Talk:Arjan Singh/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Cavie78 (talk · contribs) 09:10, 20 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'll take this one 09:10, 20 April 2020 (UTC)

Hi! Very interesting article, which generally looks to be in good shape. I have a few comments below:

Lead

Cites are not generally required in the lead. Why do the statements "He was the first and only officer of the Indian Air Force to be promoted to five-star rank as Marshal of the Indian Air Force, equal to the army rank of Field Marshal" and "For his distinguished service in commanding the IAF during the Indo-Pakistani War of 1965, he was awarded the Padma Vibhushan and in 1966 became the first IAF officer to be promoted to Air Chief Marshal" have cites? I don't think there's anything particularly controversial about either of them. Also, I don't think Bharat Rakshak is a reliable source
Overlinking - Indian Air Force
Use Indian Air Force (IAF) the first time the term is mentioned if you intend to then use the abbreviation later
RIAF -> Royal Indian Air Force
"He then commanded Air Force Station, Ambala in the rank of Group Captain" Suggest rewording to "He then commanded Air Force Station, Ambala as Group Captain" OR "He then commanded Air Force Station, Ambala at the rank of Group Captain"
What is "JSSC, Latimore"? Link?
"In 1958, the post was upgraded to Air Officer Commanding-in-Chief in the rank of Air Vice Marshal." Suggest rewording to "In 1958, the post was upgraded to Air Officer Commanding-in-Chief at the rank of Air Vice Marshal."
"He served as India's Ambassador to Switzerland, The Holy See and Liechtenstein" change to "the Holy See"
"In January 2002, Singh was conferred the rank of Marshal of the Indian Air Force, the first and only officer of the IAF to receive the honour." Suggest rewording to "In January 2002, the rank of Marshal of the Indian Air Force was conferred on Singh, the first and only officer of the IAF to receive the honour."

Early and personal life

"Aulakh Jat family" Can this be linked/explained?
"Singh's family had been among those that had settled there after being allotted agricultural land by the administration" Suggest rewording to "Singh's family were among those who settled in the Punjab after being allotted agricultural land by the administration"
Cite needed for second and third sentences regarding canal building and the Singh's being allocated land.
Cite needed for Singh becoming a CO
"Singh was educated at Montgomery, British India (now in Pakistan)" Suggest rewording to Singh was educated at Montgomery, British India (now Sahiwal, Pakistan)"
"Singh entered the RAF College Cranwell in 1938. At the College, he was the Vice Captain of the swimming, athletic and hockey teams." This needs a cite. Source 6 supports both statements, although only states that Singh was VC of the swimming and athletic teams, not the hockey team
Merge last two paras (try to avoid on sentence paragraphs)
This section is called "Early and personal life", but there is a later section called "Personal life". Consider changing to just "Early life"

Military career First section

Consider giving the sub-heading Second World War to the first section of Military Career
"Singh was commissioned as a Pilot Officer in December 1939, after topping the course among his batch of Indian Cadets" What course? "flight training course"?
"He joined the No. 1 Squadron which" -> "He joined ~~the~~ No. 1 Squadron, which"
"The Squadron was conducting operations against the tribal forces in NWFP" Anything to link to on Wiki regarding this campaign?
No cites for first four sentences - are you using the obituary for all of them?
"The squadron, by this time had been re-equipped" Suggest rewording to "By this time, the squadron had been re-equipped"
"with the Hawker Hurricane aircraft" -> "with ~~the~~ Hawker Hurricane aircraft"
"While flying with the squadron in NWFP, Singh's Hawker Audax was shot down by the Pathans" If the sqd had re-equipped with Hurricanes, why was Singh flying an Audax?
"midst of a fight between the British troops and the Pathans" -> "midst of a fight between ~~the~~ British troops and the Pathans"
"Frustrated with watch and ward duty, Singh wanted to be in the thick of action. He met the Commander-in-Chief, India, General (later Field Marshal) Claude Auchinleck during his visit to Kohat in the North-West Frontier Province. The squadron was then inducted into the war and moved to Imphal in early 1944." Did Singh request the sqd's transfer? If so, state this
"Singh relinquished command of the No. 1 Squadron in December 1944" -> "Singh relinquished command of ~~the~~ No. 1 Squadron in December 1944"
"handing over command" -> "handing over ~~command~~"
Again, check for missing cites. There is no cite for the last few sentences of this first section before Post Independence
Block quote "Singh's remark about seeing action during WWII" Suggest rewording to "Singh on seeing action during WWII"

