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Talk:Antes de las Seis/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 13:05, 19 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • "a song by Colombian singer" what does "a song by" mean here? written by? performed by? produced by?
I have done some transposing. Making "song by" "song recorded by.."
  • "recorded for inclusion in her ninth studio album Sale el Sol (2010)." probably more important here to include when this song was recorded, not the year the album was "produced".
Most of the songs of the album were quickly recorded after "Waka Waka"'s success, so the recording year is probably 2010. Moreover in almost all song articles any mentioning of a studio album is followed by its release year in parentheses. I don't have the exact year the song was recorded.
  • Lead has one citation, seems odd, presumably no refs are needed as everything in the lead is expanded upon in the article.
Quotes in any sentence should have supporting citations I suppose. I can remove it if you insist. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 07:31, 23 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "on 21 October 2011." in the lead vs " October 21, 2011" in the info box, be consistent.
THanks for pointing that out. Changed (the df=yes syntax in the infobox was not present) --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 07:31, 23 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Critical reception towards "Antes de las Seis"..." reception towards? Nope, revisit this.
Modified. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 07:31, 23 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • No need to link "critic".
Removed. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 07:31, 23 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "but was moderately successful on airplay-based ones" air-based ones? What is this?
Removed "based." --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 07:31, 23 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It reached number one on the Spanish Airplay Chart and peaked at number 14 " MOSNUM, so it should be "1... 14..." or "one... fourteen". Plenty of other examples of this.
Amended. Actually I had read the WP:ORDINAL guideline wrong. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 07:31, 23 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "was certified gold" both "certified" and "gold" have separate links but links the to the same article. Please avoid this.
Kept link on only "certified." --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 07:31, 23 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

That's the lead covered, it's not looking good. If you're happy, apply these comments to the rest of the article, I'll put it on hold for a few days, and I'll revisit the rest of it. The Rambling Man (talk) 21:33, 22 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the review. All issues pointed out have been addressed. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 07:31, 23 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Further

  • "Commercially, She Wolf was a success and topped charts and attained gold and platinum certifications in several South American and European territories" count the run-ons here... "and.. and... and..."
  • "miss peaking inside the top 10 after it debuted at number 15" peaking and debuting are different things. Do you mean "despite" debuting? Or else the connection isn't really genuine.
  • "worldwide hit..... worldwide success" repetitive.
  • "work on ninth studio" -> " her ninth"
  • "The singer split the album" -> "She split..."
  • "one of which is a "romantic" one" the other two? And this English is poor, repeating "one".
  • "she hadn't" avoid contractions.
  • "on hits like " -> "on songs including..."
  • Stanford Daily is The Stanford Daily.
  • "production make "Shakira's" not good English.
  • "official... official" repetitive.
  • Don't overlink iTunes store.
  • "of the Shakira's versatility" remove "the"
  • "from Northern Arizona News" why linked to the university and why only partially linked?
The university controls the site, and the partial linking has now been extended to the entire name. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 18:34, 2 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "vocal delivery, saying they help" delivery is singular, this sentence needs work.
  • " In the former country," awkwardly described.

Still on hold for a few more days. The Rambling Man (talk) 15:28, 2 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

All issues have been addressed. --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 18:34, 2 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Further

  • " which she described as "romantic" in nature.[1] Shakira described it " described... described... repetititive.
  • "The musical arrangement of the song is simple and consists of a "soft" piano and acoustic guitar" the arranagment consists of piano and guitar? Is that right, or is it a simple arrangement performed on piano/guitar?

The Rambling Man (talk) 06:43, 3 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I have made some changes. Also can you list all the problems in one go and not add them periodically since I have to study too and I can't keep on coming back to this page again and again to make more changes? I thank you for the time you are taking to improve the article but I would appreciate it more if it was finished with once and for all --WonderBoy1998 (talk) 06:51, 3 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I'm done. I only listed those last two problems because I only just noticed them when reviewing for one final time. I only listed the second set of problems because there was so much wrong in the lead that I nearly quick-failed it. And sometimes, having spent hours reviewing an article, nothing gets done about it, so it feels like a complete waste of time. The Rambling Man (talk) 07:00, 3 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]
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