

• and a chorus sang in Beyoncé's upper register. -> sung, upper register should be linked

• Done

• sings in a high falsetto about how she, and the object of her affections, are by no means perfect. -> of how she

• Done

• The slow-jam "Rocket", -> Needs quotations

• Not Done: paraphrase of "an ultraslow tease" (The New York Times).

• harks back to the 1990s soul of D'Angelo -> I don't think it harks back his soul

• Done: → "soul sound"

• contains a sinister beat replete -> sinister beat requires quotations

• Done: modified, is "morose" a better fit?

• her full range over, -> full range over? Also, you telling us it's her "full range" is a bit OR. Perhaps "exercises her range"

• Done: changed.

• The end of "Blue" features Blue Ivy Carter talking as a toddler. -> She is a toddler

• Comment: I wrote it this way as in a few years she won't be and the thing readers will need to take away is that this song really centres around her as a child.

• bassline reminiscent of the work of Too Short and E-40.[15][29][38] Over this bassline

• Done: deleted "bassline"

• "The song is divided by a brief interlude of camera clicks and the sound of a car window, before launching into a second-half that melds synthesizer pulses with finger snaps to create a bassline reminiscent of the work of Too Short and E-40" -> Maybe this should be removed from the "Recording" section as is more-so belongs here and is a bit repetitive/redundant to list them both times

• Done → " reminiscent of hip hop music during her early romance with Jay-Z"

• From what I can recall. Didn't this article have information on one of the songs containing a sample of a plane crash or something of that nature? And possible criticism and her explanation as to why she included it? Seems like something noteworthy to include

• Not Done: Hm. This came about a month after the album's release and lasted in the American media for 24 hours so I don't see it as particularly significant, nor do I want to get into what the media said and what Beyoncé said etc. in the Composition section.

• one of several songs were Beyoncé contemplates her personal life, in-keeping with her desire to feel liberated. -> A big vague/awkward

• Done → "one of several songs were she ruminates her personal life, in-keeping with her desire to liberate all aspects of her life". Is that better? Any suggestions?

• The only issue is the "liberated all aspects of life" part. It reads awkwardly. I'm having difficulty as to how to fix it as well. Something along the lines of "in keeping with the album's motif of (...)". Any suggestions @Adabow:?

• Yeah, it's difficult. I know what I'm trying to say: for much of her career she's been reserved and too conscious of the media, but with these set of songs she's demonstrating she now feels she can express all sides of herself ("in keeping with the album's motif of self-liberation"). It's just phrasing that eloquently.

• I think the one you suggested works pretty well.

• Done: should read better now.

Visuals

• The locations of which include a -> Kind of an awkward way of starting a sentence

• Done: modified.

• meant that that the videos -> Typo

• Done: deleted word.

• The project's exclusive online release meant that that the videos could be shared through platforms such as Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr. -> How is this different than any other release? Can't this be done with all albums released via iTunes? The only difference I see is that it was void of a physical copy.

• Done: modified to tie in with Wortham's article.

• Again heavy usage of her name/album

• Done': toned down.

• Beyoncé would often connect images, childhood memories, emotions and fantasies to the songs she was creating and was subsequently motivated to shoot visuals to convey the story behind the songs she had conceived during production. -> Well said, however a bit run-on. Consider trimming a bit

• Done: very slightly modified but I don't see this as problematic.

• as she enjoyed rebelling against the perfection of her previous projects -> I think this takes away from the deft level of writing in the article

• Done reworded.

• She was particularly driven to demonstrate sexuality as a power women should have, especially after giving birth -> Hm. Power woman? Maybe should, not should have. Consider slight revisions

• Done: modified, but this may need to go further?

• The over-usage and sometimes inappropriate placement of the word create etc. is a bit noticeable

• Done: deleted where repetitious.

• Over the next three months Tourso considered -> Over the next three months,

• Done: inserted.

• Many of the videos were shot organically and the team would turn up at a location without preparation as they thrived on rebelling against the perfection of her Beyoncé's previous projects -> Needs some work

• Done: syntax changed.

• How about "Many of the videos were shot without prior preparation, in order to preserve their organic and imperfect approach (Help me out a bit here Lol. I don't think we should deviate too much from this)

• Done: → "Many of the videos were shot without prior preparation, as the singer found enjoyment in the spontaneity of the filming locations and in resisting the urge to perfect them." Any better?

• Noting the visuals' explicit content and exposure of her body, she found shooting them as liberating and was driven to demonstrate sexuality as a power women should have, especially after giving birth -> Reads a bit awkwardly. Also, what is a power woman?

• Done': syntax changed.

