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GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 08:14, 5 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • "heist thriller" is a WP:SEAOFBLUE, I'd delink thriller.
  • "the film transplants the heist film " film film repeat.
  • "as teen social " teenage.
  • " cast consist of " consists.
  • " Thaneth Warakulnukroh plays her" Lyn's father.
  • "earning records in several Asian countries, including China, where it earned " earning, earned, repetitive.
  • " begins helping" begins to help
  • " of "tea money" from " don't know what this is.
  • "at the university level" no need for the.
  • " the cheating business when Pat and Grace ask her to help them cheat " "the cheating business" is a little informal. And cheat is repetitive here.
  • "and honest, upright Bank would never join them. Incidentally," not really following this. And would not use incidentally either.
  • "by anxiety and gets caught" caught doing what?
  • "doesn't " avoid contractions.
  • What are GAT and PAT?
  • "she's " avoid contractions.
  • "about ​1 1⁄2 years" I would say "around 18 months" instead.
  • "Lead actress Chutimon is a fashion model making her film debut." why in present tense? "Lead actress Chutimon, a fashion model, made her film debut."
  • Indeed, the Casting section needs re-writing into past tense.
  • "a special warmth " according to whom?
  • "actors underwent acting" repetitive.
  • "to over the" to beyond the.
  • Too much use of "about" in general. It's not particularly encyclopedic in tone.
  • " scene to film was a chase scene" repetitive.
  • "which took place at the underground section of Redfern railway station, which" which which...
  • "(another challenging scene)" according to whom and in what way?
  • "a certain 1970s" you just said 1970s...
  • " work done with " remove done.
  • "hugely positive" remove hugely.
  • I don't think we should be using Facebook pages to cite things like "It passed 100 million baht—a success benchmark for Thai films—on 20 May, and by the end of its theatrical run on 14 June, had earned 112.15 million baht ($3.3 million), making it the highest-grossing Thai film of 2017."
  • "in Taiwan.[40][32] " order refs.
  • "Hong Kong[43]" put a serial comma here.
  • " released in mainland China on 13 October 2017, a rare occurrence of a Thai film securing a wide release" release release...
  • "it had earned $38.4 million (or $36.5M," probably better to just say "at least $36.5 million"
  • "Thai hits" non-encyclopedic in tone. "successful Thai films" would be more appropriate.
  • Luang Prabang film festival not notable enough for a redlink, remove it. Or link it. Or better, write a stub!
  • "Multiple remakes of the film have been announced." announce is used three times in three sentences here..
  • "Manager's " what is this? Is there an article on the Thai Wikipedia for this (and any of the other non-linked mystery stuff?)
  • " Fukuoka International Film Festival" not notable enough for Wikipedia? Probably shouldn't be included here then.
  • "Bangkok Critics Assembly Awards" likewise. Or find a Thai Wikipedia article?
  • Spaced hyphens in award titles should be spaced en-dashes.

That's it for a first pass. On hold. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 10:58, 6 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be failing this nomination on 13 April if no actions are forthcoming. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!!!!) 21:09, 7 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review. I've edited the article in response to most of the comments; The ones copied below I'd like to discuss further. --Paul_012 (talk) 08:14, 8 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • "by anxiety and gets caught" caught doing what?
    • He gets caught using a mobile phone in a toilet stall during break to text the answers back to Grace and Pat, but not before he deletes the chat history and drowns the phone. This is probably too much detail, but just mentioning that he gets caught with the phone might give the wrong impression that it exposed the entire scheme. Isn't "gets caught" enough though? I was trying to keep the plot section succinct. --Paul_012 (talk)
  • "about ​1 1⁄2 years" I would say "around 18 months" instead.
    • Wouldn't this overly imply the degree of precision? The "about ​1 1⁄2 years" comes directly from the interview. --Paul_012 (talk)
  • "a special warmth " according to whom?
    • It doesn't appear to be in that citation and I don't remember exactly where I got it, so I've removed the word and rewritten the sentence. --Paul_012 (talk)
  • Too much use of "about" in general. It's not particularly encyclopedic in tone.
    • I've tried rewording the sentences a bit, but it doesn't seem like much of an improvement. These also come from Nattawut's statements. --Paul_012 (talk)
  • I don't think we should be using Facebook pages to cite things like "It passed 100 million baht—a success benchmark for Thai films—on 20 May, and by the end of its theatrical run on 14 June, had earned 112.15 million baht ($3.3 million), making it the highest-grossing Thai film of 2017."
    • Replaced the citation for this sentence, but the weekly box office figures aren't available elsewhere. --Paul_012 (talk)
  • " Fukuoka International Film Festival" not notable enough for Wikipedia? Probably shouldn't be included here then.