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Talk:Bad (Michael Jackson song)/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

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Reviewer: Canadian Paul 16:20, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

What the heck, I'm up for another Michael Jackson song. This will be second in my queue, so I will likely get to it tomorrow. Canadian Paul 16:20, 4 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, here we go:

GA review (see here for criteria)
  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

A decent article, but the prose has a lot of issues:

  1. The "Background and inspiration" section relies too heavily on direct quotes. All things considered, I believe that the second long quote would work better paraphrased... it becomes very tedious to read.
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 16:22, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Same section: ""Bad" is a song that was recorded by Michael Jackson in 1987 for his seventh studio album of the same name. The song was written by Jackson and produced by Jackson and Quincy Jones." - Three "Jackson"s in two sentences is too much. I might suggest a rewording like: "Bad" is a song that was recorded and written by Michael Jackson in 1987 for his seventh studio album of the same name and produced in collaboration with Quincy Jones. Or something like that.
 Done. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 04:58, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Under "Composition": "The song opens with Jackson singing the lyrics, "your butt is mine, gonna tell you right."" Is this important to the article? If so, it's salience should be stated more clearly, as right now it just reads like a random factoid dropped in the middle of the paragraph.
Removed info. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 04:58, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Same section: Not something that needs changing necessarily, but just an observation for ""Bad" was viewed as a rived "Hit the Road, Jack" progression." I don't know too much about the technicalities of music, but I at least understand what most of the sentences mean on a basic level (and the terms are usually Wikilinked anyways). This one, however, I don't get. That might just be me being dull, so you don't need to "fix" anything here, but it may be something to consider.
I wikilinked "progression" to chord progression. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 16:10, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Same section: "commented on "Bad"'s lyrical content while reviewing Bad," - this is an awkward fragment, particularly if a reader isn't familiar with the different formatting for titles. Either "commented on the song/track's lyrical content..." or "while reviewing the eponymous album."
 Done. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 04:58, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Same section: Again, a little too much quoting. At the very least, the last sentence of the quote that follows the above fragment can be cut (the one about James Brown).
 Fixed, I shortened the quote from Rolling Stone about James Brown. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 04:58, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Under "Critical reception": "Some critics noted that "Bad" helped Jackson's image become more edgier during the Bad-era." - Same problem as before, made even worse by the fact that you use the song's title to begin the last sentence - three "Bad"s in a row.
 Done. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 04:58, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Same section: "Stephen Thomas Erlewine of Allmusic listed "Bad", along with two other songs from Bad," - same problem. Could be replaced with "the track" or "the album" at one of the points.
 Done. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 04:58, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Under "Chart performance": "After two weeks of charting within the top ten on the chart..." Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but given the sentence that came before it, isn't "on the chart" redundant or unnecessary in this sentence?
 Fixed. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 15:59, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Same section: Far too many sentences begin with "'Bad' verbed...", which really prevents the section from flowing. Changing up the sentence structures and using "the song", "the hit", "the track", etc. more often is necessary
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 16:05, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Same section: ""Bad" debuted within the top five, at number five," - Why not just say "'Bad' debuted at number five..."? That first part, again, seems redundant... obviously it debuted within the top five if it debuted at number five.
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 16:00, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Same section, same problem as above: ""Bad" debuted within the top ten on Austrian charts at number ten on November 1, 1987."
 Fixed Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 15:59, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Same section, later on, you have two consecutive sentences that begin with "The following week..."
 Fixed Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 15:59, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Same section: ""Bad" entered Spanish charts for the first time on April 4, 2006; the song debuted at the top position." - Really no need for a semi-colon here, as you could more fluidly replace "; the song" with just simply "and".
 Done. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 13:41, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Under "Music video": "(it is at this point that is the edited video generally begins when played on television)." - A bracketed statement should be within the same sentence as it is describing, and should not start without a capital if it is intended to be its own sentence, as it currently stands. Also the way it's placed now makes it seem like the video starts in the middle of (or maybe after) the song.
 Done. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 13:41, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Under "Cover versions": "Notable parody versions include "Weird Al" Yankovic, who had previously recorded a parody of Jackson's song "Beat It" (1982), recorded a parody of "Bad", entitling his version "Fat" in 1988 for his album Even Worse." - Take out the section between the commas and you get "Notable parody versions include "Weird Al" Yankovic recorded a parody of "Bad", entitling his version "Fat" in 1988 for his album Even Worse.", which needs fixing. So does the following sentence, for that matter.
 Done Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 13:47, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Same section: When describing the Lady Gaga video, "strong similarities" is used twice, in addition to "similar" within two sentences. Please vary up the word choice a bit here.
 Done. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 05:06, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  1. Same section: The final sentence needs fixing as well, as the consecutive "but" clauses are difficult to read.
 Done. Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 04:58, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

So there are a lot of concerns here, but since they are mostly prose related, I think that you can probably get them fixed within the span of a week. Therefore I am placing the article on hold for a period of up to that long to allow for these changes to be made. I'm always open to discussion on any of them items, so if you think I'm wrong on something leave your thoughts here and we'll discuss. I'll be checking this page at least daily, unless something comes up, so you can be sure I'll notice any comments left here. Canadian Paul 03:04, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Okay, well I still think that the sentence structures of "Chart performance" could use a bit more mixing up, but overall I believe that this qualifies as a Good Article now, and thus I will promoting it as such, so congratulations and thank you for your hard work! Canadian Paul 16:45, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, Crystal Clear x3 [talk] 16:53, 6 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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