Talk:Battle of Bréville

Copyedit feedback

Phil asked for feedback on the copyedit, so I'm putting it here.

Overall it looks great, but here are a few minor things to note.

• "After the capture of Bréville, the Germans never seriously attempted to break through the airborne division's lines again. After the attack," ... two consecutive sentences starting with the same construction and meaning sounds awkward.

• "simultaneously destroying the Merville gun battery" ... simultaneously is a very specific word, much more so than the at the same time of the original, and you've also made it apply to the entire sentence here, which it didn't before. The Orne and Caen bridges were to be seized within minutes of the gliders landing, just after midnight, but the force tasked to destroy the battery had until 5:30am to do so, thus spending several hours regrouping and marching in between. I would suggest it's better to say nothing about timing at all, but simply to list the initial objectives. (This is similar to the first bullet point in Wikipedia:Checklist; if an aspect isn't being discussed, whether causation or timing or anything else, and if the sentence is clearly understandable without it, then just don't mention it.)

• "The village could be used by the Germans as a location to build up forces. As it was almost on a direct line crossing the DZ, where the British paratroopers and gliders had landed, to Ranville at the heart of the British position and beyond to the River Orne bridge." ... this pair of sentences needed more attention than you gave them, particularly in how they relate to each other. (A sentence should make sense as an independent unit; the second of these doesn't.)

Changed wording Jim Sweeney (talk) 20:46, 3 November 2011 (UTC)

• "Two infantry companies attacked 'B' Company 9th Parachute Battalions position." ... definitely needs an apostrophe.

• "This attack was more determined and even naval gunfire support from the 6 inch (150 mm) guns of HMS Arethusa did not stop the attack and they reached the company's lines." ... sentence needs a bit of a re-write to deal with the "and...and" structure, repetition of "attack", and "they" becoming a new subject in the last few words.

• 'who informed them "his regiment had been destroyed in the fighting"' ... this needs to be made either direct speech or reported speech, not a mixture of both. --Demiurge1000 (talk) 19:24, 3 November 2011 (UTC)

All rectified Jim Sweeney (talk) 20:58, 3 November 2011 (UTC)

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