Talk:Anne Burlak/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: GhostRiver (talk · contribs) 19:39, 21 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I'll be taking a look at this! — Ghost River 19:39, 21 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Good Article review progress box

Criteria: 1a. prose () 1b. MoS () 2a. ref layout () 2b. cites WP:RS () 2c. no WP:OR () 2d. no WP:CV ()

3a. broadness () 3b. focus () 4. neutral () 5. stable () 6a. free or tagged images () 6b. pics relevant ()

Note: this represents where the article stands relative to the Good Article criteria. Criteria marked are unassessed

Infobox and lede

The lede as it stands is not great, to put it bluntly. Per MOS:INTRO, the lede/lead should be a snapshot of the article, and per MOS:LEADCITE, information in the lead should also be found in the body. A significant amount of space right now is dedicated to nicknames that are not mentioned in the body.
Per MOS:POSTABBR, postal codes should be avoided, so "PA" and "MA" should become "Pennsylvania" and "Massachusetts", respectively, and there's no need to put U.S. after each
Regarding children in infoboxes, they should be listed by number and only named if one or more are relevant; the names can still be listed in the body

Early life

"immigrants from Tsarist Russia (from the area now comprising Ukraine.)" → "immigrants from Tsarist Russia, in the area now comprising Ukraine."
"at age 14 to join the labor force to support her family." → "at the age of 14 to join the workforce and provide financial support to her family"
Comma after "and work hours"
Remove the first link to [2], as everything up to "whom she met in 1925" is from the same source
"tried to organize her fellow workers into a union" → "attempted to organize a labor union of her fellow workers" to fix close paraphrasing issue
Link sedition
Communist/Communism should be lowercase when not referring to a specific political party but to a broader ideology
Comma after "Burlak decided that"

Career

"At seventeen" → "At 17" per MOS:NUM
Add "(NTWU)" after the first instance of "National Textile Workers Union" and then only refer to it by its acronym from there on out
Per the source, she was not the first American woman to hold that specific post, but the first to hold any such position in any labor union (which makes sense, if the NTWU was just American workers, that "American" wouldn't need to be specified)

Georgia

"labor-management conflicts trying" → "labor management conflicts while trying"
Delink "race" and "ethnicity" per MOS:OVERLINK
Delink North and South Carolina also per MOS:OVERLINK
"M.H." → "M. H." per MOS:INITIALS
"the other members of the Atlanta Six" → "the rest of the Atlanta Six" to fix close paraphrasing
Link "Civil War" to American Civil War

Rhode Island

Delink "Rhode Island" per MOS:OVERLINK
Do link collective bargaining
"thirty days" → "30 days" per MOS:NUM
There should be a citation at the end of the sentence in the second paragraph, after "Washington, D.C."
Don't need to specify "on the Communist Party ticket", as we already know that's what she ran under
This ends with talking about Massachusetts but the section is called Rhode Island; maybe rename to New England

The New Deal Era and the Red Scare

Add "(NRA)" after the first mention of the National Recovery Administration
Spell out American Federation of Labor on the first instance and add the "(AFL)" in parentheses after
"were accepted widely" → "were widely accepted"
Comma after "United Textile Workers union (UTW)"
Was forbidden by whom?

Personal life

"Burlak married fellow labor activist Arthur E. Timpson in 1939 and gave birth to two children, Kathryn Anne Timpson Wright (b. 1943) and William Michael Timpson (b. 1946)." → "Burlak married fellow labor activist Arthur E. Timpson in 1939. The couple had two children, Kathryn Anne Timpson Wright (b. 1943) and William Michael Timpson (b. 1946)."
"She died July 9, 2002 in" → "She died on July 9, 2002, in" per MOS:DATECOMMA
Link East Longmeadow, Massachusetts

Legacy

""at the head of her strikers,"" → ""at the head of her strikers"." per MOS:LQ
"penned a tribute to her" → "penned a tribute to Burlak" (not to Day, as could be interpreted)
Delink Sacco-Vanzetti per MOS:PARTIALNAMELINK

Literature

If this is (as it appears to be) a work that covers Burlak's life but isn't directly referenced, then it should be placed between "References" and "External links" and should be titled "Further reading"

References

Her middle initial and her date of birth both need citations
"Smith College Finding Aids" should not be in the "title" parameter, but should replace "findingaids.smith.edu" in the "work" parameter
I'm not sure what's happening in [14] (Turchetto), but it needs help

General comments

Image falls under fair use criteria and is obviously relevant
No stability concerns in the revision history
Copyvio score looks good, but there are some instances of close paraphrasing I've noted above

Putting on hold for now to allow nominator to address comments. Feel free to ping me with questions. — Ghost River 23:12, 22 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@GhostRiver: Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time to review my article. I believe I have made the changes you pointed out, and the lede isn't the best but I think it's more in the proper style. Please let me know what else I can do! Dkrieger20 (talk) 17:59, 26 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I've made a couple of my own MOS fixes and some rewordings for clarity, but I think that this one is ready to go! Good job, and thank you for addressing my comments! — Ghost River 04:24, 28 October 2021 (UTC)[reply]