Talk:Baekjeong/GA1
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GA Review
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Reviewer: 100cellsman (talk · contribs) 22:36, 27 January 2019 (UTC)
From a glance, this looks like an interesting read. I'll be happy to review it. 100cellsman (talk) 22:36, 27 January 2019 (UTC)
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Introduction
The lead doesn’t summarize the topic very well. Leads should be a brief but concise version of the article. Half of it is about their name.
“The Baekjeong in the Play” what does this image caption mean?
“On the other hand, sometimes,” Use just “sometimes”.
“it was refer to the lowest class of people and insulting title” Instead use “it was a pejorative term for the lowest class of people”
Origin/In the Goryeo period
“There is a theory that they had migrated from Tartar.” This is a vague statement. If it wasn’t by Jeong Yakyong, who made this theory? Also, change “they” to “the baekjeong”.
“seems to have been a general term…” same as above.
“Being an alien people from Tartar,” Change to “As aliens from Tartar,”
Did the people of the Buddhist Goryeo Dynasty dislike both making the willow basket and slaughtering animals or is it just the slaughtering?
“MongoHans, Manchurians, and so on.” I think this should be left out if the article says that tartar is a general term for all northern peoples.
So I’m a bit of a language nerd, but 白 means “white” or “clear”. It doesn’t necessarily mean “No” if it’s transliterated.
Change “So, “ to “Therefore,”
“the names calling them were” change to “their names were”
In the Joseon period
“ the common policies of King Sejong could not succeed because the ordinary people continued to do so and discriminated against it.” What exactly is this statement trying to say?
“On the other hand, it seems that” Omit this.
End of the Joseon Dynasty
“commoners (the lower of the yangmins), who had economically been little different from slaves, was already meaningless as the respect for the government in the 17th century as they fled from the invading Japanese and Manchurians” Again, what exactly is this statement trying to say?
Change the title “modern” to “contemporary era”
Change “When someone choose a job to deal with raw meat, they sometimes encounter severe objections.” to “These dealers sometimes encounter severe objections.”
“This is also an example of the fact that the butcher is not used as a word to disparage others.” Unreferenced statement.
Change the subtitle "Executioner" to "As executioners"
“When the baekjeong community was called upon to supply an executioner, the job was assigned to some hapless member, sometimes practically an insane person.” Again an unreferenced statement.
Change the subtitle Butcher to "As butchers"
The butcher section contains insufficient paraphrasing. The first two statements were copied and pasted from a source.
“these kinds of dirty duties” remove “dirty”.
Discrimination
“did not wear a gat(hat)” omit “(hat)” since “gat” has a link.
“they had to untie their head and wear paeraengi.” remove the external link and instead add, ”they had to untie their head and wear paeraengi, a split bamboo variant of the gat.”
“Baekjeong had to lower himself” change “himself” to “themselves”
“The extent to which they were seen as polluted people is well-illustrated in the fact” omit this statement.
“nor could they use words in their name like 仁, 義, 禮, 智(Korean: 인, 의, 예, 지).” I personally recommend linking the hanja to their respective wiktionary articles.
“their bodies were kept in separate graveyards so as not to mingle with those of the yangmin.” Again, an unreferenced statement.
Influence of religion
“a lot of influence on the Baekjeong” change to “strongly influenced the baekjong”.
“certain religions(Donghak)” change to “certain religions such as the Donghak”
Change “everyone was not equal” to “not everyone was equal”
Social Movements
“ this effort for improvement of economic conditions was soon overshadowed by an organization with broader goals” vague statement.
“At the 1931 national conference, they stirred controversy” who exactly stirred controversy?
“It appears likely…” Vague statement.
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Jhkang1517, I apologize if the issues above look discouraging, but I actually enjoyed reading the article! Once these issues have been fixed, I'll list it as a GA. 100cellsman (talk) 20:09, 31 January 2019 (UTC)
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It has been a month, and there was no response from the nominator or anyone willing to take over the nomination. I'll be failing the article for this reason. 100cellsman (talk) 19:00, 28 February 2019 (UTC)