Talk:Arlen F. Gregorio/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Edge3 (talk · contribs) 03:36, 29 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hello. I will review this article. I'll begin with a few things that immediately caught my attention:

In the lead sentence, provide a link for "commercial mediator".
- I meant that you need to add a wikilink, not a citation. Edge3 (talk) 03:44, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - Done-- — Keithbob • Talk • 04:21, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"he was instrumental in protecting county's spectacular coastline"

Add "the" before "county's". Edge3 (talk) 03:36, 29 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done-- — Keithbob • Talk • 04:21, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Is it necessary to say that the coastline is "spectacular"? This seems like a WP:PEACOCK to me. Edge3 (talk) 03:36, 29 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"and worked to incorporate the new city of East Palo Alto."

This is making the sentence too long, and the use of the semicolon is incorrect. I recommend splitting the sentence. Edge3 (talk) 03:36, 29 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done-- — Keithbob • Talk • 04:21, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Switch the link to East Palo Alto, California. Edge3 (talk) 03:36, 29 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done-- — Keithbob • Talk • 04:21, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

"According to Gregorio these personal habits contributed to his health, productivity and ability to handle stress." -- This detail seems unnecessary and unencyclopedia. I recommend removing it. Edge3 (talk) 03:36, 29 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done (removed) -- — Keithbob • Talk • 04:21, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I'll continue the review shortly by reading the sources and check for neutrality. Edge3 (talk) 03:36, 29 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, and thanks for the review. I'll start right away to address the items you have listed. -- — Keithbob • Talk • 16:59, 29 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

You caught some good errors and I've corrected all of them. Please let me know if anythings else needs to be repaired and I will address it in a timely way. Thanks!-- — Keithbob • Talk • 17:35, 29 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Could you please verify that citation #2 is correct? It links to this page, which is the main page for the San Francisco Daily Journal. Even if the link is no longer live, the citation should be precise enough so that we can identify the source. Edge3 (talk) 03:15, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done I've removed it because 1) the website has no search function 2) the name of the article is mistakenly ID'd as the reporter's name which makes it difficult to find on Google 3) it was being used as a supportive source and its removal still leaves the content adequately sourced.-- — Keithbob • Talk • 04:21, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"He was an adjunct faculty..." -- Maybe you should say "adjunct faculty member"? Edge3 (talk) 03:15, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done-- — Keithbob • Talk • 04:21, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Gregorio has been a member of the California State Bar since 1955..." -- The source says that he's an inactive member. Maybe it's because he's retired. Edge3 (talk) 03:15, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done OK I changed to 'he became a member in 1955' -- — Keithbob • Talk • 04:50, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"He was a partner in general law practice from 1958 to 1970 and served as president of the North San Mateo County Bar Association and assistant city attorney for San Bruno." -- Make sure that you follow the dates in the source. His term as assistant city attorney was 1962-1970. Also, you should add a link for North San Mateo County (or San Mateo County). Edge3 (talk) 03:21, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done-- — Keithbob • Talk • 04:50, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"two years as chair of the Finance Subcommittee on Health and Welfare" -- The source doesn't mention this. Edge3 (talk) 03:38, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done OK I took it out.-- — Keithbob • Talk • 04:50, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"two years as a Senate member of the Conference Committee on the Budget" -- Do you mean "Joint Legislative Budget Committee"? Edge3 (talk) 03:38, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done He was on about 20 committees so let's just mention the only one he was on for more than a year or two which is the Health and Welfare committee.-- — Keithbob • Talk • 04:50, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"His reforms included the opening state budget conference committee meetings to the public and requiring that all legislators' committee votes be recorded and made public." -- None of the given sources appear to be relevant. I just checked this source and this source, and I couldn't find a connection to Gregorio. Please identify the true sources. Edge3 (talk) 03:38, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done I've removed both of those sources. -- — Keithbob • Talk • 07:16, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"Gregorio lost his Senate seat in the November 1978 election by 90 votes, in large measure because of his outspoken opposition to Proposition 13, which was overwhelmingly approved by the state's voters that year." -- A lot of WP:WTW in here. Saying "in large measure" sounds like editorializing, and "outspoken" and "overwhelmingly" seem to be puffery. If you feel that these phrases are appropriate, then you need to provide stronger attribution to the sources. Edge3 (talk) 03:38, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done I've removed the bit about why he lost. It's speculation and not notable.-- — Keithbob • Talk • 05:00, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"As a supervisor, he was instrumental..." -- This seems biased. Do the sources refer to his role as "instrumental"? Edge3 (talk) 03:38, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done I've removed that sentence as it was not properly sourced.-- — Keithbob • Talk • 07:16, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Link to Santa Clara County Edge3 (talk) 03:38, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done-- — Keithbob • Talk • 05:00, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
"mediating high-stakes business and civil trial matters" -- The source doesn't say "high-stakes". This also sounds like a WP:PEACOCK term Edge3 (talk) 03:54, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done I removed 'high stakes'. -- — Keithbob • Talk • 05:08, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
N"Gregorio, Haldeman, Rotman" -- You might be using an outdated source. This one says "Gregorio, Haldeman, Piazza, Rotman, Frank & Feder". Edge3 (talk) 03:54, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Well, his company web site says: Gregorio, Haldeman, Rotman.[1] But since we are citing the secondary source I changed it to: Gregorio, Haldeman, Piazza, Rotman, Frank & Feder.[2] -- — Keithbob • Talk • 05:12, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  - No, I think the first name you mentioned ("Gregorio, Haldeman, Rotman") is correct, since that's what the official website says. Regardless of which name you choose, please update the citation. The current citation is not linking to the correct source. Edge3 (talk) 01:32, 31 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
    - Done OK, citation is update to the company web site and text adjusted accordingly.-- — Keithbob • Talk • 16:20, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
"Although he took brief mediation training from others, Gregorio says he believes his varied early work experience - especially his authorship of major legislation as a California State Senator - provided valuable perspective that shapes his mediation practice." -- I'm not sure whether this sentence is needed at all. If so, then it could be stated more plainly. I'll think about this a bit more, but feel free to revise. Edge3 (talk) 03:54, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- Done It's peacock-ish so I took it out.-- — Keithbob • Talk • 05:08, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comment-- I created this article 15 months ago and its amazing how quickly URL's decay. I should have checked them again before I nominated it for GA. My apologies for this oversight. However, I did just go through all of the citations and tightened things up, removing URL's and citations that no longer support what they once did. I also added a few new sources. So now every sentence should be adequately sourced. Please have a read through again and I think you will see that everything is in order now. Again I apologize and appreciate your flexibility in seeing this process through. Thanks! -- — Keithbob • Talk • 07:20, 30 December 2013 (UTC)[reply]

✓ Pass Don't worry about the link rot. I understand that it happens quickly and often, and it wasn't your fault. Thanks for updating the sources and responding to my suggestions. Edge3 (talk) 17:45, 1 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]