Talk:Auston Matthews/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: Lizzy150 (talk · contribs) 19:08, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I saw that an initial review was done. Is the original reviewer going to review? Otherwise, I'm happy to review as the article it's almost there. Here's what I have to say:

Lead

"Playing baseball and hockey growing up" - perhaps rephrase it to "After playing baseball and hockey during his childhood, he developed.."
"first player in modern NHL history" - do we need to be specific? When is modern - since 1980?

Let's put it this way - the last time this happened, it was the first game in league history (1917).

Could we merge the last 2 paragraphs?
Could we change the lead image to a more clearer one - like the one used in the international play infobox?

I don't blame you for thinking that way at first since you are from a country where the sport is not popular, but I think in most cases the way it goes with NHL players on Wikipedia is that pictures of them in an NHL uniform are preferable to those showing the subjects in another league or an international tournament unless there is a clear, grossly noticeable difference in quality for the two images. The picture shown was taken by a skilled photographer and avid Penguins fan who has gone and taken many pictures of players who both did and did not play for his favorite team (the Leafs were visiting them here) and subsequently uploaded them here. Since this is the only available free image of Matthews in a Leafs uniform at this time, and it is of good quality, I believe it is fine as it is. I would be willing to debate this and even take a second opinion if you'd like me to.

Early life

"witnessing a Phoenix Coyotes Game against the Washington Capitals where he witnessed" - 'witness' used twice, why not "where he saw"?
"When Matthews was younger" - don't need to state this, this is still the early life section.
"According to his father, baseball was his best sport; [...] However, he hated the slow pace of the game, preferring [..] hockey." - is there a source for this? Otherwise needs removing.

Toronto Maple Leafs

"Although Maple Leafs general manager Lou Lamoriello had been very open over his disapproval of [...] Lamoriello had previously been involved in a contract dispute while with the New Jersey Devils with [...] over the issue of bonuses; there were no bonus clauses included in Larsson's entry-level contract." - is that in the source?

2016-17

this paragraph is too big. Consider splitting into two.
"shot on goal to start a career" - perhaps add a wiki link to Shot on goal (ice hockey)

2018–19

"In so doing, he became the youngest player in NHL history" - 'in so doing' sounds odd. Perhaps "As a result"?
"Matthews became only the fifth player in the modern era to record ten goals" - can we be specific, source says 1943/44?
"In so doing, he became the first Maple Leaf to score at least 30 goals" - 'in so doing' sounds odd. Perhaps "As a result"?

International play

"leading the tournament in scoring and being named MVP" - what does MVP mean?
"Americans defeated Sweden" - United States beat, not 'Americans'?
"during which he led the Americans in scoring" - perhaps 'led the team to victory', sounds better?
top line with Jack Eichel and Connor McDavid. - add wiki links to their Wikipedia articles

Personal life

"spending most of his time telecommuting from Arizona"
"though they talked over the phone daily"
"She typically cooked him breakfast and dinner, with lunch usually being a team affair occurring after a practice"
"and received homework help from his sister while in Switzerland"
All of the above - too much information. We should protect their privacy; plus it's not really important/relevant detail.

"Thanks to his mother's heritage" - rephrase that, perhaps "due to"?
Avoid one line paragraphs - try to merge some together

I may have some minor changes that I'll make myself. Overall the article is mostly well-written (once the above has been addressed!). Appears to be broad, neutral and stable. There are sufficient inline citations and sources. No copyright violations detected. Well-illustrated with images, with captions and appropriate copyright tags. I hope this review is useful, thanks Lizzy (talk 19:08, 18 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

I will not be able to give this article serious attention until Friday at earliest, if not then, maybe not until Monday. Will try to get it done before Christmas, but because I also have To Be Everywhere Is to Be Nowhere on review, this may be on the back burner for a moment. Just know that I absolutely intend to get this done very very soon and there's no way this slips past December. dannymusiceditor ^oops 06:16, 19 December 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Listen, I'm sorry I haven't touched this yet, but it's my full intention to finish it now. I'm sorry if this slips a few hours into the new year. I'll get a few out of the way right away, and have the rest in a few hours. Hockey is the greatest, dannymusiceditor ^oops 02:34, 1 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Lizzy150: I have done these to the best of my ability. I did my best to finish this on my mobile device before I set foot aboard a ship for a cruise. As a result, the edit where I added a reference still has a bare URL (the one about Adam Larsson). If I could get some help formatting that, that would be great, otherwise I believe we should be good to go. dannymusiceditor ^oops 17:30, 4 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for making the changes. I've done a quick read again and fixed a few things. Enjoy your cruise. Now passing. Just Lizzy^(talk) 19:46, 4 January 2020 (UTC)[reply]