Talk:Baldur von Schirach/GA1

GA Review

Unsuccessful. asilvering (talk) 04:20, 18 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Asilvering (talk · contribs) 00:43, 3 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar):
b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section):
b (inline citations to reliable sources):
c (OR):
d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects):
b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have non-free use rationales):
b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Hi Cagliost, I see there are some citation needed tags on this article. Can you please address these? Having several outstanding maintenance tags is typically grounds for a quickfail, but I see that they were added after you nominated the article and would rather you had the opportunity to clear them up first. -- asilvering (talk) 00:43, 3 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Done. Thank you for looking at this. cagliost (talk) 10:17, 5 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Cagliost yikes, did not intend to leave this for a week. Please feel free to ping me if I appear to disappear! I'm looking at it now. -- asilvering (talk) 20:44, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Cagliost Alright, I've done a top-level review, with signatures at the end of each point for your convenience in replying. If you don't intend to ask any further questions, please let me know so I can close the review. -- asilvering (talk) 23:04, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks once again. Please close the review, maybe I'll look at improving the article in the future. cagliost (talk) 18:05, 17 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Good luck with it! -- asilvering (talk) 04:20, 18 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

MOS/style

Can the list of books be better explained? Even just full citation info in a cite book template would probably do. It's not clear at a glance why all of these are here. It may need to be retitled "publications"? -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Prose

Otto Strasser dismissively described Schirach as "a young effeminate". -- this doesn't fit with the rest of the paragraph. What's going on here? -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
"deep and raw, resonant like a cello." What's this from? A diary entry? The poem? -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
In October 1924, Hitler again visited Weimar, and visited the home of Schirach's father. -- no apparent relevance? -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Paragraph beginning Schirach was skilled at bureaucratic power struggles: these events aren't obviously linked. I assume this is a summary of ch5 of the source, but since readers of this article aren't readers of that book, we either need more to go on or less (ie, remove the less-relevant stuff). -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Paragraph beginning On 31 March 1932, Schirach married Henriette Hoffmann.: we already got some of this information in Early Life. In general I think a straight chronological order is not the right way to write biography articles, but in this case we have four entire paragraphs in this section, which appears to be chronological, before picking up at a time point already covered in a previous section. -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Under Schirach, the Hitler Youth stewarded NSDAP events, and 21 members died in 1932. -- this definitely needs more context. It doesn't need to be extensive, but there's no indication before this that Schirach was involved in anything more dangerous than a couple of duels, and now we have 21 dead. -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, in general this "Reich youth leader" section really needs a reorganization. Right now it appears to be chronological, but it's much too long for readers to clearly understand what's going on here. So far, I think the most useful paragraph is the one that begins As leader of the Hitler Youth, - I think it would be much better to give a chronological biography that hits the main points and orients the reader, then having other sections in the biography that go into more detail on, for example, his leadership of the Hitler Youth and his involvement in propaganda. -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
His opinions on art etc would be another good one. -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
There are also a lot of paragraphs that are only one or two sentences long; try to avoid these. -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Paragraph beginning An incident at the Berghof on 24 June 1943: there are several different accounts of this conversation. It would be better to use summary style than to quote one of them. -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
"Deportation of the Jews": better to reduce the quotations in here, imo. -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Paragraph beginning On 16 August 1943: unclear if this is his recollection or based on some other evidence. At any rate this is the kind of thing that is probably better contextualized in the section on his trial. -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]
"Later life" section: needs consolidation and summarization. Also, it's not clear that all of this is relevant, eg the anecdote about the ring. -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Summary

Since I think this needs a fundamental reorganization to bring it to GA standard, I'm going to fail this review. I'll leave it open for a bit to give you a chance to ask any questions. -- asilvering (talk) 23:01, 12 March 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.