Talk:Beat of My Drum/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: AJona1992 (talk · contribs) 01:09, 27 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from AJona1992

The article looks a little bit better from the first nomination but the prose is still very bad in some places:
According to this report, there is one WP:DABLINK. Please fix.
According to this report, there is one WP:DEADLINK. Please fix.
File:BeatOfMyDrum.jpg, Amazon is not a reliable source please replace with iTunes or other music chains
Infobox: "Release" needs a {{start date}} template
Infobox: "Length" needs a {{duration}} template
From the lead "It was released on 3 June 2011, via Polydor Records, as the first single from Roberts's debut solo album, Cinderella's Eyes." ----> "It was released on 3 June 2011, by Polydor Records, as the lead single from Roberts's debut solo album, Cinderella's Eyes (2011)."
There are too many sentences that start with "The song" - needs a variety
Why is British linked to the UK? There is an article about it British English
"Written to be British and fun, Roberts intended the song to be one to which people can sing and dance." - missing a word at the end "to".
Roberts's days in the band Girls Aloud --> Roberts' days in the band Girls Aloud
which went onto receive controversy in the media. - I get what you are trying to say but this read very lousy
And what is this supposed to tell readers "gathered acclaim from critics"?
Why are countries wikilinked? Per WP:COMMONWORDs
"it charted"? You mean "it peaked"?
"A music video" - this needs a better introduction about the music video see Amor Prohibido (song) and 1+1 (song)
A music video featuring Roberts performing in a hall with dancers was released. - this provides little to no information about the concept and central theme of the music video itself. Look at the ones mentioned above for a better way of presenting the video
I see too many prose problems with this article such as "Before starting her solo career, Roberts was one fifth of the girl band Girls Aloud", does not make any sense at all. Who are the "Girls Aloud"? Per provide context to the uninformed reader.
"she received negative attention" - you mean "negative criticism"?
"While talking of "Beat of My Drum"" - to who? Per WP:WEASEL
Why is dancehall wikilinked twice?
"The vocals are performed against sirens, and, lyrically," you don't need the coma after "and" and "lyrically"
File:Nicola Roberts - Beat of My Drum.ogg fails WP:NFCC. The caption reads "A 18 second sample of the song's chorus, which samples "Pon de Floor" by Major Lazer." - (1) why do we first learn it here? (2) this does not justify that the WP:SAMPLE should be used for this article because it does not give any value or information that a reader can't identify. Also the sample needs a "further rational" see File:Amor Prohibido.ogg.
Why is Madonna wikilinked twice?
Why is Billboard with a cite web? It's supposed to be formatted with Template:Cite journal
FN#16 and FN#17 have made up titles. Please use the right title for these references.
FN#25, FN#26 and FN#28 work? (iTunes Store)
Ok, I'm going to stop here. What I suggest is getting this copy-edited by a GOCE member and then getting a review before you make another nomination. Sorry but I have to fail, Jona yo! ^{Selena 4 ever} 01:09, 27 December 2011 (UTC)[reply]

AJona1992, with respect, you've given some rather poor advice here. For instance-

"Written to be British and fun, Roberts intended the song to be one to which people can sing and dance." - missing a word at the end "to". to which people can sing and dance to? No... While it is not always wrong to end a sentence with a preposition, we certainly don't need to have one in the sentence and at the end.
Roberts's days in the band Girls Aloud --> Roberts' days in the band Girls Aloud Either is acceptable. See our article.
I see too many prose problems with this article such as "Before starting her solo career, Roberts was one fifth of the girl band Girls Aloud", does not make any sense at all. Who are the "Girls Aloud"? Per provide context to the uninformed reader. As is noted in the quote, they're a girl band

The article is nowhere near so poor as to warrant quickfailing, and certainly not so poor that it doesn't deserve a full review. Spiceitup08, I hope you are not disheartened and, still feel like nominating it again. The prose isn't perfect, but this article genuinely is getting there. J Milburn (talk) 01:01, 4 January 2012 (UTC)[reply]