Post Independence

RIAF -> Royal Indian Air Force
Merge first to paras
"Singh then moved to Air Headquarters in 1948" -> "Singh subsequently moved to Air Headquarters in 1948"
"Western Air Command" & "Air Officer-in-charge Personnel" Why italics?
"served as the AOC Operational Command" add (AOC) to first mention of Air Officer in Charge earlier in this section
"The appointment was upgraded" -> "This appointment was later upgraded"
"He led the operational command until November 1959" -> "He led the Operational Command until November 1959"
"proceeded to United Kingdom in Early 1960" -> "proceeded to the United Kingdom in early 1960"
"the Overall Commander of the Joint air exercises "Shiksha"" -> "the overall commander of the joint air exercise Shiksha"
Lots of missing cites in this section too (second paragraph has no cites for example)

Chief of the Air Staff

"he was just about 45" -> he was around 45 years old

Indo-Pakistani War of 1965

"Pakistan planned to infiltrate forces into Jammu and Kashmir " -> "in August 1965, Pakistani forces attempted to infiltrate Jammu and Kashmir"
"He was summoned" -> "Singh was summoned"
"suffered a few losses early on" -> "suffered some losses early on"
"Singh led the IAF during the war showing unparalleled leadership and remained cool and inspirational throughout the war" This is in danger of violating WP:NPOV Who made these claims about Singh?

Diplomatic and Political career

"India's Ambassador to Switzerland, Holy See and Liechtenstein" -> "India's Ambassador to Switzerland, the Holy See and Liechtenstein"
Is there nothing else to say about his non-military career? Anything notable during his stint as Lieutenant Governor of Delhi?
Any information about the period 1990-2002?

Promotion to Marshal of the Indian Air Force

Is Marshal of the Indian Air Force a purely ceremonial role? Why was this conferred in 2002?

Personal Life

"and the youngest Asha, followed another three years later" -> "and the Singh's youngest child Asha followed another three years later"

Later years and Death

No comments

Legacy

"Singh was the first Chief to have kept his flying rank till he became the CAS" -> "Singh was the first officer to have kept his flying rank until he became CAS"
"Singh remained active and worked for the welfare of air force veteran" When? Before or after his appointment as Marshal of the Indian Air Force?
"Singh remained active and worked for the welfare of air force veterans. He set up a trust in 2004 by contributing Twenty million rupees from his personal wealth to it. He was considered a father figure of the service" -> "Singh remained active and worked for the welfare of air force veterans, contributing twenty million rupees from his personal wealth to set up a trust to this end
The Air Force Sports Control Board organised an annual Marshal Arjan Singh Memorial All India Hockey Tournament" -> "In 2018, the Air Force Sports Control Board organised the first annual Marshal Arjan Singh Memorial All India Hockey Tournament"

Air Force Station Arjan Singh

"announced that Indian Air Force" -> "announced that the Indian Air Force"
Add the date of the name change (2018?)

Images

Look good, with appropriate licences

Sources

Check cites throughout article, there are lots of unsourced, or seemingly unsourced, statements.
As discussed in Lead, what makes Bharat Rakshak a reliable source?
What makes sikh-history.com a reliable source?
Try and format all the sources correctly. Many sources, particularly PDFs from pibarchive, are missing year of publication

Thanks Cavie78, for your detailed analysis and comments. I've addressed each point one-by one.

Lead

Cites are not generally required in the lead. Why do the statements "He was the first and only officer of the Indian Air Force to be promoted to five-star rank as Marshal of the Indian Air Force, equal to the army rank of Field Marshal" and "For his distinguished service in commanding the IAF during the Indo-Pakistani War of 1965, he was awarded the Padma Vibhushan and in 1966 became the first IAF officer to be promoted to Air Chief Marshal" have cites? I don't think there's anything particularly controversial about either of them. Also, I don't think Bharat Rakshak is a reliable source

- Fixed. Removed citations in lead.

Overlinking - Indian Air Force

- Fixed.

Use Indian Air Force (IAF) the first time the term is mentioned if you intend to then use the abbreviation later

- Fixed.

RIAF -> Royal Indian Air Force

- Fixed.

"He then commanded Air Force Station, Ambala in the rank of Group Captain" Suggest rewording to "He then commanded Air Force Station, Ambala as Group Captain" OR "He then commanded Air Force Station, Ambala at the rank of Group Captain"

- Fixed.

What is "JSSC, Latimore"? Link?

- Linked to wikipedia article of the college.

"In 1958, the post was upgraded to Air Officer Commanding-in-Chief in the rank of Air Vice Marshal." Suggest rewording to "In 1958, the post was upgraded to Air Officer Commanding-in-Chief at the rank of Air Vice Marshal."