• You still haven't explained what a "power woman" is? Highly consider changing

• Done: It did say power women, as in "sexuality as a power women should have". I've put "that" in between.

Release

• Beyoncé discussing her intentions behind Beyoncé's unconventional release -> I believe intention is more proper

• Done: changed.

• describing it as a "major triumph" which "employ[ed] the favoured imagery of many Beyoncé fans" -> I'm not sure I quite understand what you mean to say with the latter quote snippet

• Done: removed.

Promotion/singles

• Beyoncé first performed "XO" during the remaining stops of the North American leg of The Mrs. Carter Show World Tour in December 2013. -> I think it's worth stating that this was only after the album's release? Maybe specify starting with the December 15(?) date etc.

• Done: included.

• on June 13, 2014 to hundred people along with

• Done: removed portion.

• "Drunk in Love" was also successful in international markets -> Not really necessary for NPOV/OR purposes

• Done: removed.

• for the fourth single "Pretty Hurts" was made available for streaming via Time magazine's official website to accompany Beyoncé's feature as one of the world's most influential people.[79] "Pretty Hurts" impacted US CHR -> To avoid repetition, maybe start the latter sentence with The song

• Done: modified.

Critical

• Upon its release, Beyoncé received rave reviews from music critics. -> I think "Upon release, " reads better

• Done: modified.

• Jon Pareles of The New York Times describes the tracks as "steamy and sleek, full of erotic exploits and sultry vocals; every so often, for variety, they turn vulnerable, compassionate or pro-feminist", also find them "alert to the current sound of clubs and radio, but not trapped by it" -> A bit "Quotefarmish" and awkwardly connected

• Done: rearranged to flow better.

• Sputnikmusic's Conrad Tao lauded the album as "a loaded fusion of generosity and self-empowerment. Or perhaps, more accurately, it finds self-empowerment in generosity." -> It makes sense read in his review, however, it comes off a bit awkwardly and seems to be somewhat taken out of proper context

• Done: removed review.

• Rolling Stone believed Beyoncé was strongest when it "goes for full-grown electro soul with an artsy boho edge",[30] -> I believe you're misinterpreting the quote. It reads "The vibe on Beyoncé is moodily futuristic R&B, strongest when it goes for full-grown electro soul with an artsy boho edge." It seems he says the "moodily futuristic R&B vibe is most apparent when etc., not that the album is at its peak during these moments.

• Done: removed review.

• seeing its dark production and themes as poignant. -> Consider revising.

• Done: revised.

• AllMusic's Andy Kellman viewed Beyoncé as a career highlight and "her most entertaining and sexually explicit work, yet substantive in every respect." -> Especially since taken slightly out of context, the latter part reads a bit awkwardly (not to mention you have substantive, then substantial in the following sentence).

• Done: modified.

• Spin compared the album to its predecessor, 4 (2011), saying that Beyoncé was more textured in terms of sound and content, noting Beyoncé's movement from "diva pop/R&B". It appears more-so noting their differences. The way this is written, it seems as though he's comparing their content as similar. Also, the usage of both her name and album take away from the reading

• Done: reworded with better syntax.

• Saying, said. Not the best word to describe a written review, and certainly not in repetitive, close proximity

• Done: avoided this use also.

• Jim Farber of New York Daily News said that while Beyoncé was not in her full roar, "she gives fans much more to listen to." He also stated, "the mood draws on the warmth and mystery of trance music, enveloped in an echo which recalls subdued production sounds used by Phil Collins in the early 1980s." -> A bit Quotefarmish/heavy-handed. Consider trimming/paraphrasing/revising. Collins should also be linked.

• Done: removed review (too much focus on composition).

• Bey Nick Catucci of Entertainment Weekly praised the album, finding Beyoncé indulging in "clashing impulses—between strength and escape, megapop and fresh sounds, big messages and resonant lyrics," -> The praise comes off a bit OR. You follow it with a simple excerpt of his conclusive "composition" review of the album/lyrics. Perhaps "Bey Catucci" "etc." found the singer indulging "etc.", and praised its/the album's (give us a little excerpt of his actual praise, maybe, 'her best', 'her most effortless listen')

• Done: changed as suggested.

• Finding, found

• Done: I've picked up on this and weeded it out.

• Los Angeles Times stipulated that "what's exciting about the record, beyond its means of delivery, is how the music similarly blends the intimate and the extravagant",[37] In a less enthusiastic review, -> Perhaps a full stop?

• Done: *facepalm* yes!

• I find this to be the article's most problematic section. Consider revising/trimming/paraphrasing and being more careful overall when conveying the author's message properly, and without any unintentional adulteration

• Done: I re-wrote it. Removed the reviews that focused on composition points and replaced with ones that give a better, more accessible understanding of the album. I agree—this section didn't get enough of my attention that the previous got.

