Talk:Beauty Pageant (Parks and Recreation)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Peregrine Fisher (talk) 16:19, 15 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'll look more closely in the next day or so, but I'll start by looking at the refs.

The two Star Ledger refs are formatted differently. Make sure all the refs are consistent, although they're very close already.

I think I've fixed this, but let me know if I didn't. :) — Hun ter Ka hn 23:37, 15 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

How do you know the twitter post is really an official one? - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 16:25, 15 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

It's linked on the official page. If you go to [1] and click on Community, there is an option for Official Twitter Feed, which leads to that Twitter account. Even so, I know it's a bit unusual to use a "tweet" as a source, so if it's still problematic let me know. — Hun ter Ka hn 23:37, 15 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The "Cultural references" section is choppy. A summarizing lead sentence might help that, or do the best you can. I know those sections are hard to tie together. More soon. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 16:29, 15 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I took a shot at this. Let me know if it needs further improvement. — Hun ter Ka hn 23:37, 15 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
- That's better. The Indian U sentence is a bit jarring, though. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 23:54, 15 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  - I tried to reword that sentence. — Hun ter Ka hn 04:25, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Maybe just "Nielsen" instead of "Nielsen ratings"

Unless you strongly object, I'd rather keep it "Nielsen ratings", which is not only consistent with other P&R articles, but also just makes more sense to me... — Hun ter Ka hn 04:25, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"spying on her from the pit" - You might wikilink, explain or drop this, because readers may not know what the pit is.

I don't really have anything to wikilink, so I reworded it a bit to be more clear to readers unfamiliar with it. — Hun ter Ka hn 04:25, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I added "At the beginning of the episode" to the start of the "Plot" section. Can add something similar at the end. Maybe "The episode concludes with..."

Done. — Hun ter Ka hn 04:25, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Otherwise, Plot looks good. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 00:03, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The Nielsen thing isn't correct grammar. If it was Nielsen Ratings, that would be different. Looking at Google News, it's either "According to Nielsen..." or "According to Nielsen Media Research...". You might wan't to change the other articles. If this hasn't convinced you, you can leave it.

I changed it to "Nielsen Media Research". If you prefer just "Nielsen", feel free to switch it. — Hun ter Ka hn 05:42, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

There is probably a rule against linking http://www.misspawnee.com in the body (WP:EL). I don't really agree with those rules, so do what you think is best.

I say damn the man and let's leave it! lol — Hun ter Ka hn 05:42, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"who tells her to act very differently than April's usual behavior." - The "very" sounds like OR, unless it's in the ref.

Dropped the very. — Hun ter Ka hn 05:42, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"and Sanderson talks about his insecurities that Leslie might be too smart for him." -> "and Sanderson talks about his insecurities including that Leslie might be too smart for him."

Done. — Hun ter Ka hn 05:42, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Tom expresses anger the swimsuit competition" -> "anger that"

Done. — Hun ter Ka hn 05:42, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Production looks pretty good otherwise. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 04:42, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"He gave it an A— grade" - It seems like a too long dash. Or maybe it's my browser.

Fixed. — Hun ter Ka hn 18:45, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Reception looks good.

Can you find a better image? Maybe of Trish and Susan? It would allow for a better caption, and would meet the NFCC better. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 16:47, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Well, the problem is only the five most recent P&R episodes are available to be seen on the NBC site anymore, so I can't get access to it to take another screenshot. I suppose I could buy in on iTunes and take a shot there. I'd obviously rather not do this if I don't have to, but if it's a deal-breaker for the GAN review, I will... — Hun ter Ka hn 18:45, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

And the twitter thing is a little funky. Why don't you note that it's twitter in the body and in the ref, so that readers can judge its reliability for themselves. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 17:39, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

OK. — Hun ter Ka hn 18:45, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'm passing it. Don't worry about buying something just for an image. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) 19:29, 16 February 2010 (UTC)[reply]