Talk:Azati Prime/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Ruby2010 (talk · contribs) 23:58, 2 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I shall review this, hopefully within the next few days. Thanks, Ruby 2010/2013 23:58, 2 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

"The guest actors who portrayed members of the Xindi Council appeared in this episode..." - this reads weird, maybe because it isn't clear when they portrayed the members? Suggest a rewrite

Redrafted. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

" In this episode, the crew track the Xindi superweapon down to a planet..." -> In this episode, the crew track a Xindi superweapon down to a planet...

Changed from "the" to "a". Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"...and Captain Jonathan Archer (Scott Bakula) seeks to destroy in a suicide attack." What is Archer trying to destroy? The weapon? Needs rewording.

Clarified. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

% vs percent - consistency needed

Changed to percent. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

" "Azati Prime" received Nielsen ratings of 2.6/4%, and critical reaction was mostly positive with praise directed at the pacing of the episode and the plotting of the overall arc." -- verging on a run-on sentence, could use a comma somewhere in there

Edited. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Xindi is overlinked

Fixed - also noted I had Captain Jonathan Archer (Scott Bakula) in there twice too. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"Meanwhile, Archer orders Enterprise destroys a Xindi facility on the planet's moon so that it cannot reveal the ship's presence." -- could use a copyedit
Explain who or what Jannar is (like you do for Degra)

It was Archer's first time meeting Jannar in this episode (the audience saw him in Xindi Council meetings), so I've simply explained that he is also a Xindi. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"As Archer begins to convince them that Starfleet did not start the conflict, but Dolim..." -- would remove the "but" here

Done. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"Filming took eight days, concluding on January 14, although this was due to an overlap with the following episode, "Damage"." -- I don't quite understand why this was due to an overlap; could you clarify it?

Redrafted to explain - the episodes typically took seven days to film. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"The episode was directed by Allan Kroeker, who "The Xindi" earlier in the season..." -- word missing

Redrafted to remove potential repetition. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"...who occurred in their recurring roles on the Xindi council." -- "occurred" seems wrong here; maybe "appeared"?

Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"However, she found the pacing made..." -- not sure why you have "However" here, unless the Star Wars comparison is meant to be a negative criticism?

Removed the however. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Otherwise, not too many issues. Will place on hold for the usual seven days. You've done a great job improving this -- the previous state of the article was awful. Keep up the good work! Ruby 2010/2013 04:08, 5 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review - sorry it took a couple of days to make those edits! Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Looks good! Passing for GA. Ruby 2010/2013 03:46, 12 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]