• quality of restraint and -> Reads a bit off

• Not Done: I think this reads fine.

• "There isn't a a quality to restraint. There is a quality to production, sound, effort. Restraint can be described in terms of depth, range etc. See my point?

• Done Here "quality" means "aspect" but I've removed this part anyway.

• Pitchfork Media writer Carrie Battan describes the album as "brassy but elegant, its post-coital breath smelling faintly of cheap liquor sipped from a crystal flute". -> Seems to connect a bit awkwardly

• Done: removed.

• to date, exploring sounds and ideas at the grittier margins of popular music".[31] Spin's Anupa Mistry felt it was Beyoncé's best album to date

• Done: removed.

• Mof Gimmers who reviewed the album for The Quietus was fond of the confidence displayed on Beyoncé. He called it "a bold, expansive body of work that should have all the praise heaped on it because, without warning, she dropped one of the strongest albums of the year on us." -> Consider trimming. Focus on "Strongest album of the year". The rest is a bit redundant

• Done: trimmed.

• PopMatters' David Amidon praised the album's honesty, despite its highly sexual nature. -> Perhaps "noted the album's honest, albeit highly sexual nature"

• Done: changed.

• He also observed it was "her first attempt at bridging an audience, making music that makes the men want to hear what she has to say and the women feel like they can say it to men as well" -> Your call, but I feel you would be able to paraphrase this into a trimmer, more precise sub-review

• Not Done: I'm going to leave this, I had a go at revising and it just got wordier.

• Definitely better. I still feel you can do a bit more for this section. It's holding the article's quality back a bit.

Accolades

• Although Beyoncé's late release meant -> 'Late release' is a bit iffy. Late in what sense? Maybe, "Despite being released etc."

• Done: agreed.

• the album to Michael Jackson's Thriller, calling it a "tour de force", "unstoppable", and suggested it is helping to reinstate ideas of "the album as an event. The album as a grand, career-defining statement." -> Repetitious, weakly grafted quotes. "And suggested it is helping" reads awkwardly, in part due to the changing tense

• Done: adjusted.

• The album has been described as the most sexually explicit since Madonna's 1992 album Erotica -> The album, the album. Perhaps just "since Madonna's Erotica (1992).

• Done: agreed.

• and Best Album of the Year at the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards -> Album of the Year

• Done: agreed.

• In his accompanying essay for The Barnes & Noble Review, Christgau remarked that the sex depicted on the album is "the raunchiest and most convincing I can recall on record, and married sex at that", while the density and "juicy physicality" of the songs suggest "ideals of interactive performance absent from both Yeezus's feckless abandon and the regal self-possession that stiffens Beyoncé's supposedly more serious songs." -> A lot going on here. Starts off well, starts lagging into a run-on tangent

• Done: changed the syntax for flow.

• Better, however the whole "ideals of interactive performance absent from both Yeezus's feckless abandon and the regal self-possession that stiffens Beyoncé's supposedly more serious songs" is just very confusing and seemingly out of place. I don't see a reason, for example, to have any random mention of West's album

• Done: omitted.

Commercial

• During its first day of release in the United States, Beyoncé sold 80,000 digital copies in its first three hours[105] and a total of 430,000 digital copies within 24 hours. -> First, first, digital copies, digital copies. Somewhat redundant writing

• Done: adjusted.

• In New Zealand, In Australia, In the Netherlands -> Try switching it up a bit

• Done: modified.

• There seems to be a lack of consistency in regards to categorizing certifications as 'shipments or sales', as seen for ex. with the UK and Aus.

• Done: adjusted.

References

• Rap-Up is an online source, hence, it should not be italicized

• I'm not sure why people adhere to this guideline or where it came from. Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Titles#Italics says "Online magazines, newspapers, and news sites with original content should generally be italicized". Besides, Rap-Up used to be in print. Adabow (talk) 11:37, 28 July 2014 (UTC)

• Not Done: per Adabow's comment.

• It's actually 'Hits Daily Double', not 'Double Daily'. Also, why italics?

• Done: fixed.

• Consistency. Why Spelled out 'OOC' and 'ARIA' yet not for 'SNEP' & 'IRMA' etc.?

• Done: fixed.

• Also, consistency with Capitalization of A'ustralian.Hung Medien & dutchcharts. Hung Medien

• Done: fixed.

• In general, the last 30 or so references can use a bit of tidying

• Done: tidied.

• Really impressive job Jenn. I'm happy to pass the article now. Good stuff. Cheers!--PeterGriffin • Talk2Me 02:36, 2 August 2014 (UTC)