Jump to content

Talk:Arthur R. M. Spaid/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]
GA toolbox
Reviewing

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Usernameunique (talk · contribs) 17:48, 6 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]


Lead

  • The lead feels a fair amount longer than it needs to be. Part of this is repetition (e.g., years are given more than once, and the first two sentences of the second paragraph say little that isn't said in the first paragraph), and part is the inclusion of unnecessary details.
  • Spaid relocated to Delaware — "relocated" begs the question of where he was before.
  • In response to a shortage of teachers, Spaid instituted pay raises for some teachers in July 1906 so that they would return for the fall term. — Is this lead worthy? It seems like a very minor point discussed in a paragraph at the bottom of page 3 of a local newspaper.
  • It seems like the second and third paragraphs address similar themes (e.g., compulsory education and reforming school systems), and could be at least in part combined.
  • In May 1921, Spaid and the State Board of Education urged county superintendents and school principals to observe Memorial Day at their schools. — Similar to the pay increase, this seems trivial for the lead.
  • Usernameunique, thank you again for performing this review and for providing your thoughtful comments and suggestions. As I am a verbose person by nature, leads have never been my strong suit, so I especially appreciate your guidance for this section especially! I just finished summarizing and shortening this section, so please let me know if this addresses your above comments and suggestions. -- West Virginian (talk) 21:16, 10 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Early life and education

  • Nellie Love Brill death information: obituary, Find A Grave
  • Spaid's parents raised their family — Unclear which Spaid you're talking about here.

School administrative career

  • Kelso's term at school — What was this?

Superintendent of county public schools

  • This section could do with a lot of tightening up. Currently contains a lot of one- or two-sentence paragraphs, and lacks cohesion.
  • Usernameunique, I modified this section per your suggestions for improved flow and organization. Please let me know if my edits addressed your concern, or if you have any further suggestions for further improvement! Again, I appreciate an value your suggestions and guidance. -- West Virginian (talk) 22:06, 10 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

State Commissioner of Delaware Education

  • He resigned as Delaware's State Commissioner of Education in 1921. — Any indication why?
  • Usernameunique, I re-reviewed the cited source and performed an additional search for evidence as to why Spaid resigned, and I could not find a reason why. My personal assumption is that he did not have the influence to further his goals of public school modernizations and reform in Delaware, and was likely frustrated, or he was more interested in pursuing his personal interests. With that said, I've left this as is, but I would also support removing mention of his resignation if you see fit. Thanks again! -- West Virginian (talk) 22:06, 10 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Lecturer and writer

  • He was an instructor and lecturer for the Delaware State Summer School for 11 years, and for the Maryland State Summer School for two years. — What years?
  • It's a bit unclear how the second and third paragraphs are divided. Why not just combine them; put them in roughly chronological order; and then find another natural breaking point to split them back into two paragraphs?
  • Usernameunique, thank you for these comments and suggestions. I could not find the exact years for these summer schools, so I would be open to removing the number of years. I finished rephrasing and reorganizing this section, but I combined the first and second paragraphs instead, and organized the first into Spaid's public lectures and pursuits and his extracurricular lectures and pursuits for the Delaware and Maryland school systems. Please take another look and let me know if this makes sense, or needs further tweaking. -- West Virginian (talk) 22:21, 10 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Overall

  • It's an interesting article, West Virginian, and is undoubtedly comprehensive. I do think it could use with some tightening up in places; in particular, the lead is excessively detailed, and several sections do a better job of listing information than they do of providing coherent themes. But I have little doubt you will be able to clear this up. --Usernameunique (talk) 17:48, 6 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Usernameunique, thank you so much for your thoughtful and comprehensive GA review, and for your feedback, comments, and suggestions above! I will address these within the next 24 hours and hope to have the article ready for your re-review and all comments addressed by then. Thanks again! -- West Virginian (talk) 22:10, 6 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Usernameunique, thank you again for this review and for providing your guidance and suggestions above. As previously stated, I really appreciate your insights, questions, and comments, and did my best to address them all. Please take another look at the article, and let me know how I can further refine and improve it for GA status. Thanks again for your time and efforts. -- West Virginian (talk) 22:21, 10 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thanks, West Virginian. Passing now. It's clearly a good article. Ideally there would be some more cohesion and central themes to develop; I get the sense the you looked widely for sources, however, and it's hard to add what isn't there. All things considered, a nicely researched article. --Usernameunique (talk) 04:20, 24 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Arthur_R._M._Spaid/GA1&oldid=952805495"