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Talk:Ben Gascoigne/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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Reviewer: Xtzou (Talk) 18:57, 8 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This is a wonderful little article. I have only a few comments.

  • Per WP:LEAD, the lead could use a touch more info.
Early life
  • "It would not however be for another decade, and in a different country, that they would marry." This is more of a "literary" sentence than an encyclopedic one. I understood what you meant after I read down farther. But it appears to be written more for effect than to convey information.
  • changed.
  • "Gascoigne's heart had been set on studying mathematics at Cambridge." - likewise, is this encyclopedic. Maybe, but seems more literary.
  • rewrote and quoted to make clear it was his own turn of phrase (though i had originally paraphrased it for grammatical reasons). See what you htink.
War service 1940–1945
  • "The Solar Observatory staff had some similar responsibilities to what Gascoigne had been doing in New Zealand:" - seems clumsy. Suggest: "some similar responsibilities to those he had in New Zealand"?
  • agree. altered.
Mount Stromlo and the Anglo-Australian Telescope
  • "Granted none months of telescope observing time" - nine?
  • oops, yes!

Very nice! Xtzou (Talk) 18:57, 8 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. Will revise the lead hopefully tomorrow. hamiltonstone (talk) 12:08, 9 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Xtzou, i've done what you suggested, but over the weekend i (unexpectedly) got several books that related to Gascoigne's work. I ended up significantly expanding the central section. Would you do me the favour of giving it a read through again? hamiltonstone (talk) 05:59, 10 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Further comments
  • " Gascoigne was made a member of the technical committee advising on its design and construction - changed to Gascoigne became a member, as in the next sentence he "was made" something.
  • thanks, better.
  • "He topped his physics classes through university" - is this an Australian term for He topped his physics classes at the university?
  • It meant he was at the top of the class each year. It now reads "He came at the top of his physics classes throughout university,..." Is that any better?
  • "Gascoigne said he had "set my heart" on studying mathematics at Cambridge." - sounds strange. Maybe better to reword it to something like " Although Gascoigne was determined to study mathematics at Cambridge, a different opportunity arose that was to shape his career significantly.
  • OK, changed it to: "Although Gascoigne had been determined to study mathematics at Cambridge, a different opportunity arose that was to significantly shape his career."

Xtzou (Talk) 15:42, 10 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

  1. Is it reasonably well written?
    A. Prose quality: Clearly written; grammatically correct
    B. MoS compliance: Complies with basic MoS
  2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
    A. References to sources: Reliable sources
    B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary: Well referenced
    C. No original research:
  3. Is it broad in its coverage?
    A. Major aspects: Sets the context
    B. Focused: Remains focused on the subject
  4. Is it neutral?
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. Is it stable?
    No edit wars, etc:
  6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
    A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
    B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
  7. Overall:
    Pass or Fail: Pass!

Congratulations! Xtzou (Talk) 22:28, 10 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]