Talk:Battle of Dobro Pole/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: ErrantX (talk · contribs) 17:02, 3 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

No issues

Prelude

I can't put my finger on it exactly, but I feel like this section lacks an overarching context about the War and its state - you cover 1916 onwards very well. But I suggest something as basic as explaining what WWI was, in a sentence etc.

I made a tiny intro, see if it is better.

The autumn 1915 defeat; this is a bit of a misleading link. I'd suggest rephrasing

I made an attempt at rephrasing it, see if it is better.

epistle; was it actually an epistle? Or is this just flowery language for "message"?

Done

, while also detailing; suggest "and detailed"

Done

his inability; just his? Or his country's?

Done

After examining pieces of information provided by escaped prisoners of war, the Bulgarian command determined that the enemy was preparing to engage in hostile actions"'; suggest - "The Bulgarians, using information from escaped prisoners of war, determined that Entente forces would engage in hostile actions". There are quite a few examples in the prose where it could be tightened, changed in tone and/or clarified like this.

Done

as new evidence; from the same source?

Same source.

one machine gun company, six battalions and 10 heavy howitzers,; suggest choosing one number format & sticking with it throughout

Done

, General Friedrich von Scholtz then stated; fragment, suggest that this is a new sentence
What relevance does Scholtz have to make that claim? (Field commander etc.?)

Von Scholtz was a representative of the German command on the Macedonian Front.

failed to take into account the departure of Bulgarian chief of staff Nikola Zhekov; why is this important?

The source lists this as one of the reasons, Bulgaria lost the battle, I am not sure how important it was exactly.--Catlemur (talk) 21:25, 3 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

More later *(sorry being dragged away). Please feel free to comment in-line, I will add more comments as I continue working through the article. Interesting read so far! @Catlemur:; sorry this week got extremely busy. On Sunday I will have some time to finish the review. --Errant ^(chat!) 09:58, 7 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

@Catlemur: MASSIVE apologies this took so long to get to!

Battle

a limited number of infantrymen and artillery squadrons were not able to hold their ground; are you trying to say that following desertion there was a limited number, and thus they could not hold? If so, the sentence is unclear in making that link.

I took a shot at adding more clarity.

Taking cover behind dispersed bluffs, soldiers of the Shumadia Division took over Veternik, Kamene and the western part of a nearby mountain range with considerable difficulty.; a bit of a contradictory sentence. When taking cover, it's not usual to advance.. perhaps "Using dispersed bluffs as cover"?

Done

This section lists a large number of locations, many of which are not mentioned before in the article - unfortunately as a reader I got a bit lost as to where everything was. Is it realistic to write a little more detail about the layout of the area of the battle (i/e. extending the work started in the prelude section) which puts these names in context? This may be more of a FA-level concern, but mentioning it now.

I do not think that I will be able to add more clarity by myself, perhaps someone from Vardar Macedonia can help with that.--Catlemur (talk) 22:07, 12 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Bulgaria lost approximately 40–50 percent; do you have specific casualty numbers for the Bulgarians? To help with comparison to Franco-Serb casualties?

Done

Recommend linking Hellenic on first usage

Done

Aftermath

No comment is made as to whether the battle is considered won by either side. Other than a reference to "prevailing" in the area. Is there scope to expand this into a little more detail? What advantages did the battle bring? Is there any detail on total casualties? Analysis of the winner? etc.

@ErrantX: Please see if it is any better now.--Catlemur (talk) 19:41, 14 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

The British Army; which British Army? This is the first time they are referenced in the article

The British are mentioned in the second to last paragraph of the Prelude.They fought in the Battle of Doiran (1918), during the Vardar Offensive.

I really enjoyed this article, nice work! I'll run through a source review once the prose is wrapped up. --Errant ^(chat!) 14:21, 12 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I have also made some copyedits, feel free to reverse as needed. --Errant ^(chat!) 14:22, 12 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]

All looking good. I spot checked the sources and it looks fine. Happy to pass this. If you intend to go to FA I have some (personal view) suggestions:

You put all the sources at the end of paragraphs, it might be better to seed them through the paragraph next to the relevant sentence (this is likely to get called out at any FAC)
The lead is a little short and could be expanded by perhaps 25-30%
Find some help on the layout of the area to help with understanding the battle (perhaps find someone to make a cleaner map to go next to the existing original map).

Either way, great work! --Errant ^(chat!) 10:43, 17 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]