Talk:Barry Voight/GA1

Lousy introduction

The recitation of Dr. Voight's educational history does not belong in the Intro.

"After completing a five-year intensive dual-degree program at the University of Notre Dame, he became a teaching assistant there while pursuing his master's degree. He then studied at Cornell University for a year before transferring to Columbia University..."

The intro should explain immediately why Dr. Voight is noteworthy, which obviously he is.

I disagree with the selection of this as a Featured Article, based solely on the weakness of the Introduction. 2601:58B:200:3DEB:500E:CD4B:DE74:4E2B (talk) 00:12, 21 March 2018 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Mike Christie (talk · contribs) 16:05, 1 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 16:05, 1 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I~~'d suggest getting rid of the infobox -- there's really not enough information in it to make it useful. Not necessary for this review, just a suggestion.~~
~~Any reason why the link to Penn State includes "The"? That doesn't appear in the name of the linked article.~~
~~I don't think "notoriety" is the word you want in the lead; it has negative connotations that as far as I can see don't apply here.~~
~~"After his work at St. Helens attracted him international recognition": suggest "brought" instead of "attracted".~~
~~Is there a suitable link for "President's Fellow"? If not, can a short explanation be added?~~

The source provides this: "1963-1964, President's Fellow, Columbia University". The fellowship might have changed since the 1960s (it probably has), but I found a Presidential Fellowship for graduate students that covers "tuition plus an annual stipend of $35,000 for up to 4 years including 3 months of summer research" (http://gradengineering.columbia.edu/fellowships-1).

Since it's probably changed I think we should just leave it; better to be imprecise than possibly wrong. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 04:20, 2 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

~~Can we give the topic of his Ph. D.? It's a nice detail if you can find it.~~

I've looked, and haven't come up with anything. If we do manage to find it somewhere (it may be on public record at this point), I'd love to include that detail.

Fair enough. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 04:20, 2 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

~~"later becoming a regular professor of geology and geotechnical engineering in 1978": you don't need both "later" and "1978".~~
~~If there are no pictures of Voight available, how about a picture of Mount St. Helens? Or a graphic showing the bulge, if there's something like that available?~~
"During his career, Voight also taught as a guest professor at the Delft University of Technology in the Netherlands in 1972, as well as a visiting professor at the University of Toronto in 1973 and at the University of California, Santa Barbara in 1981." Technically I think this should be "as well as as a", but of course that would be ugly. Can this be rephrased to avoid the problem?
~~"professor emeritus": I think this is more usually phrased as "emeritus professor".~~
~~"Voight accepted a job offer as a consultant for the USGS": I think you can cut "offer".~~
"After Mount St. Helens, Voight also began responding to volcanic hazards from several other active volcanoes": without seeing the source I can't be sure, but did he respond directly to the hazards? It sounds odd to my ear. Was he actually responding to requests for input from other scientists or groups? Or was he getting involved on his own initiative?

The new sentence should be better, but it's still a bit clunky I think. Let me know if it needs more tweaking.

That looks good. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 04:30, 2 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

~~"hosting close to a million people on its slopes": I think "hosting" is the wrong word.~~
~~Suggest linking pyroclastic flow.~~
"In April 1989, Voight returned to Colombia to Galeras volcano by the United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs, then the United Nations Disaster Relief Organization": "by" seems wrong here -- do you mean "with funding supplied by"?
The problem is fixed but I now realize I misread the sentence -- I thought these were two separate organizations. Now I realize what the intended meaning is, I suggest you drop the current name and just use the name of the organization as it was then. If it's linked, a reader can click through and find out the current name of the organization if they want to. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 04:44, 2 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed.

~~"Voight has been awarded twice": this is a rather jargony use of "award"; can it be rephrased?~~
Glicken's comment that he was indebted to Voight seems a little bland for inclusion -- any special reason to mention it? Is Glicken sufficiently notable in his own right to make this a notable comment?

Glicken is fairly notable within the realm of debris avalanches. Not sure... your call.

I'll take your word for it, and I've struck the comment, but you might add a comment about Glicken's notability if you have a suitable source -- that would help the reader understand the relevance. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 04:44, 2 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Removed for good measure.

~~What makes wargs.com a reliable source?~~

I agree that it's hardly a reliable source, but it's nearly impossible to find a reliable source indicating Voight's relation to Angelina Jolie. Do you have any alternate suggestions, or should I just nix that piece of trivia?

It's a nice piece of trivia but I think you should cut it if you can't find a better source. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 04:44, 2 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Okay. Removed.

"Many of his colleagues cite him as among the best in his profession": how is this supported by information in the body? It seems a little stronger than the text in the body of the article can justify.

Removed.

-- Spot checks for close paraphrasing reveal no problems. I'll place this on hold. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 18:48, 1 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I'll try to get to all of these in the next day or so. ceranthor 20:26, 1 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

And these should all be finished. ceranthor 21:45, 1 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

I think I've finished the remaining comments. Let me know if anything else needs fixing. ceranthor 22:23, 2 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good. I tweaked one more thing in the lead. Passing. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:43, 3 January 2015 (UTC)[reply]