Talk:Androgen backdoor pathway/GA1

GA Review

Unsuccessful. 🏵️Etrius ( Us) 05:02, 3 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Etriusus (talk · contribs) 05:01, 3 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I'll review this.

Images:

Image rights are in order.
The image: File:Backdoor-11-oxygenated.svg is minimized to the point of being unreadable. If possible, set the pathway longways, similar to Pantothenic acid#Synthesis, it's current state doesn't contribute much to the overall page.
MOS:CAPSUCCINCT

Sources

Not thrilled to see a Wikijournal citation used, especially since it's used in a redundant manner. The notes sectional already links to this article.

- Furthermore, the notes say that text from the journal is incorporated into the article as a whole but fails to cite where this is specifically. Not even a footnote, please be more granular with the citations. My point here is commit to using it or don't.

Yikes, a lot of unsourced material here.

Unsourced passages:

but remain important molecules in this context since they act as androgen precursors.
The backdoor pathways to 11-oxygenated androgens can be broadly as two Δ4 steroid entry points (17-OHP and P4) that can undergo a common sequence of three transformations:
However, these AKR1C2/AKR1C4 variants leading to DSD are rare and have been only so far reported in just those two families.[42] This case study emphasizes the role of AKR1C2/4 in the alternative androgen pathways.
... as it is a common convention and emphasizes it as the 3α-reduced derivative of DHT. The function of 3α-diol was not known at that time.
demonstrated that an overlapping novel pathway is operating in mouse testes, generalizing what had been demonstrated in tammar wallaby: P4 → 5α-DHP → AlloP5→ 5α-Pdiol → AST → 3α-diol.
...attributed the urinary metabolites to the androgen backdoor pathway from 17-OHP to DHT in patients with steroid 21-hydroxylase (encoded by the gene CYP21A2) enzyme deficiency.

-I don't understand why the citations are placed at the "et al" section, I assume that these are some of the missing citations (The latter 3), but they are placed in a rather strange location that is non-compliant with MOS.

Misc

Wikidata is incongruous with the prose. (optional)
Page is stable
nominator is primary author

Copyvios

Nothing on spotchecks.
Earwig flags a few phrases, but these are mostly just technical sentences that really can't be reworded.

Prose notes

The lead is way too short.
'as well as other tissue types and processes' specify
Clarify that canonical also means "general, ideal, and/or most common" pathway
in medical literature WP:Weasel
opened new avenues for understanding the biosynthesis of androgens in humans. specify how
So, as a whole, the Introduction is serving the role that the Lead should have. You can't have big sweeping statements, such as Understanding these pathways is critical for the development of effective treatments for conditions related to androgen biosynthesis. in an article's body, this is lead material.
" finally converted" removed 'finally'
leads to early male sexual differentiation how?
by even a mild increase in circulating 17-OHP levels awkward to read.
'17OHDHP' change to "Referred to as 17OHDHP or 17α-hydroxy-dihydroprogesterone"
'feedstock' WP:TECHNICAL, simplify
'Some work' WP:WEASEL
"he steroids 11OHA4 and 11KA4 " introduced out of nowhere
" T" please establish what this means
This case study emphasizes the role of AKR1C2/4 in the alternative androgen pathways. weirdly formatted sentence, outside the citation technically. Can a causal link really be drawn from only 5 cases? Perhaps softer wording should be used here.
The prior sentence "The discovery of the backdoor pathway to 5α-dihydrotestosterone in the tammar wallaby in 2003" Doesn't mention the work done in 2000.
The History section as a whole should be simplified somewhat, we don't need a step-by-step methodology, just the high points.
The article as a whole never really establishes what the classical pathway is, just a couple of snippets here and there on some differences. That would make an excellent background section.

I apologize but this is going to be a fail from me. I can overlook prose issues but there are entire sentences that are uncited, and the MOS is all over the place at times. This isn't meant to scare you away, trust me, I've had my fair share of failed GAs, this is to show what needs to be improved. I've tried to give detailed notes on what to improve before renoming, if you disagree with my suggestions, I'm more than happy to discuss in the talk page. I wish you the best, don't give up!!! 🏵️Etrius ( Us) 05:01, 3 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.