Talk:Annabel Breuer/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Figureskatingfan (talk · contribs) 17:09, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, I'm reviewing this article, the third about Paralympic-level wheelchair basketball. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 17:09, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

As is my normal practice, I do my reviews in two parts: a general review using a GA template and a more specific one, usually in the form of prose and source review below. I also tend to copy-edit as I go if necessary.

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

Another high-quality article about an impressive athlete. It's a little short; I'll assess if that's necessary as I go along.

Is it reasonably well written?
A. Prose quality:
Good prose, for the most part, other than some easily-addressed news-speak and unencyclopedic language. See below.

B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
A. Has an appropriate reference section:

B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:
Many of the sources are German, so I'll assume good faith regarding their reliability and close paraphrasing. See below; I'll check if they're dead and if the English sources check out.

C. No original research:
Is it broad in its coverage?
A. Major aspects:

B. Focused:
I'll reserve judgment regarding scope and focus. At this point, I'm concerned about the length and if the article is comprehensive enough. See below.
Is it neutral?
Fair representation without bias:
Bias is shown in the prose, and should be resolved after a copy-edit and my prose review.
Is it stable?
No edit wars, etc:
Very stable; most edits done by one Hawkeye7.
Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
Love love love the images. Question, though: I know that the first image in the gallery is an un-cropped version of the infobox image, so is it necessary to include? I'm just curious; if you give me a good reason for keeping it, I'll be fine with it.
Overall:
Pass or Fail:
Very close to passing to GA; no major rewrites required. See below. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 18:02, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Review

Lead': She has also played the national team, with which she won two European titles, was runner-up at 2010 World Championships, and won a gold medal at the 2012 Summer Paralympics in London, for which President Joachim Gauck awarded the team Germany's highest sporting honour, the Silbernes Lorbeerblatt (Silver Laurel Leaf). Awkward wording, and too long. How about: "She won two European titles, was runner-up at 2010 World Championships, and won a gold medal at the 2012 Summer Paralympics in London as a member of the national team. After the London Games, President Joachim Gauck awarded the team Germany's highest sporting honour, the Silbernes Lorbeerblatt (Silver Laurel Leaf)."

Biography

Refs 2, 9 are broken.
- Restored from backup. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:46, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Is there any information about why Breuer had spinal cord surgery? Did it have anything to do with her switching sports to basketball?
- I doubt it, but no information. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:46, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Ref 5: Make sure you put in the template parameter that it comes up as a Word document.
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:46, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
She didn't medal in the 2010 Championships. How did she do? If not well, why?
- She was fifth. Why? Have you tried asking an athlete that? Because I never get an answer. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:46, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Now you're just showing off. ;) Of course I don't want you to go and ask her, silly. I should've been more clear; I was really asking if there were any speculation in the press, or if her medical issues ended her fencing career. If it's unavailable, and that seems to be the case about all my questions and requests for expansion, that's fine.

...and publicly set her sights on the 2012 Summer Paralympic Games in London. Unencyclopedic. What does "publicly set her sights" mean? Did she announce her intentions to compete in a press conference? IOW, how did she express that goal?
- Die im Rollstuhl sitzende Fechterin vom TSV Laupheim erhält den Hilde-Frey-Preis und erzählt von ihrem großen Ziel: den Paralympics in London in kommenden Jahr. ("The wheelchair fencer from TSV Laupheim receives the Hilda Frey price and tells of her great goal: the Paralympics in London next year.") Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:46, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
But it would be in wheelchair basketball that Breuer would realise her Paralympic dream. Unencyclopedic. Why did she switch to basketball? Please tell us.
- No idea. Added a bit about how she came to the sport. My guess is that she loves the sport. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:46, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

I went ahead and changed this sentence for clarity; if you disagree with it, please revert. I like how you describe how she got into basketball, but you say that she was "spot by a national trainer". Is it possible to explain what that means, since it's sports-speak? Was she discovered by this trainer? And who was this trainer, and where/what organization did he/she come from?

I know you link "1.5", but it may help lengthen the article if you briefly explain what that means. Don't go into any great detail, but summarize. And what do you mean when you say that she's a "zero-point player"?
- You're allowed to have 15 points on the court at one time. Women get a 1.5 point bonus, so she costs 1.5 - 1.5 = 0 points. Then you can have, say, two 4.5 and two 3.0 men on the court. Actually, all of the top women play mixed with the boys. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:46, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, I changed my mind; that's too complicated to briefly explain, and the article does go into the implications.

Combined with her high degree of tactical acumen, this makes her a valuable asset to the team. Perhaps when you explain the previous points, you can combine these concepts with it. And I'd think that they'd make her an asset to any team.
- Re-worded this way. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:46, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

And I re-worded it again. Same deal as above; revert if you think best.

Breuer was part of the German national team which won win gold at the 2011 European Championships in Nazareth, Israel, defeating the Netherlands in the final, 48–42, and in June 2012 she was named as one of the team that competed at the 2012 Summer Paralympic Games in London. The two phrases don't have any reason to be connected, and the sentence is long, so I think you should cut it after the scores, and change the 2nd phrase to: "In June 2012, she won a place on the national team that competed..."
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:46, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I know that you have him linked, but please briefly identify Ivo Gönner.
- Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:46, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
General note: Perhaps by now you can tell that I'm trying to find ways to help you lengthen this article. Please make sure that you've thoroughly gleaned your sources for information. I'm AGF that you've exhausted all possible reliable sources. I say this recognizing that this article's short length may be because this article is as exhaustive and complete as possible.
- Searching in German is not so easy. It's sometimes hard to get the search right, and Google is not as helpful. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:46, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Personal note: I bet you've met and talked with this athlete, too, you lucky dog you! ;) I'll give you a week to address these few comments as best you can, and I'll pass it to GA. Congrats on some more great work for the Paralympic movement. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 04:57, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The brevity of this article, and the lack of sources is probably why this article will never be a FA. Some just can never past a certain point, but that's okay. Good work; will go pass now. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 15:44, 18 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]