- Fixed.

"He served as India's Ambassador to Switzerland, The Holy See and Liechtenstein" change to "the Holy See"

- Fixed.

"In January 2002, Singh was conferred the rank of Marshal of the Indian Air Force, the first and only officer of the IAF to receive the honour." Suggest rewording to "In January 2002, the rank of Marshal of the Indian Air Force was conferred on Singh, the first and only officer of the IAF to receive the honour."

- Fixed.

Early and personal life

"Aulakh Jat family" Can this be linked/explained?

- Linked to wikipedia page of Jat people.

"Singh's family had been among those that had settled there after being allotted agricultural land by the administration" Suggest rewording to "Singh's family were among those who settled in the Punjab after being allotted agricultural land by the administration"

- Can't find a credible source. Removing this sentence for now.

Cite needed for second and third sentences regarding canal building and the Singh's being allocated land.

- Can't find a credible source. Removing this sentence for now.

Cite needed for Singh becoming a CO

- Citation added.

"Singh was educated at Montgomery, British India (now in Pakistan)" Suggest rewording to Singh was educated at Montgomery, British India (now Sahiwal, Pakistan)"

- Fixed.

"Singh entered the RAF College Cranwell in 1938. At the College, he was the Vice Captain of the swimming, athletic and hockey teams." This needs a cite. Source 6 supports both statements, although only states that Singh was VC of the swimming and athletic teams, not the hockey team

- Added new source confirming hocket team vice-captaincy.

Merge last two paras (try to avoid on sentence paragraphs)

- Merged.

This section is called "Early and personal life", but there is a later section called "Personal life". Consider changing to just "Early life"

- Changed the section to Early life and education.

Military career First section

Consider giving the sub-heading Second World War to the first section of Military Career

- Added.

"Singh was commissioned as a Pilot Officer in December 1939, after topping the course among his batch of Indian Cadets" What course? "flight training course"?

- Added info. Empire Pilot training course.

"He joined the No. 1 Squadron which" -> "He joined ~~the~~ No. 1 Squadron, which"

- Fixed.

"The Squadron was conducting operations against the tribal forces in NWFP" Anything to link to on Wiki regarding this campaign?

- No link about these operations.

No cites for first four sentences - are you using the obituary for all of them?

- Yes. Same source.

"The squadron, by this time had been re-equipped" Suggest rewording to "By this time, the squadron had been re-equipped"

- Fixed.

"with the Hawker Hurricane aircraft" -> "with ~~the~~ Hawker Hurricane aircraft"

- Fixed.

"While flying with the squadron in NWFP, Singh's Hawker Audax was shot down by the Pathans" If the sqd had re-equipped with Hurricanes, why was Singh flying an Audax?

- Researched and rectified the timeline. This happened before his transfer to No 2 Sqn. (He was serving with No 1 Squadron and flew Wapitis. The sqn also had Audax on inventory. He was shot down while flying an Audax. He subsequently went to No 2 squadron and came back to No 1 Sqn, which by now had converted.)

"midst of a fight between the British troops and the Pathans" -> "midst of a fight between ~~the~~ British troops and the Pathans"

- Fixed.

"Frustrated with watch and ward duty, Singh wanted to be in the thick of action. He met the Commander-in-Chief, India, General (later Field Marshal) Claude Auchinleck during his visit to Kohat in the North-West Frontier Province. The squadron was then inducted into the war and moved to Imphal in early 1944." Did Singh request the sqd's transfer? If so, state this

- Fixed.

"Singh relinquished command of the No. 1 Squadron in December 1944" -> "Singh relinquished command of ~~the~~ No. 1 Squadron in December 1944"
"handing over command" -> "handing over ~~command~~"

- Fixed.

Again, check for missing cites. There is no cite for the last few sentences of this first section before Post Independence

- Added citations.

Block quote "Singh's remark about seeing action during WWII" Suggest rewording to "Singh on seeing action during WWII"

- Fixed. Post Independence

RIAF -> Royal Indian Air Force

- Fixed.

Merge first to paras

- Fixed.

"Singh then moved to Air Headquarters in 1948" -> "Singh subsequently moved to Air Headquarters in 1948"

- Fixed.

"Western Air Command" & "Air Officer-in-charge Personnel" Why italics?

- Fixed.

"served as the AOC Operational Command" add (AOC) to first mention of Air Officer in Charge earlier in this section

- SOC is Air officer Commanding. Air Officer-in-Charge is a different title.

"The appointment was upgraded" -> "This appointment was later upgraded"

- The appointment was upgraded when he was serving and not later. Hence it should be "The appointment was upgraded."

"He led the operational command until November 1959" -> "He led the Operational Command until November 1959"

- Fixed.

"proceeded to United Kingdom in Early 1960" -> "proceeded to the United Kingdom in early 1960"

- Fixed.

"the Overall Commander of the Joint air exercises "Shiksha"" -> "the overall commander of the joint air exercise Shiksha"

- Fixed.

Lots of missing cites in this section too (second paragraph has no cites for example)

- Added citation. Chief of the Air Staff

"he was just about 45" -> he was around 45 years old

- Fixed. Indo-Pakistani War of 1965

"Pakistan planned to infiltrate forces into Jammu and Kashmir " -> "in August 1965, Pakistani forces attempted to infiltrate Jammu and Kashmir"

- Fixed.

"He was summoned" -> "Singh was summoned"

- Fixed.

"suffered a few losses early on" -> "suffered some losses early on"

- Fixed.

"Singh led the IAF during the war showing unparalleled leadership and remained cool and inspirational throughout the war" This is in danger of violating WP:NPOV Who made these claims about Singh?

- This is from the book India's wars : a military history, 1947-1971 (ISBN 978-9351777496), written by Military Historian Arjun Subramaniam. Diplomatic and Political career

"India's Ambassador to Switzerland, Holy See and Liechtenstein" -> "India's Ambassador to Switzerland, the Holy See and Liechtenstein"

- Fixed.

Is there nothing else to say about his non-military career? Anything notable during his stint as Lieutenant Governor of Delhi?

- Pretty short stint as Lt Gov of Delhi. Don't see anything else that can be added.

Any information about the period 1990-2002?

Promotion to Marshal of the Indian Air Force

Is Marshal of the Indian Air Force a purely ceremonial role? Why was this conferred in 2002?

- Yes. It is a ceremonial role. This has precedence in India. Field Marshal K. M. Cariappa was promoted to the five-star rank in 1986 after retiring in 1953.

Personal Life

"and the youngest Asha, followed another three years later" -> "and the Singh's youngest child Asha followed another three years later"

- Fixed.

Later years and Death

No comments

Legacy

"Singh was the first Chief to have kept his flying rank till he became the CAS" -> "Singh was the first officer to have kept his flying rank until he became CAS"

- Fixed.

"Singh remained active and worked for the welfare of air force veteran" When? Before or after his appointment as Marshal of the Indian Air Force?

- Before his appointment.

"Singh remained active and worked for the welfare of air force veterans. He set up a trust in 2004 by contributing Twenty million rupees from his personal wealth to it. He was considered a father figure of the service" -> "Singh remained active and worked for the welfare of air force veterans, contributing twenty million rupees from his personal wealth to set up a trust to this end

- Fixed.

The Air Force Sports Control Board organised an annual Marshal Arjan Singh Memorial All India Hockey Tournament" -> "In 2018, the Air Force Sports Control Board organised the first annual Marshal Arjan Singh Memorial All India Hockey Tournament"

- Changed to "The Air Force Sports Control Board organises an annual Marshal Arjan Singh Memorial All India Hockey Tournament" since it is an ongoing tournament.

Air Force Station Arjan Singh

"announced that Indian Air Force" -> "announced that the Indian Air Force"

- Fixed.

Add the date of the name change (2018?)

- Added. It was renamed on the day of the announcement itself.

Images

Look good, with appropriate licences

Sources

Check cites throughout article, there are lots of unsourced, or seemingly unsourced, statements.

- Have added citations now.

As discussed in Lead, what makes Bharat Rakshak a reliable source?

- The Bharat Rakshak database is compiled from publicly available sources like Library archives, awards lists and Gazette of India Notifications, etc.

What makes sikh-history.com a reliable source?

- Not sure. Have removed this source. The info was available elsewhere.

Try and format all the sources correctly. Many sources, particularly PDFs from pibarchive, are missing year of publication

- Added the dates on all the citations from pibarchive.

Thank you again for your work in reviewing this article. Zwerubae (talk) 16:19, 21 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your hard work Zwerubae. Happy to pass such a fantastic article. I'll let the Bharat Rakshak source go for now, but be aware it may be challenged if you take this to A-class/FA review. Best wishes Cavie78 (talk) 20:06, 23 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]

@Cavie78: Lovely! Thanks for your work in reviewing, Cavie! Thanks for the tip about BR. Zwerubae (talk) 03:58, 24 April 2020 (UTC)[reply]